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deeeeeleeeeete

My old calico girl

Debbie Downer
10 years ago

My old calico (my namesake - Kashka the Kat) has taken a turn for the worse- wont eat or drink today, not even the old standbyes like tuna juice. .This on top of several weeks/months/years of going downhill - failing kidneys - some lung/pulmonary thing that my vet thinks either is a heart condition or the c word (cancer). The only way to be sure was to take her in for a biopsy and surgery and the question was did we want to put her through that.

And did I mention that she celebrated her 22nd birthday recently - she was born July 11, 1991 in my closet, one of two surviving kittens of the homeless mom cat I was fostering. Im not sure what happened, several were born dead and one other died soon after. I used to hold her 5 wks old in the palm of my hand, on her back and rub her little white belly.

I am debating whether to try to get water/food down her with a plastic syringe or do I leave her be.... what would she want....?

Or has she made her choice and is she telling me and I just don't want to hear it.....

I think of her how she always curled up next to my head purring all night -in her prime she had the type of purr you could hear in the next room it was so loud - for how many years, my companion for so long.... I feel like my heart is breaking.

Comments (21)

  • murraysmom Zone 6a OH
    10 years ago

    It is very sad to realize that your friend for 22 years is nearing the end of her life. It sounds like she has told you what she wants.

    Putting her through all that seems more than she can bear. Cherish your remaining time with her and then give her the last gift you can - freedom from any pain she is in.

    Give her lots of love and then let her go. After 22 years, you can't do better than that.

  • christine1950
    10 years ago

    Thoughts & prayers are with Kashka the Kat and you

  • schoolhouse_gw
    10 years ago

    What a long and loved life she has had. You both will be in my thoughts.

  • mudhoney
    10 years ago

    If you can't even get her to drink, it sounds like she is at the end. I fed my cat with a syringe off and on for several months, but he never quit drinking (actually copious amounts with his kidney failure). When he turned away from the syringe, I knew it was time. Some may say that you could take her to the vet and get an IV, but I don't think you want to put her through that and risk her dying at the vet. Look into at-home euthanasia, see if it is available where you live, it was really helpful for me. Give her an extra hug and kiss, I really love calicos, such personality!

  • spedigrees z4VT
    10 years ago

    I'm sorry to hear of your old girl's downward turn. I would not do anything invasive (surgery or even syringe feeding) to stress out an old animal, but the one thing you could do is give her sub cutaneous (under the skin) fluids using a lactated ringer solution. Your vet should be able to show you how.

    Most old cats suffer from dehydration no matter how much they drink, and it causes them discomfort, lack of appetite, lethargy, headache, etc. If you've ever been severely dehydrated, you can appreciate how bad it makes one feel. Fluids would likely perk up her appetite and give her more time, but especially it would make her more comfortable. I give my own 20 yr old calico fluids every other day and it definitely makes her feel better. When she reached her teens I began giving fluids to her once a week but my vet had me increase the frequency this past spring. I have kept 2 other cats (now gone) comfortable into their 20s using fluid therapy and it is truly a life extender and a great comfort.

    As far as cancer in my very old animals, I just try to keep them as comfortable as possible for as long as possible.

    Good luck with Kashka. I hope that she will make a rebound. Every day with our old loved ones is a gift.

  • laurief_gw
    10 years ago

    I absolutely agree with spedigrees about subQ fluids administered at home for your old girl. You don't want her to become dehydrated, because that will make her feel extremely ill. I know that the idea of sticking a needle into your girl to administer fluids can be overwhelming and may even seem cruel to you, but with a little practice, the procedure is really quite simple with minimal, if any, discomfort to the cat. More importantly, fluids can help her feel sooooo much better that you may even find that she starts seeking you out for her fluid admins. One of my kidney cats would come find me when he felt it was time for his fluids and would race me to the chair where he received them.

    I do have to offer a caution, though. With your cat's pulmonary/cardiac concerns, fluids would have to be administered judiciously to prevent overhydration. But you could probably safely admin a small fluid bolus daily - perhaps 50ml - to help her maintain hydration. This is something to discuss with your vet.

    Even if you choose not to subject your girl to any invasive procedures, fluids can make all the difference in her comfort level during this last phase of her life. Oh, and if you're thinking that giving her water by mouth would be an easier and less stressful option, think again. Not only will she be likely to get far more stressed by having water forced into her mouth, but there is also the significant risk of her aspirating water into her lungs and developing aspiration pneumonia.

    I am very sorry that you are facing this decline in Kashka. I hate this final chapter. I live with at least a half dozen geriatric cats, most of whom have some degree of renal insufficiency and/or other chronic illnesses. It can be emotionally exhausting, I know.

    Whatever decisions you make regarding Kashka will come from love.

    Laurie

  • Debbie Downer
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    Yes, the pulmonary thing is why she wasnt given sub q fluids before - however yesterday when I asked my vet about it she thought OK, might want to try it in small amounts.

    However--- her breathing is very difficult again this a,m, so Im not sure what to do... sure wish we could have thought of trying it a week ago - may be too little too late but maybe too little too late is all I can do at this point. Shes drinking some water and had some salmon-liver sausage-milk puree last night

    This is just a hunch but I wonder if the breathing & fluid around the lungs thing is more a result of anorexia/too little nutrition vs. the cause? It seemed she was doing OK, eating better ad even putting on alittle weight just a few weeks ago... and her breathing was better. Then the heat set in and she stopped eating .

    One thing's for sure - she will NOT take the syringe. - no way, no how. Ever the calico, she wants it on her terms so that's how we'll do it. She came out and sat next to me this a.m. trying to purr and I think we'll just enjoy those moments while we can.

  • laurief_gw
    10 years ago

    If she's got fluid around her lungs, I wouldn't risk giving subQ fluids even in small amounts right now. Has your vet considered a diuretic like Lasix to help remove the excess fluid from around her heart and lungs? Lasix can be hard on kidneys, but at this point, it sounds like her heart and lungs have to take precedence over her kidneys. And if lasix can keep her lungs clear of fluid buildup, perhaps you could then start giving her small amounts of subQ fluids to help with her overall hydration.

    Laurie

  • Debbie Downer
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    My vet hasnt suggested much of anything = she was thinking Kashka had only a few weeks to live - and that was back last April. It would have been good to do sub q plus dietary supplements in May/June when she had a bit of a reprieve with the breathing and had actually put on a little bit of weight.... Honeslty I'm a bit miffed that NOW people are telling me about dietary supplements (didnt really know they existed) and that maybe a little bit of sub q is OK. Add that to the list of regrets - what could have been.

    The hardest part of this all is wanting to give her every chance .to keep on living and fighting as long as she wants to...... but without invasive procedures or making her uncomfortable or into an object by doing stuff to her she does not want me to do and that at this point wouldnt really help her.

    Re: the diuretic, that sounds a bit... well, counter intuitive. Ill ask my vet (in the interest of wanting to pursue all lines of inquiry) but at this point with an emaciated, already dehydrated cat I'm not sure it would help.

    Yesterday she wanted to take a walk around the apartment so she was out on the p0rch in the sun for the afternoon. I was lying on a mattress I have in the room she's in and she came and sat next to my head again as she had every night for how many decades and I felt so grateful for that little gesture - just for a few minutes before she went back into her bed.. It's like we are both saying goodbye.

    Will be talking to a euthanasia vet later today - just to have that as an option. This may sound really weird but I dont want her to die just yet because I havent decided on a place to bury her. The place I had in mind for a new tree and her grave - I dug and found a freaking cistern there that I didn't know I had ! Havent taken the lid off but there's a hole and I can look in and see a bunch of old junk they threw down there. Life is certainly strange sometimes!

  • laurief_gw
    10 years ago

    It sounds like you're experiencing the same thing with Kashka that I experienced with my first CRF cat many years ago. Pea's vet pretty much gave up on her when she went into acute renal failure at age 18. The ARF progressed to CRF, and the vet never was at all useful in offering management strategies. Pea somehow managed to stay alive for several years before I finally tapped into the immense Internet resource and took the control of her health management that I should have taken all along. I educated myself about her disease and its management strategies, and I started going into the vet's office armed with information, able and willing to tell them what I wanted done for Pea. Unfortunately, by the time I started advocating intelligently for her care, her disease had progressed too far for me to be able to successfully manage for long. I had to help Pea move on a few months before her 23rd birthday.

    Pea's struggle with CRF taught me the critical importance of self-education and veterinary advocacy, just as Kashka's struggle is teaching you now. It is their legacy to us and to all of the felines who join our futures. My current CRF cats enjoy much better and more effective management at my much-more-competent-and-experienced hands ... and that's all thanks to Pea.

    You're doing the best for Kashka that you can, given what you know now. Keep asking questions and make decisions based on whatever you believe in your heart is in Kashka's best interest. That's the best you can do. Most importantly, when all is said and done, learn the lessons Kashka has spent a lifetime teaching you. That is, after all, why she's here.

    Laurie

  • spedigrees z4VT
    10 years ago

    I'm so sorry to read that things are going downhill for your Kashka. Your excellent care has gotten her this far and it sounds like your cat has an exceptional will to live. She has had a wonderful long life with you, but eventually we all just wear out. :-(

    What an interesting story about finding the cistern. You're right, life can throw us some unique surprises sometimes.

  • Debbie Downer
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    Thank you all for the depth of your understanding - I think people think (well some do) that with an old cat its not so difficult because they had such a long full life - actually, Im finding the opposite is true, it's so wrenching, exactly because they are so long lived and because she's been with me for so long, and through so much - always there, always sleeping by my head at night purring away.

    Laurie- to clarify - Kashka only had beginning stages of kidney disease - about 5 yrs ago - that interestingly cleared up - or at least never got worse - after I started feeding her nothing but wet food and fresh meat/fish to supplement her diet - the flooding of the litter box stopped and pee got more concentrated again.. Its this current lung thing that the vet (and I) decided that we would not use heroic measures on, and that we would just aim to keep her as comfortable as possible during her remaining time.

    But I hear you about taking charge and being your pet's advocate - and being my own as well I might add! 've been reading and applying information about inflammation and anti-inflammatory diets. Really, pretty much the same thing with people AND pets. And fish I might add - a fresh probiotic diet for my pond fish has done wonders!

  • Debbie Downer
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    Kashka is gone... After a rough weekend of episodes where her breathing was horrendous and I saw her looking as distressed and scared as Ive ever seen an animal (or human) I called the euth vet -and still ..even after what I saw this weekend .I felt such deep ambivalence about it because even today there were still also periods of her sitting up and looking at me with that cute alert calico face I know so well and just for a moment Id get this flash of - aha, I've got my cat back. Just for a moment. Its like at times I would see a cat weary, ready to die... and then a while later I'd see a cat trying to live ... wanting to live, wanting to eat drink but having a hard time of it because of the breathing thing and . Trying to purr but even that was problematic for her.

    she was pretty seriously dehyrdrated and Ive read that dehydration isnt a particularly bad way to go, but drinking was one thing she could sort of do .. so ihe choice was becoming more and more either she dies from a horrible slow strangulation due to thr lung thing - which could take hours, days, or euthanasia. Which is to say, there was no choice.... what alternatives were.there.

    Ok I keep reminding myself of the reasons...good humane reasons.... but then why do I feel so awful?

    I so miss my kitty

    This post was edited by kashka_kat on Mon, Jul 29, 13 at 22:51

  • Debbie Downer
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    delete double post

    This post was edited by kashka_kat on Mon, Jul 29, 13 at 22:48

  • laurief_gw
    10 years ago

    I am so, so sorry for your loss of Kashka. I know all too well the torment that invades your rational, humane intent and action. It's a response to the intensity with which non-human animals cling to life. No matter how "right" we know it is to end their suffering, we can't help realizing that we are contradicting their instinctive fight for every last breath. It's just one of those cruel contradictions with which we, as responsible and loving animal caretakers, are destined to struggle.

    You couldn't save Kashka, and you couldn't improve her quality of life. All you could do was improve the quality of her death. I'm so sorry that it came down to that, but I'm glad that you didn't let her linger in fear and suffering.

    Please forgive yourself.

    I wish you a peaceful grief.

    Laurie

  • mudhoney
    10 years ago

    Please don't feel awful. My vet told me that dehydration was a terrible feeling, an awful way to go. We had many discussions about "when is the right time", and he kept reminding me that I didn't want to wait too long, and let my cat suffer for no reason (other than my own stubbornness). I know exactly what you mean about having a cat for so long--you've been through so much together. Please accept my condolences.

  • homebodymom
    10 years ago

    I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl. Thoughts of comfort and healing are being sent your way.

  • cat_mom
    10 years ago

    (((HUGS)))

  • Vertise
    10 years ago

    Sorry for the loss of your special and very precious girl. It is heart wrenching to go through. I like the sentiment of not being able to improve her quality of life, only the quality of her passing. It is our last and greatest gift of love to them. People should be so lucky. She is free now, once again, and will be watching over her mama cat and family until you meet again.

  • calliope
    10 years ago

    I'm holding you and your little calico in my heart, and I'm sorry. Every pet owner hopes that when it's their pet's time to go, that they just close thier eyes and go in their sleep. It seldom happens that way, and alls you can do is the best you can do, and you did that.

  • spedigrees z4VT
    10 years ago

    I am so sorry for your loss. You did the right thing for Kashka, and the kindest thing. She was a lucky kitty to have you. Again I'm so very sorry...