What climate are you in? I think your view on the house may change some when you have kids. I know mine certainly did. Having a pool would be great with kids - once they are older, but even really young ones love it and can learn to swim. In our climate ours would get used daily if we had one, but we are not getting one.

I think I would take your husbands approach and focus on children first and then see where to go from there. This way you could build a house that would work for all of you as a family or you could end up wanting to change the house you just built as it no longer fits family life the same way as you thought it might.

There is a large cost in selling other than price too. Such as the closing costs and realtor fees etc.

lyfia, we are on the east coast (NJ). The beach is 10 miles from our house. We initially thought it would be nice to have our own pool, so we don't have to "compete" with everyone else for the beach. (We also a large reservoir park in town so there is no lack of water-related entertainment.)

Here, the pool is typically opened right before the memorial day, and closed in early September. I think the water is usually too cold for me, so I don't really go in. (My mother-in-law doesn't like the water temperature either.) Our pool does have a built-in natural gas heater, but we don't use it, as it would take a lot of gas to heat up and I'd probably only use it for half an hour.

Most of our neighbors have a pool, and their kids do seem to enjoy it. I guess they are tougher than me, or they use their heater. :)

ETA: I just did a bit research.. it seems the typical cost of selling, as far as real estate agent is concerned, is 6% of the sale price. That's indeed quite a big chunk of money.

This post was edited by ILoveCookie on Fri, Apr 5, 13 at 15:59

I agree that your needs will change after you have kids, and this house may or may not be ideal then, but any house you build might not be perfect for kids either.

We had a pool when the kids were growing up and it was great! We used it a lot. We also had a heater that we didn't use, but we used a solar blanket on the pool, which really warmed it up. Ours was on a reel so that it was easier to put on and take off.

Justify it to who?

Never even let the thought cross my mind.

I'd be surprised if you can sell your house for 'only' 6% (if you thought that was a chunk of change). In my state, there are also real estate sales taxes in addition to that realtor commission of 6%. I think around here, people plan on about 10% of the sales price going to fees and taxes...

Easy solution.

Divorce. Split proceeds. Build your dream house and get a new spouse.

The interim rental sort of takes care of itself there.

......just kidding!

If I were you, I'd try to address this from two perspectives. Emotional arguments and Financial/Logical arguments.

Emotionally, if you aren't happy, then your spouse should really be listening to you and you to him. But since this isn't the marriage relationship forum, I'll stop the emotional appeal process there. Just talk about it. Sometimes, emotion/happiness is worth all the money in the world.

From a financial/logical argument, pull together a spreadsheet and learn how to to a Present value versus Future value formula (google it).

Calculate in the cost of the home you've already purchased. Add in all your costs to date...purchase down payment, improvements, taxes, etc. Everything goes in that bucket. Now look at your total equity you have in the home. Calculate some estimates for what it will cost you to sell that house and what you think you'll make in net proceeds. Interest rates are insanely low right now, so take those net proceeds and find the absolute BEST return on investment you could make if you invested it for 2-3 years....maybe some of it after you buy some land for your new home, maybe all of it. Do the other math if you plan on getting a loan for this land/home construction. Keep in mind lenders have different rules for new construction unless its in a subdivision or something so that may need be factored in. Then calculate your rent payments you'll pay (and the tax benefits you lose while paying rent!) during the construction phase. All of this becomes your REAL cost of doing what you've contemplated...selling, renting for awhile, and then building/buying you dream home.

Now compare ALL of that to a future value model of just staying in the same home for several more years and waiting for your "dream home" exit opportunity. Make sure you calculate tax benefits of continued ownership, and the differential in those benefits between this home and the next. Look also at what it costs for continued upkeep, improvements, etc to make you happier.

You get the picture? I'm leaving stuff out but hopefully you can figure it out.

Now you've got your financial/logical argument in black and white. And if you do this WITH your spouse, I'm betting you'll have your emotional discussions/arguments along the way so two birds with one stone.

Short summary: Interest rates are likely at their lowest point in recent/future history. There is likely an argument to be made for selling and re-buying what you want, and that time may be right about now. But ultimately, you have to quantify it.

Building would not be the financially sound choice, in most areas of the country. If you are unhappy with your current house, you could sell it and choose a house that fits you better (and is already built).

I was aware there would be financial loss if we do what I contemplated now, but I wasn't sure to what extent the loss could be. Tony2Toes, kirkhall, you guys made me think a bit more clearly.

Perhaps I should shift my focus to the floor plan and features of my "dream home", while keeping an eye on land for sale and waiting for an exit opportunity.

Money is a limited resource for most people. You have to decide how to spread it around to make the most of that limited resource. I am glad that other posters helped you.

I decided to spend only X amount of money on my housing so that I can spend the money on things that matter A LOT more to me. Each move that I make will add significantly to that equation and I am not willing to spend more money on the house and lose out on other opportunities!

For example, I bought an expensive grand piano recently (with cash). We went to Europe twice last year with my kids (with cash). I will have enough to pay for my kids college tuition even if they go to private colleges. I wouldn't/couldn't have been able to do these things if I moved up every time I had house-envy. Price out how much it costs to go on a nice vacation with 2 kids. Translate that to how much mortgage payment that is equal to. ($5000 trip every year is equivalent to about 100K of extra mortgage.)

Sit down with your husband. Pencil out things that you both want to do that costs money; trips, taking classes, another degree, new car, early retirement, having kids etc etc. Typical daycare costs about 8K to 10K per year. Nannies cost 30K per year. Kids are very expensive.

Then force yourself to rank the order of importance for you. Then you can decide if buying another house is worth it to you or not.

The more planning you do with your money, the more options you will have in our life.

Do not forget the 3.8% Obamacare tax added to profit over the $250,000 per person income tax that is due.

For two owners (like a couple) that means profit over $500,000.

But brickeye, the poster already said they'd be taking a loss, not a gain.

I don't see this tax as touching very many people. Once you subtract the purchase price of the house and then subtract capital improvements, it's hard to have an actual profit of half a mill unless the sale price is really huge.

I also suggest waiting until you have kids to see what you think would work best for you long term. Especially if this is your first house together. If you grow to hate your current house then perhaps move into a rental. Building is time consuming, emotional and expensive. Well worth it if you know you will be there for a good amount of time, but not worth the headache if you are moving again because of another kid, family member care taking needs, lots of guests because close family members move away, you need to downsize because you hate your job and take another one that pays less to preserve your sanity, etc. Once you are more sure of where you will be as a family in 5 and 10 years then make your plans. Good luck.

I really do not understand how one purchases a house that now seems sooooo wrong on all levels? Your husband probably has concerns that it would happen all over again.

You might like having those "extra" rooms when you have kids. You will appreciate having the space to keep all their stuff separate from the public areas, and when they're teens you'll want to create a space where they can have friends over. You'll want this, even though you're private people, because it's always better to have your teens and their friends be comfortable in your home where you can subtly keep an ear on them, instead of out somewhere else! The pool will be a huge plus. And can't you use solar heat for the pool?

You sound very young - are you? Under 30, perhaps?

My advice is to sit tight and see how things work out, especially in the children department. Your husband seems to have your best interests at heart and is slower to pull any triggers that would result in unnecessary expenditures. (No offense meant.)

littlebug5, I am 30. My husband is a little younger, but he is the less impulsive one.

Upon reading everyone's response, I realized what I was contemplating is quite naive. I am going to try shifting my focus to the current house, to make it more comfortable for us (and imaginary kids) to live in.

idrive65, I didn't know one could use solar heat for the pool. I will look into that. Right now our solar system is just generating electricity.

This post was edited by ILoveCookie on Sun, Apr 7, 13 at 14:07

Things change once you have kids so I would certainly wait until them to make any big decisions.

You say you have a pool. With young children it is particularly important to make sure that you have adequate security. When we had a pool with young children 3 to 5 at one time - we had an alarm on all doors so that we knew if someone went outside. We then had a separate fence that was 6 ft. high around the pool. Basically you could not come out the back door and go straight to the pool as the pool was fenced off from the patio. And, no, 4 ft. isn't high enough. In planning to improve your current house, be sure to budget for making the pool secure.

A few years ago we did much like you suggested. That is we planned to build. We ended up not building once I realized that building was going to cost so much more than buying. We did end up buying another house but I'm so glad we didn't build.

You may say you are a bit naive, but not taking offense at some of the responses and using them to reevaluate your choices shows a lot of maturity and understanding.

Our pool is fenced off (5' tall) from the backyard, but it's accessible from the back door. We do have a security system in the house, so when any door on the 1st floor opens, it beeps. So we might be OK there.

Speaking of safety, our insurance company made us remove the diving board when we first moved in. But that didn't stop some friends who visited us from jumping into the pool, from the exact same spot where the diving board was. Jumping is a bit safer than diving, I guess.. but I was fairly nervous to watch them do it. I'd need to make sure my kids don't do that.

This post was edited by ILoveCookie on Sun, Apr 7, 13 at 20:39

Isn't common to jump into a pool?

Do you only walk into the pool on steps?

Of course jumping is much safer than diving, no comparison.

I encouraged my kids to jump into the pool, and even taught them how to dive in.

I'd get rid of the pool. :)

No, really. It'll be a big job to get it out and require re-landscaping, but it's safer, cheaper, and more "green" to not have one--especially if you don't use it.

I consider my kid's chances of living to a ripe old age higher because they learned how to swim at 3 years of age...
The amount of money it would take to remove the pool would be far more than you will spend on it during your lifetime...
Owning a pool is no less "green", whatever that may mean, than most other activities we do. I hate when followers toss that word around just to make themselves feel good.
OP... go to www.poolcalculator.com for an online calculator that tells you exactly how to take care of the pool. And there is no need to spend hundreds of dollard on pool store bought chemicals. Use Baking Soda for raising Total Alkalinity, use Calcium Chloride chips for adding calcium, use bleach for shock, get a salt water generator to produce chlorine. these active ingredients are the same as hat a pool store will sell you under the guise of fancy names and smaller packages and huge price increases. The only chemical one needs to buy from a pool store is CYA. And I am working on finding a diferent source for that.

As someone currently raising kids, your current house sounds wonderful for having a family. Is it in a neighborhood? If so, even better.

House in the woods sounds lovely, but kids need a place to ride their bikes and play with other kids. You won't have a problem with that -- since you will have that pool in the backyard!

" the poster already said they'd be taking a loss, not a gain. "

Still not seeing that.

ncrealestateguy, thank you for money saving tip on pool chemicals. I will check out the poolcalculator website. This will hopefully offset some cost in running pool equipment + in pool opening/closing.

The previous owners spent years on building the pool and the surrounding deck and waterfall. I wouldn't want to undo their hard work by filling in the pool..

stir_fryi, our house is in a nice neighborhood, which is surrounded by woods. Our 1 acre is cleared, mostly flat land. Kids can definitely ride bicycles and play football on it. (Occasionally, I see neighbors' kids riding small motorcycles in their yard & on the streets in our neighborhood. What luxurious toys they have!)

Edit to add:

Given the current housing market, if we sell the house now, we would most likely not gain anything financially (after factoring in all the costs related to selling & moving). If the current market were similar to 2004 or early 2005, we would probably be able to pocket some profit, but I don't think it would be close to half million..

This post was edited by ILoveCookie on Tue, Apr 9, 13 at 12:16

I have a pool and I know how "ungreen" it is (except when it is haha!).

If you don't use it, it's wasted energy unless you let it go natural. Neighbors frown on that.

Anyway, the pool is one thing the OP listed as something she didn't like or use (but does now). It's easier to re landscape a former pool than build a new house.

You can grow tilapia in a pool though. Not green but you can be a locavore.

My husband grew up with a backyard pool. It was a wonderful part of his childhood. Back then, there was no AC in people's homes. So the pool made the summers quite enjoyable.

Because of the insurance restrictions, many developments no longer have the neighborhood pools that the kids can walk to and swim. This was common a few decades ago, now not so much. If you don't have a pool that you can walk to, you could be driving your kids to the pool all summer.

Depending on your finances, you will either be a stay at home mom or a working mom. The logistics are very very different. If your family will have one parent at home, backyard pool is a fabulous thing! If you both work, the use will be limited to the weekends only.

Where we live, some people rent out their pool to teachers that give private swim lessons to little kids. In order to do this, you have to keep is a bit warmer than the usual temperature. This is an odd way to reduce the cost of pool ownership, but it seems to happen often enough.