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First timer in need of emotional support

Posted by ShanaMaiya (My Page) on
Wed, Apr 24, 13 at 17:46

Hi everyone.

My husband and I have lived in our home since marriage 22 years ago. I went straight from my parents home to this one so I have NO experience AT ALL (we bought this home from my in-laws). We took this house that was in awful shape and made it beautiful. We did most all the work ourselves. So of course I am VERY ATTACHED.

When my husband brought up the idea of selling and moving I resisted for awhile. I like playing it safe. Then after thinking about I decided I can't keep missing life because of my fears. Besides, I was up for having something a little larger. This home, while beautiful, is quite small and only has one bathroom. I wanted a bigger kitchen because I cook... A LOT. My husband loves woodworking so he wanted a basement and another garage.

We found a new development building homes a couple months prior and in order to proceed it was continginent on our home selling. So we did what we needed to do to make it happen.

We sold our home and are set to close next month. We were THRILLED that it was just on the market a few days and we had 3 offers. We accepted the best offer and the terms of closing in 2 months.

Then "fit hit the shan". To make a long story short, our lawyer advised us not to go through with the build because there was something very fishy with the builder. So we took his advice.

A couple days later we found a resale that we loved even more than the other, put in an offer and it was accepted. The only thing is the seller hasn't found a new home yet, but our lawyer gave him 3 months to close.

So here we are in limbo. We have to move into an apartment with flexible lease terms (we were able to find a few, some VERY expensive, some not SO bad).

I feel bipolar. One minute I am excited, the next I am scared and the next I am sobbing. This is such an emotional rollercoasters... and I don't like rollercoasters of ANY kind.

I just needed to vent and was hoping someone could say something to make me feel better... or at least make me feel like I'm not alone. :/

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: First timer in need of emotional support

Welcome to the forums Shana.

Honestly, there's only one piece of advice I can give you and it may sound very trite but here goes.

You aren't alone. We've all been there. There's an old saying that your willingness to accept change only happens when the fear/pain of remaining where you are overcomes than the fear/pain of moving to a new situation. You are there. You've had some challenges, of course, and yours are unique to your situation but not materially different than anyone elses. For example, I currently own 7 properties. I'm far from "homeless" and yet I ended up renting an 8th home from someone else while I waited to locate and close on my primary residence. See? Different circumstances, same situation.

This too will pass, and in the scheme of things, will pass very quickly. Use the time while renting to go to some home improvement shows, catch up on these forums and HGTV, plan out your upgrades and the budget to spend for same. Do it together, both you and your husband. Shared dreams are so much more vivid than individual dreams. And make some memories while waiting....

True story. Shortly after the birth of our first child, we moved from our fixer-upper (which was totally fixed up by then) to a new custom home we had built. I had a contingency on our existing home that it had to sell prior to closing on the new one and it was mid December and we still didn't have a buyer, although our new home was scheduled for completion in mid-January. We were terrified, scared every day of not being able to move into our new home, losing some of our deposit and more importantly, having to watch our "dream home" go on the market and potentially be bought by someone else. On December 20th, we got a cash offer for our home but with the condition that we vacate by Christmas Eve so they could spend the holiday there with their family.

Short summary to this story. We worked it out so that they spent the Christmas holiday in our home and we spent ours in a Residence Inn. My daughters' first Christmas was spent in a rented hotel room, just the three of us. At the time we were totally relieved just to know we could move into our new home later in January but it was a little depressing to spend that holiday "homeless."

But funny enough, my wife and I still look at those pictures, recall that story and just laugh about what a special time of bonding it was for our happy little family.

Take solace in the moment. They are precious and few when you get a chance to look at your life, and future, through a new set of lenses. You've got that opportunity now. Carpe Diem.

RE: First timer in need of emotional support

It sounds stressful to live in-between houses, but think of it this way: You sold your house quickly, and you found a new house quickly. If you can't rent back from your buyer, try to use the time planning your new house, organizing, and getting rid of all the things you don't need anymore. We had to move so quickly, that we ended up packing up and moving a lot of junk rather than sorting and getting rid of it.

RE: First timer in need of emotional support

We have just sold our home also (today) and we have 7 weeks before we have to move across the country and find another home where homes are double the cost of where we live.
And of course, they are in short supply! I just wish I knew if we could find a home we loved as much as this one. We had it built and it was exactly what we wanted.
We will rent until we find something that works and if we don't love it, we will rework it until we do! We have lived in a couple different houses over the years and we have always liked the one we were living in, so I think we will find something.

I'm sure you will love your new house too.

This post was edited by Karenseb on Wed, Apr 24, 13 at 19:44

RE: First timer in need of emotional support

You'll do fine!

RE: First timer in need of emotional support

When we finally sold our house last year, we had to vacate in a month. We found a house to buy, and got our financials all worked out, but we couldn't get the new house till 3 weeks after we had to be out of the old one.

So, we rented a hotel room to live in and put all our stuff in storage for 3 weeks. Convenient? Easy? Cheap? Nope. But it worked and things are fine now.

Take a deep breath and calm down.

RE: First timer in need of emotional support

Thanks for all the great advice! I really appreciate it. We found a short term apartment that is just what we were looking for and they had availability for June 1st (our closing is set for June 3rd). It even has a HUGE garage so we don't need a storage unit. So now we are just waiting for them to get back to us with our welcome letter. I know they did a credit check because we got an alert from Credit Karma. I also know we have excellent credit, but I am still just a LITTLE nervous and will be until I know we are good to go. I know... I am a nervous Nellie.

We had our inspection and appraisal yesterday and also had a garage sale. Our realtor called earlier to tell us that OUR seller found a house (YEY!), but now they are in the same boat WE are. THEIR sellers haven't found a house yet! OMG! This is such the domino effect! I told my realtor she may want to offer the name of the place we found that do short term rentals!

RE: First timer in need of emotional support

It'll be June 3 before you realize. Organize your possessions and plan how to decorate your new home. Best of luck!

RE: First timer in need of emotional support

I have bought and sold several properties in the last 40 years, I always say too many to count so I did and the tally today and the number is 53, I think. If I told you I wasn't a bit nervous on each and every sale I would be lying. So don't feel you are alone, if you aren't stressed at all then I would be concerned.


Great story man, the place we are in was a rental I bought 22 years ago. It was a seasonal lakefront vacation property that was virtually untouched since 1946 other than some mechanical and adding indoor plumbing. It was my wifes first experience with remodeling other than paint and wallpaper. I bought it in the late fall and had to get her upgraded to get the best rental rates for Memorial Day. From driving screws wearing gloves to cramming ourselves into a single bed we dragged next to the woodstove in the livingroom to keep from freezing, taking the battery out of the Jeep every night to make sure it started the next day, snowed in for 2 days, no power, water, nothing but a case of beer and a bottle of anti freeze (Vodka) to drink. We look back now and it was the most fun we had and that winter beats out all the 5 star vacations we've ever had.

RE: First timer in need of emotional support

We were in a similar situation last year with the sale/purchase of our previous and current home. It was a complicated situation but suffice it to say it was stressful but everything worked out great!

We had to store our stuff for one month (at Public Storage with first month free - so we only paid the basic fess of $26!) and yes we had to pay for 2 moves since pods were not available to our previous location. Pod type moving/storage is a great option otherwise. But the 2 moves in/out of storage were cheaper than 2 full moves since they could back the truck right up to the storage room and unload quickly. We rented a furnished apartment for a month (with pets, that wasn't easy to find in our area and it was very expensive but only 1 month...) and we moved into our new place on time.

There were lots of stressful days when it looked like things were going to fall apart, but they didn't. Ultimately, you can live in a hotel room for a short time if necessary, just look forward to your new home - you'll be in it before long and this will all seem like a distant memory!

RE: First timer in need of emotional support

Wow, ShanaMaiya. As a fellow "Nervous Nellie", I can sympathize with your jitters. The whole process is nerve-wracking. Hopefully you are able to focus on how you're going to fix up your new place and make it "yours". :)

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