I am so sorry for your loss. I was following your other thread and was hoping for a better outcome. You were a great kitty mom for Princeton. He is no longer in pain or suffering. Don't beat yourself up. You did more that a lot of others would do.

Linda

You did the best you could with the information you were given. You saved him from an early death and gave him the gift of 16 years and he in return gave you his love, which he is still sending you. Listen for his voice in the wind. I am so sorry. (((hugs)))

I meant 12 years.

alisande- you did the most unselfish thing that you could do, you let him go, and he wasn't in pain anymore. I recently lost a cat to something similar. See the thread "cat losing weight" (sorry I can't link from this computer, it's the worst). I recently let my Smokey go, who looks a lot like your cat!! Today was my daughter's 6th birthday, (and my other cat has been super lonely) so we went to the pound and found a new kitten to love. We won't get him until Wednesday, but we adopted him from a great rescue league. Anyways, just know that you did a great job with Princeton. You took great care of him, and it's not easy, but it gets better. (((((((((((hugs)))))))))

I'm more of a lurker than a poster, but I've read your posts about Princeton and it sounds like you took wonderful care of him. All we can do is our best--and you obviously did! I had a cat that was misdiagnosed some years ago, and I still hurt when I think about the pain she went through for a month or so before she died. I loved that cat. But I now have a new generation of cats to love and I'm trying to care for them well. Like loving people, one needs to have a big heart when loving pets and that heart is bound to be broken and hurt at times.

Susan, I am so sorry. I know you feel that Princeton went through a lot toward the end, but I'm sure he knows that you love him and were doing everything possible for him. There are a lot of what ifs, and I understand completely that they will never be adequately or satisfactorily answered. I still struggle with that with Kang, who died 6 years ago. Princeton was loved enough to be let go, and that is the greatest love of all. You were always there for him, and now he will always be there for you, in spirit.

Susan, I am so, so sorry for your loss of Princeton. As acorn said, you did the absolute best you could with the information you were given. Vets are not gods, and they do make mistakes. Remember, they "practice" medicine. I have been through similar tragedies more times than I care to remember, and it is always so painful and infuriating.

There is a way to honor Princeton's life and death, however. When you are ready, spend some time thinking about all you have learned from his illness and the way he died. That always helps me with my grief, because I know that I will be able to use those critical lessons to make life better for the other animals who join my family. Please believe that there is purpose in the way that Princeton left this life. He was your teacher, as I believe all non-human animals are for us lowly humans. Remember all of the lessons, both happy and sad, that he taught you.

Princeton's indomitable spirit has been released from a failing body that could no longer support it.

I wish you a peaceful grief.

Laurie

I'm very sorry for your loss. Don't beat yourself up. I've done it too and it serves no purpose. You did what the vet said and you did everything for Princeton. I know he was special because of his association to your daughter. Know that he is with her now , and she is happy to see him. I really believe we will be reunited with our loved animals. Take care of yourself.

Aftre a pet dies we all have doubts, we all look at everything leading up to that crossing over with a magnifying lens, and pick apart everything - it is normal. I understand your grief, lord knows I have been through it with some pretty unprofessional vets, and I have learned valuable lessons from that experience,, I still beat myself up for those visits. Two things remain clear for me. The first being you did absolutely everything within your power as a human being to follow the vets prescribed protocol in hopes of helping your pet feel better. You are not to blame. You did nothing wrong. Second is that medicine is called a practice for a reason. I suggest you write the vet who diagnosed your pet and let them knkow what happened at the end of your pets life, including the nasal discharge - I dont think the letter has to be mean or threatening, just let the vet know what happened. The more the vet can learn about its patient the better - and hopefully will apply what they have learned to become a better vet, and hopefully anothe pet owner will benefit by you sharing your experience. I am glad to see that you have had sign that Princeton is with a loved one, it must make you feel better, and maybe it is a sign which should not be taken lightly, maybe it should help be a reassurance to you that your pet does not hold you accountable. My best to you, I hope your heart heals soon. Please dont be so hard on yourself. You did the best you could do. As I tell some of my clients, all you can do is all you can do. period. Be good to yourself

Susan, I am so sorry about Princeton. He knows how much you cared for him and loved him, and he will always be your guardian angel.

I am sending you furry hugs and sandpaper kisses, Princeton will always be here in spirit.

-Michelle

I'm so very sorry. I hope you can take some comfort from the wise words of these folks here. We must 'believe'....!
-Cheryl

Susan,

I am so sorry. I know what you are feeling to some extent--I just lost my little dog who was also under vet care at the time of his death. I have done the blame game, both of myself and the vet, I guess because it is easier to feel anger at us both than to deal with the hurt of losing my Homer.

The truth is, you did the best with the information you had at the time, and second-guessing yourself or your vet is not going to do anything but cause more pain. Medicine, in both pets and people, is not an exact science. Sometimes the results are great--sometimes they are not.

You did more for your Princeton than most people are willing to, and I hope that gives you comfort. He sounds like he was a very lucky, very loved cat.

Take care,

Kate

I find your story disturbing, extremely sad, maddening, and to horrible to contemplate. I also think no words could adequately express the awful experience and loss.

SG

I logged on here this morning realizing that I hadn't checked for a Princeton update for a few days. Right at the top of the list of messages I saw an answer - and my heart just sank.

I know the feeling all too well, as do most posters on this board, I believe. Do not be hard on yourself. You did so much for your Princeton, and nobody could've done more than you did.

My sincere sympathies go out to you, and hugs.

Suzieque

Susan, I am so sorry for your loss of Princeton. I do hope you find comfort to knowing he is with Jill.

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been thru lately.

I went back and read your first post and I'm not sure anything would have brought Princeton back to being a healthy cat, but from the info you provided I'm also not sure the second vet helped your mental state by saying what she said.

Even tho I don't think it would have helped Princeton at the state he was in, my question of the second vet would be: if she had wanted your cat on Doxy why didn't she find any form she could so that he could start on it immediately or even start him on IV?

I don't mean to make you feel any worse, but just wanted to tell you not to doubt the decisions you made. You took excellent care of Princeton and made the right decision to let him go.

I once had a vet fill in for my regular vet and, like your second vet, she questioned the treatment being given to my dog. After discussions with my regular vet, and more tests, the second vet was proved wrong.
Once the results of the tests come in I hope they give you some peace of mind.

Susan, I know all too well about what-ifs and second guessing when it comes to our babies. Somewhere deep inside though, you have to hold onto the knowledge that you really did everything you could and truly did what you felt was best.

This coming Friday it will be 5 years since we lost my very first baby (at 16), and in the next few months, the 5 year anniversaries of losing our second baby (15 1/2) and our kitten (5 months). I will always wonder many things about what we did or didn't do for them, but will never doubt that we did all we could.

Please, never doubt that you did the same for your Pirnceton. May he rest in peace.

You have my utmost condolences and (((hugs))) during this sad time.

Alisande, I am sorry for your loss. I agree with everyone else, you did what you could and there is absolutely no reason to blame yourself.

My thoughts are with you.

Thank you so much, everyone. I've said before that I've been through the loss of a pet many times, as well as the decision-making process that often accompanies it, and it never gets any easier. I certainly proved myself right this time.

When Princeton was diagnosed with leukemia, I didn't know how much time he had left, but I knew our time together would be limited. Unlike a sudden death, which I think is a lot harder most of the time, a terminal illness affords time to prepare and grieve in advance, if you will. On Princeton's bad days I was sad for him, and for me, but there was an inevitability surrounding us. Having a fatal illness, he was moving toward that fate.

As you can imagine, everything changed with that second diagnosis. Right or wrong, in my mind Princeton was no longer terminally ill. He could recover. He would recover. For him to die on the crest of that wave of hope was especially hard.

But many of you brought up some excellent points in your posts. My intuition was that the second vet was right. My intuition was that the pred was wrong for Princeton from the start. But my intuition, good as it is, isn't always 100% accurate. We shall see what the blood work reveals, and I'll certainly share that with you.

When my husband was in a nursing home at the end of his life, I used to see women who would spend all day at their husbands' bedsides, reading to them or watching TV. They looked frail and so devoted. Like saints. Part of me wanted to be like them, and the other part was appalled at the idea. I had a job, I had friends, I had family, and I needed all of that to stay healthy and alive. The saints looked as though they could go at any time. Still, I knew there would come a time when I would feel guilty for not being one of them. When that time came, I would tell myself I could have done more. To prepare for that, I reminded myself often that I was doing the best I could. I'll follow your advice and try to do the same thing now.

I like the idea of writing a friendly letter to the first vet. It's the kind of thing that I, a born communicator, would do. I hope he's open to learning from experience. I think he probably is.

My son and I dug a grave on the property together yesterday. I wrapped Princeton's body in a towel for burial, and I can tell you that it soaked up a lot of yellow fluid--not urine. I'm concerned now about my two other cats. I don't know what Princeton had, but I don't want Annie and Pogo to get it. The vet had told me the leukemia wasn't contagious, but I kept the female away from Princeton because she was often mean to him, and I kept the male away because I didn't want him eating Princeton's food. So the upstairs and attic has been off limits to Annie and Pogo, and I don't want to let them back up there until I've done what I can to sanitize the area.

Thank you again. I took everything you said to heart.

Susan

Just wanted to send you my condolences on your loss of Princeton. I know he is looking down on you and thanking you for all you did for him. You have been so dedicated to his care.

You will be in my thoughts.

I am so sorry Susan.
(((Susan)))

Susan, I am so sorry about the loss of Princeton. You did a lot for him, and I hope that fact comforts you during this sad time.

cocooner

Susan, I am so sorry.

An additional thank-you to those who posted after my last note.

Well, Princeton's story takes another turn. I just spoke to the second vet, who called me after receiving the pathologist's report on Princeton's blood work. Apparently the first vet's diagnosis was accurate after all.

She said Princeton's blood showed non-regenerative anemia with Heinz bodies. She described a decreased capacity for his system to oxygenate his blood. She said he had lymphoma, in this case cancer of the bone marrow. And he would have died of it no matter what we did or didn't give him.

So. I think it'll take me a little while to process this. I asked her to send me a copy of his bloodwork. As Laurie suggested, I will spend some time thinking about what I've learned from Princeton's life and his death. I think if I wrote it all down it would make quite a long list.

On the list would be this: I've learned that when I needed it the most, I found a solid community of support, information and understanding on GardenWeb's Pets Forum.

Susan

Susan
And he would have died of it no matter what we did or didn't give him.
I guess some answers can only help, especially as it seems nothing would have stopped the disease.
Do take time when you are ready to process all of this, as Laurie already wrote:
There is a way to honor Princeton's life and death, however. When you are ready, spend some time thinking about all you have learned from his illness and the way he died. That always helps me with my grief, because I know that I will be able to use those critical lessons to make life better for the other animals who join my family. Please believe that there is purpose in the way that Princeton left this life. He was your teacher, as I believe all non-human animals are for us lowly humans. Remember all of the lessons, both happy and sad, that he taught you.
I could not have said it better!

Thinking of you,
Anne-Marie

I'm so sorry to hear about your lose. My best friend died of leukemia when she was only 32 and I found writing or reading poetry or inspirational writings help me. This has long been a favorite of mine and I hope it offers you some comfort.

Do Not Weep
Do not stand by my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am the thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints in the snow; I am the sunlight
on ripened grain, I am the cool autumn rain.

When you awaken with morningÂs hush, I am the swift,
uplifting rush of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

So, do not stand by my grave and cry,
for there only my body lies. Instead feel the
light from above and know that I can feel your love.

http://www.wings-of-wonder.com/poems.html#B1

Thank you, Anne-Marie and Sweetchastity.

I just realized that I didn't mention the yellow fluid to the vet when I spoke with her yesterday. The vet who euthanized Princeton said it was coming from his lungs. Perhaps he had pneumonia.

Well, whatever he had, he doesn't have it anymore. As my daughter wrote to me, " . . . he is in happy kitty heaven right now, back to his old prince tony self."

alisande I am new at this forum and just read through this post.
I want to say how sorry I am for your loss of Princeton.
It sounds like you did everything you could for him, but sometimes it's still not enough. I know how hard making "the decision" can be, but I think Princeton fought as long as he could. Now he is at peace at the Rainbow Bridge.

I felt your pain and shared tears while reading.

Here is a poem I read somewhere and I hope you find comfort in it.

If It Should Be
Author ~ Unknown

If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand.
Don't let your grief then stay your hand.
For this day, more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years.
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer so;
The time has come -- please let me go.

Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me till the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Please do not grieve -- it must be you
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two these years;
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

(((hugs)))
Janet

I just found this today. I know it was back in 2008 that this was posted. But I hope you may read this still. I am so sorry for the loss of dear Princeton. Thank you for caring for that precious cat. I am a cat lover and am now 70 years old and have 2 strays I took in over 8 years ago. One is now ill and lost weight and has the same problems Princeton had. I know you still think about him and have days of mourning. I still do over the years when I lost a cat to cat heaven.

Here is a poem for you and my prayer for my cats before I die. Since I am an old woman and not an old man I will still hang onto this poem as if it were my own. My cats names are Moo Moo (ill) and Dinky Dawg.

Best of luck to you, dear cat lover and God bless you always. Cats have souls and we will see them again one day. I KNOW it.

An Old Man's Prayer For His Cat.....

So many years ago she came to me, a trusting tiny ball of fluff that climbed on my leg to play and sleep upon my lap. For all those years and still, we share our joys and love; but now both are grown old, and soon must die. Her eyes, like mine, are clouded and would no longer serve to catch her prey. She would not understand the missing saucer, the cold hearth and empty bed, nor bend her ways to suit some strangers house.

Pray, take her first, Oh Lord, that I may see her resting safe beneath the apple tree that once she loved to climb with such agility, beyond my reach.

I shall grieve with understanding...
then anyone can bury me.

..........Author Unknown

Thank you, Bebe2. It was good of you to add your wishes and prayer to this thread. And my appreciation, too, to Janet, whom I didn't get a chance to thank two years ago.

Still missing you, Prince Tony.

Thank you Susan for giving us all the privilege of getting to know you and Princeton through your postings. I cried through most of them but so grateful that there are many animal lovers, especially cat lovers, who care so deeply about their beloved pets. Without people like you (and our pets) this world would be a much sadder place to live.

They bring us love, joy and yes, sorrow when we lose them, but thank Heaven we got to experience it all.

The important thing is that we can love them and care for them while on earth. I believe God has a special place in His heart for those who care for His animal creation.
Thank you again, Susan, and all those who bring love to these precious innocent animals.