Jan, You are a kind and compassionate woman. Thank you for caring about all of us. In laws can destroy relationships. Although my marriage was destroyed by many factors, the learning experience has enabled me to help my daughter save her marriage from her jealous mother in law. She wanted to keep getting my support and not supporting me in return, so I am now pretty much estranged from her and her sister. They model after my irresponsible, lying, abusive X. The estrangement drags me down, but I try to keep on going despite it. I can only change/improve myself and my life. They are free of to live their own lives. I have 2 grandsons who live out of state and my daughter has not denied me a relationship of sorts with them. This is not what I expected at all, as I devoted my all to raise them. I am very sorry for your heartache, but adult children seem to go their own way and they do not need us anymore. Some want us, like your daughter wants you, but sons seem to either be devoted to their Mothers, while others cling to their wives. My Mother was loved by all and she handled the son/daughter in laws by accepting invitations when invited, not asking them for anything, being respectful and nice to all and letting them live their own lives as they saw fit. I am not my Mother, nor a doormat, so I have a much tougher time with relationships because I express my views and try to protect myself from abuse; I have a few close friends and relatives, but not many. Please let us know how you are doing and if you find a way to mend the rift.

Clearly some people don't understand the difference between doing the "right" thing and being self indulgent. There are many times when my behavior reflects the "right" thing as society defines it and not the REAL way I feel. It's certainly quelled my desire to engage in road rage or tell my coworker she dresses like a slut, and I'm probably a better person for it. I'll be the first to admit that societal politeness has saved me from myself many times. And sometimes, much to my inevitable regret, I've lost control over my immediate knee-jerk response. In my opinion it's better to do the thing that will ultimately reflect upon your own character, even if the short term desire is to hurt someone. Letting someone else's bad behavior result in yours might be momentarily gratifying but in the long run, it's weakness. But, that's just my opinion. However, if petulant and bitter behavior is what you're really all about, then I guess some would say that is doing the right thing by being true to yourself. If that's the self you truly are. Only you know who you are or who you would hope to be.

A new toy!! How nice!! I remember how excited I was when I bought my new sewing machine. Definately take advantage of any classes that are offered.... it is the best way to get questions answered you may have. (as you 'play' with your machine...keep jotting down those questions, nothing worse than forgetting what you wanted to ask! Quilting is a wonderful hobby. What other way can you relax and make something along the way. Not to mention the nice people you meet. Great way to trade fabric, and learn new techniques. Enjoy the adventure. Welcome. ~Barbara

Sometimes you have to let it all out and other times just walk away. You told your son you won't help and its probably very hard on him not having a wife that will work and earn money for the household. So, many do need two but there are alot of moms/wives that stay home but they are earning money somehow and learn to budget big time to make ends meet. She will always put you down so she twists it to make you the bad guy not herself, you know the truth and so let it drop. I know I went through hell and back with my mother and sil and no matter what I did or didn't do it wasn't good enough and the horrible comments all the time. This fall I literally couldn't stand nasty sil and the horrible terrible things she was doing, lost everything and her going at me like something else. I broke down and emailed to my brother everything going on and guess what he said if you going to talk nasty then won't reply. So, you know who they will always believe and go with their wives and you won't win so drop it and let it be and don't answer those calls from your son then, he can leave messages and you don't have to say no money, won't give you any, can't help you and not going too as we are getting older and need to care for ourselves in old age and the world isn't getting any cheaper, its getting more expensive. kathy