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Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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Posted by rosajoe (My Page) on Tue, Feb 2, 10 at 17:32
I always make a baby quilt for the new members of our fam. Everyone wants the name, date, weight, and time on the quilt. This baby was born last March and I asked about 5 times for the info.
After 9 months I saw the father at a birthday party and told him I need the info to put on the quilt. He said he had been too busy too call or e-mail.
Wifie doesn't work, she can't take 5 minutes to call??
I just feel as this is a very unappreciated baby quilt and I am having a hard time getting motivated.
I just keep telling myself it is for the baby. Also, my sister would be very hurt if I didn't make the quilt and I don't want that.
I make Christmas gifts for the youngsters and I always include the wifie's daughter from a previous marriage. She asked me what I would charge to make the item for someone in her fam and I only quoted the price of the material. She said that was too much.
Well then learn to quilt sweety LOL.
I guess I'm getting old and testy, but I've reached a point where I don't have the patience to make things I feel obligated to make.
I want my items to be appreciated for the time and love I put in to them.
Rosa |
Follow-Up Postings:
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| You know, I've had a week like that, RosaJoe so you touched a nerve with me by this post. I'd ask once. If they were that excited about it, you'd have heard back. They don't want it, or they'd have given you the information. You don't want to hurt your sister? I take it she is the grandparent? Then it's isn't about quilts, it's about feeling slighted and I'd tell her why the baby isn't getting a quilt. I'd have ended up sending a gift certificate, a polite card and calling my obligations fulfilled. Quilts out of obligation? OMGod the amount of time, money and love going into one they should only go to people who really want them. You say it's for the baby? It may never make it to the baby, but a goodwill box or a dog house. I guess I'm getting old and testy too. Wait until the child is old enough to appreciate a special quilt and then give it to her/him. Cut out the middleman. |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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I think this is a common nerve (too bad, actually) The woman who thought fabric-only-charge was too much is the type that sets me off the worst! But I guess when you can get a made in China 'bed in the bag quilt' for $29.95, ours should be 5 bucks, right??! Anyone elses' blood pressure rising??
I made a queen-size wedding quilt a yr & a half ago - never a thank you except from the brides' dad! Made them a baby quilt before Christmas, figuring it would meet w/the same response (& it would be my last for that family), but low & behold! I got a thank you on Sat (yea, the 30th of Jan! better late than never...)
Frankly, I'd explain to your sis that much as you'd like to keep up the tradition, it's obvious the baby's parents just aren't into quilts, therefore you'll possibly make one for him/her at a later date (high school graduation maybe??!) That was a great suggestion Calliope!
Our time & efforts, & if you're like me, prayers for the recipient, are too valuable to be wasted on a few who just don't get it. Let them buy the bed in the bag!! lol |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| Rosa, These particular family members are not appreciative of your quilts. Other family members may not feel the same. However, because you feel it's an obligation, you aren't enjoying it. If you've already made the quilt, keep it until you get the info....talk to your sister. If you haven't made it yet and you want to, make it in 'your' time frame, when you won't feel like it's a burden. Great-Aunties can be known to be a bit cantankerous and outspoken. @:) SharonG/FL |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| rosajoe, I'm so sorry that your family is being such a pain in the quilter's finger...lol. I agree, "obligation" quilts are sometimes tough to get emotionally involved with. As for the issues brought up here about getting some kind of considerate thank you, my Aunt Ione had a great way to take care of this problem. She crocheted. Like a madwoman, it seemed. There were plenty of nieces and nephews who all got an afghan when they got married. Each baby got a baby afghan handmade by her. Sometimes (for bridal showers usually) you might get a bath mat or potholders, too. And some babies/very small children got sweaters and tams (hats), too. That's a lot of yarn. So.......if the recipient wrote a thank you, there would always be another handmade gift from Aunt Ione for the next "big event". But forget that thank you note? Never again would you see another Aunt Ione creation. Crafters don't ask for much when we make gifts. But a genuinely heartfelt thank you goes a long way to keep that loving person sending handmade gifts your way. Words are inexpensive, but they can go a long way to making inroads. HTH, Odessa |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| I'm with Odessa's Aunt Ione!! I have nieces and nephews on their second children (and there are a lot of nieces and nephews). No thank you for the wedding gift or first baby gift - out of luck from then on. This is why I don't personalize the baby quilts - one per family is enough. It will last through multiple children. Rosajoe, I've been old and testy for a long time, and it started when I was about 30, LOL. These people don't really understand the effort, or they don't want the baby quilt - so let yourself off the hook and move on. |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| I always remember someone saying they visited their son to see the lovely wedding quilt thrown over his motorcycle in the garage. I'm with the others. Your time and love of quilting is more important than that. |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| That is a toughie. But I think I would make a quilt without the info and give it to the baby. I would hate for the baby to get older and find out they were the only one who didn't get a quilt. But I certainly wouldn't feel obligated to make anything else for them. beverly |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| One thing is for sure, they don't understand or appreciate what goes into a handmade quilt. Lots of people can't get past the dollar value of what they see at Wal-Mart, especially if they really can't afford any better. But if the quilt is made, you may as well put on whatever information you know (name and date?) and send it on. You just never know what goes on, or what the child might find comfort in some day. It's not exactly a pearl cast before swine, more like a note in a bottle cast into the sea. |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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Don't waste your time or guilt feelings over these people. I learned a long time ago that not everyone appreciates the time, thought, and cost of materials for handmade items. I would save the quilt since it's already made and give it to someone that you know will really appreciate it. You could just buy a cheap one made in China if you feel obligated, they will probably love it since it will have a store label. And if they or anyone else happened to mention not getting one homemade, I would tell them exactly why they didn't. I probably sound a bit bitter here, but I've had my feelings hurt recently over the same sort of issue and know what it feels like. Face it, we are crazy for our quilts and the process but we need to realize that there are people who just don't have the same feelings over our passions as we do. And then, when we do give one to someone who is genuinely appreciative, it makes up for it. I made a baby quilt for a friend's new baby over 25 years ago and I was so overwhelmed when I was told a year ago that the baby, a girl, still possesses and cherishes that quilt after all those years.
Rita |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| I am totally with Rita. I have made quilts for two great nieces and two great nephews. I always got a thank you card, but for one of the nieces, I then got a picture of her with a store-bought quilt. Grrr. People who do not make quilts really have no idea what goes into it. If they can't get the info to you, don't make one. Buy one if you wish, but I wouldn't put that time into it. |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| This may be absurd but I don't make quilts for other people. I make them for mayself. By that I mean that I make them because I want to not because I have to. I keep very few and when they are gone they are no longer mine. It gives me great pleasure if they are appreciated but if they arn't I have already had my pleasure by having created it. A sincere thank you is wonderful but "thank you" means nothing unless it there is honesty behind it. Too often this can be the case. I feel no obligation to anyone, only the pleasure of sharing if I feel like making that commitment. I try to commit myself only to things that give me pleasure and in doing so I hope others will reap the rewards. Jayne |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| grammyp and nanajane said it for me. I get my pleasure in creating the quilt. My mother said many years ago, "When you give a gift, let go with both hands" |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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I agree. I love to quilt and I donate and volunteer quite a bit.
DH said just think of it as a quilt you are making for charity.
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RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| If it were me, I think I'd do the quilt w/o the info. and give it. But I also think it would be fine if you didn't do a quilt. The feeling of 'obligation' does take the joy out of it while a 'gift' makes the heart light. Someone on this forum several years ago shared a piece of advice that has made a lot of sense to me. Giving a gift is about the recipient - if they would appreciate something hand-made, then use your skill, time and resources to make them a gift. If they would only appreciate something store-bought, don't waste your time, effort and resources on making something, purchase something within your budget for them. They are happy and you have not squandered your time. I don't think you're cranky - you just don't want your efforts to be wasted, which is wise. Part of having a skill is having the say on how you use it and for who. My daughter is growing as an artist and has done a few portraits for people of their children. Another person accosted her and demanded a portrait be done. My daughter shared what her charges were (I was so proud of her that she stood up for herself - I think I would have just agreed to do the drawing!) The person was taken back and asked her what business she had charging for a portrait when she was an amateur. My daughter stood her ground and said that actually her price was quite low for a portrait. We should have the wisdom to share our work with those who will appreciate it, and we should decide if we want to give it as a gift, or if we want to charge a respectable price for it. |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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I do agree w/those who have stated that they get as much joy from making the quilt as giving it, or more. And LOVE the comment 'when giving the gift let go w/both hands' - VERY well said!! all things considered, read all our posts & the words of wisdom sprinkled throughout---then listen to your heart & do what you feel you'll be happy living with. I think many of us have gleaned alot from this post, even if it was a wee bit of venting-lol!
Quilt ON!! |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| I would make the quilt put the babies name on it and sent it to your sister with a note explaining the way it does have the other info. Then she can give it them and if anything needs to be said it can be said by a loving mother. Then you have fulfilled an obligation. Vicky |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| Make the quilt if you want to - for you & the baby - make the label as a fill in the blank,and send a note and a pen and let the Mom & Dad fill in the pertinent info. Be sure to have your "Made with Love by testy old Aunt Rosa" (just kidding) blurb embroidered or however you make your labels. If Mom & Dad or your Sister fill in the blanks fine, if not, that's fine to. For large families, make a family baby quilt like Mary with a personalized label that leaves room to add other babys' names if more babies arrive. If the quilt becomes a favorite and the child won't let it be handed down - that's great- and you would be more then happy to make another for the new baby - that's really what you want anyway, a child to love your quilt to pieces! My DH's family has no creative blood or do it your-self-ness -they have never gotten it. They always thought I was "cheap" because I made their gifts. I am not into crafts-the gifts were always major sewing gifts. My brother, on the flip side "nags" me to death for new quilts, throws, bedspreads--I'm cranky - I ignore them all :) |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| I work in a psychiatric treatment center and recently had a 17 year old girl come in who told me that I had made her a baby blanket when she was a baby and that she still had it. She and her parents (who I worked with) moved away when she was young and I could have made her one but I really don't remember. You would have thought I had given this girl a million dollars with the thrill she had in telling me about this blanket that I made her!! Back then and still babies get two pieces of novelty fabric sandwiched with batting inside about 45 x 36. So we can never predict what might hold value for one vs. another or what might be a cover for a harley!!! A few years ago, I pulled a greased stained quilt out of the neighbors garbage!!! It was embroidered blocks and I cut some of the cleaner ones out and planned to make pillows for that neighbors grandkids!!!! Hopefully if I ever get it done it won't be bad memories!! |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| That jiggled a memory for me too. I am also a retired nurse. When I heard a foster child whom I had for six years was pregnant, I started knitting her a baby afghan. I took it up to her when she delivered (hadn't seen her in fifteen years) and gave her assorted things like a camera and clothing for her baby. The only thing she was impressed with was the knitted blanket. I probably made her the only things she ever received in her life not coming from a store or a charity. Yes, you never know. |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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I would make the quilt without the info--For 2 reasons, 1, because you didn't get the info, but also (and this is just me)--I'm not a saver and am raising my kids to not be savers either. My son received a beautiful cross stitch picture with his name, birthday, etc. on it which we kept hanging on his wall until he outgrew it. Now it sits in my closet and I'm not sure what to do with it. If it were not personalized, he could give it to his own child some day, but as it is, it has outgrown it's appeal. So, I say, leave off the info, so more children can enjoy.
As for the thank you notes--I like when people send them, but that's not why I give the gift.
As for people offering to buy your work and pay pennies for it--I HATE THAT! |
RE: Just can't get into 'obligation' quilt
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| I don't put anything personal on any of my quilts. That can always be put on a tag or label later. The reason being is that way one can make quilts ahead. How many times have you been working on a quilt for one person, and a situation comes up where a different person needs one and you have to hurry up and switch gears and put the first on hold? If you have a little stash of already-made baby quilts, they can be given immediately, and a label can be attached later. |
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