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Posted by rosajoe (My Page) on
Mon, Sep 3, 07 at 20:22

I try not to judge and I usually keep my opinions to myself about other peoples lives.
BUT, we have been helping a friend whose 25 year old daughter was diagnosed with cancer, the daughter has a little 4 year old girl (not married and father has disapeared) and living with an unemployed father of 3 small kids. My friend has paid many of their bills and we have tried to help out. She is on welfare and pregnant, the baby was still born and extremely deformed. They could not pay for the funeral so we tried to get them help.
The unemployed boyfriend is a lousy example of a father and today we were told that she is pregnant again.
I am ready to say to this person that I am not helping any more when you obviously do not care enough to help your self and your kids.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, I simply do not understand this destructive and demeaning behavior. I told my friend to stop making payments for the lazy boyfriend and maybe he will get a job.
am I just getting too selfish in my old age, or am I just fed up with users that will continue to take, and take, and take??

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Pregnancies

Rosa, You most definitly are NOT being selfish, actually just the opposite! In trying to help it sounds like you were enabling them. Time for them to grow up & realize, as we all have to do at some point, and take responsibility for what happens in our lives. It is the hard times that makes us strong...I speak from experience :)
Helen May

RE: Pregnancies


RE: Pregnancies

You are not being selfish. I don't mind helping those who are struggling and trying to survive on their own. But that doesn't seem to be the case. Enough is enough and there is no reason to throw good effort after bad.


RE: Pregnancies

I completely agree! It's not like you haven't helped her start over...she's just not learning. Unfortunately our system is also enabling. THe more kids she has, the more money she gets. Not that that is her reason for getting pregnant, but there is still a pay off for her.

You have done your share. It sounds like it's time for you to step back and come what may. Your friend would be wise in doing the same thing (though tough love is harder when it's your kid/grandkid)

RE: Pregnancies

Although it is hard to see our kids struggle, it is what makes them strong. Your friend may get some strength from you if you step back and let her know you think you feel you have done enough. They do need to take responsibility for themselves.

I am whispering a prayer for you for strength to stand your ground.


RE: Pregnancies

Thanks to all of you. My DH and I had already decided that we need to step back and say no, but it was a hard decision to make. I just needed someone to tell me I was making the right choice. The young lady always calls crying and yesterday I refered her to our pastor and then I didn't answer the phone for the rest of the day.
My heart still goes out to those 'that have to learn the hard way' if they ever do learn.

RE: Pregnancies

Wow Rosa - what a wonderful thing to do to reach out and try and help someone in need, and what a strong thing to do to pull back when that became the right thing to do. It reminds me of the serenity prayer..

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


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