I don't go on this forum too much as it moves rather slowly, but I saw your post and wanted to express my sympathy about your mother's passing. Unfortunately, we share much in common. My mother was also my best friend, and she died very suddenly, also of a brain hemorhage. She was on vacation with my family and at the end of a busy day, she mentioned feeling a bit tired and would try to have a nap before dinner. She seemed her normal self and mentioned nothing else other than feeling a bit tired. As I was helping her pull back the bedspread and get settled, she just suddenly slumped over and could not be revived by either my DH or myself who both know CPR, or the paramedics when they arrived. Her death was so unexpected as she was only 70, but the only positive feeling I could muster out of it was that it was almost instantaneous and she apparently didn't suffer. However, I can totally relate to your feelings of "what if" and so forth, as I went through the very same thing. I kept thinking that if I had just been suspicious when my mom mentioned she felt a bit tired, I might have known something was odd. However, the doctors assured me that it's almost impossible to survive a massive brain hemorhage even if you are right in a hospital, and I would just have to understand that nothing could have been done, but she died without pain. It has been almost 4 years since I lost my mother and I still miss her terribly. But I can tell you that the raw grief you are going through right now will mellow somewhat over the years. You will not stop missing your mother. But you will be able to think and speak of her without crying all the time, and cherish the happy memories, as opposed to dwelling on her death, which is so common in the first year. My thoughts are with you, and I wanted to pass along something written in one of the sympathy cards I received. It said "A loved one is not really gone unless they are forgotten."

My Mom passed in June 03 and my Dad just this past Feb 04. There house is next to mine. I remember putting the house up for sale and how sad that was. I have 1 brother in AZ but after my Dads funeral he went home. So we sold the house and now I had to face it, clean it out,keep or throw,donate blah blah blah. I did keep pretty much and had to rent a locker. It's so hard to get rid of their thing's and you want to hold on to everything they had. But in real life people have different tastes and we don't have room for 2 houses worth of stuff. So I kept what I would use and memory thing's. What I did learn is not to make rash decsions and just throw away something you might regret later. When it comes down to it, it's all memory stuff because they had it. I have not looked at much I kept since I put thing's away but I will soon as I will never use all the thing's I kept. You need to take care of you as well. I know it's hard but relax when you get the chance. Trust me we had a dead line as well and I didn't think we would make it but we did. I will not tell you it gets eaiser but it does get different. There is not a half day that goes by I don't miss and think of my parents. I miss them so much and I still cry when I have to. Grief is just another word for love...:) I hope you have better days to come.. Marie

Maybe too many cats within a limited area. Just a thought. We had 3 that had a litter all at the same time-Oh that was fun. We had to keep one mom and kittens in one room and the other two were ok. The original mom became aggresive and we did have to watch her. Later when the kittens got older and got new homes it became better. I asked our vet and he said that some cats just plain don't get along with others. Just my own experience.

First wanted to thank everyone that has responded. I agree that I should at least try the counseling before breaking up the marriage. I had asked my husband earlier this year to add SD to his health insurance so we can take her to a therapist, he finally agreed it was necessary (this was prior to the incident with my daughter). My husband briefly mentioned to BM that he wanted to take her to talk to someone and she was VERY against it. She said that if that was the case she wanted to be involved in every step, so we became sort of hesitant. However, I have come to realize that we both have to stop making concessions for the BM when she is at the root of most of my SD aggressions toward my family. I found a therapist that is experienced in handling both our marital problems & adolescent aggression and she works weekend hours which is perfect because she is in school and we could take her when she visits her father. Just to clarify I have made many efforts to form a relationship with my SD. However, I also believe that my husband is neither doing my SD or our family any good by ignoring the situation and not dealing with it head-on. Our role as parents is to guide our children to be good, loving human beings with a solid moral center and by not addressing the behavior we are giving her proper direction. I also think I need to take charge of my house and be more proactive when it comes to my SD's behavior. I hope therapy will facilitate this process and the BM will not make a huge issue of it and for once see that this would be cathartic for her. In addition, it would give my husband the opportunity to explain why he was not present for her birth, which her mother "kindly" told her version, in a controlled environment with the direction of a therapist. So, of course, I am hoping for the best and also know that this by no means will be a quick fix but instead a committment which my husband and I are willing to participate in (I have to start somewhere). Thank you again for your words of support.