He should feed her. If nothing else, he'll get a wakeup every morning! If you could find some special cat treats that she likes and have only your cousin offer them, and only while sitting, she might warm up to him faster. But just having him in control of the regular feeding, well, nothing warms up a cat like a food bribe.

If she's lapsitting with any of you after only 10 days, you got a good one!

Fori, that is a great idea! (Now, why didn't I think of that?)

Our previous cats all enjoyed cuddling on our laps (especially in the early years, pre-children), but I don't remember how long it took for them to warm up to us. When Sassy joined our family, we were all in love with her immediately, so it seemed natural that she should soon love us in return. I can wait patiently for attachment to develop in a natural way, but my cousin seems to think he's already failed.

Sue

Some cats are never lap sitters, and should they chose to indulge a human with their presence in a lap, they seem to have distinct preferences into which one they'll deposit their body. ;-) When I married my husband he inherited his first cats and was uneasy around them. The cats sensed he was a big softy underneath and they draped themselves over him at every opportunity, much to his chagrin. LOL.

I suspect a cat picks up on the enthusiasm some humans project and it's often why they run from children who want to hold them. However, if a cat wants to sit your lap........they are there with great insistence, even when you repeatedly remove them.

I'm sure it's difficult to encourage your cousin to be patient and give the kitty a little space and interact with it in other ways. It's probably an approach you'll find works best in that situation.

Thanks, Calliope. I've been trying to encourage my cousin to be patient; it's unfortunate that he's basically pessimistic and jumps to the conclusion that he's being rejected. OTOH, he's not like a little kid, and he has the kind of personality that a cat *should* like: he's quiet and gentle, and he has soft hands when he pets her.

Tonight, I had a bit of leftover tuna, so I suggested that he give Sassy a tiny bit, as a treat (I know it's not a good thing as a major part of her diet, but a little taste can't hurt). He put some tuna on his fingers, and she came and licked them clean! She was not on his lap this time, but we can keep trying.

Thanks for all the advice!

Sue

As you know, some cats are lapcats, some aren't. Also, cats often "choose their person." Our first two cats were my cats before I met my DH, yet they loved us both and gravitated to both of us equally. If one wanted mommy at a given time, then she wanted mommy and if she wanted daddy, then daddy it was--did not want to be handed off to the other "parent" (sometimes nature calls ya know!).

The two we have now, we've had together, since kittenhood. While the slightly older of the two is still more of a mommy's girl, she very often seeks out DH's attention and spends loads of time with him. Our other cat is clearly a daddy's girl, runs to him, climbs up on his "lap" when he kneels down to pet her, purring all the while. With me, not so much. Drives us both batty, but as time goes by, she comes to me more and more often for pets, attention, and to be picked up, so there is hope!

Be careful what you wish for :-) My cat fell asleep on my lap at the adoption place and has been there ever since! I love her to death but she LOVES to cuddle in my lap and will not go away until she has had enough. I try to work at home on the computer and she is there. Try to eat - she is there. I know - I am a softy and I spoil her. I will gladly take the blame for all the love I get from her.

Best of luck with your kitty - she sounds great.

Cat mom, I know that cats can choose their person; it's good to hear that they can mellow and, over time, get attached to other people, too. My goal is to influence this attachment before it's "set in stone." I would love to be Sassy's one-and-only, but there won't be much tranquility in my home if my cousin perceives that she's chosen me over him.

Oregpsnow, my cat Sabrina was like that, and it was fine in the early years, till my first child was born, and I had to push Sabrina to the side so I could nurse my baby. She looked so sad, and I always felt guilt from that. I did give her lots of affection in other ways and at other times, but it was never quite the same afterward. Oh, I'm feeling the pangs of regret again now!

Sue

When my mother in law got her first lap top, she used it so much that HER cat because HIS cat. They are (sometimes) practical animals. :)

Some cats just won't sit with some people, no matter the effort. If having a lap cat for your cousin is important for the family dynamics, I suggest going to a shelter and letting a cat pick him. Your cat would probably like a buddy, and that way the whole family can be happy with the situation.

In the past 20 years I've had 6 cats. Some were 'lappers' and some just aren't. First 2 were full sisters. Cleo never would sit on my lap--she wanted to lie beside me. Her sister would have much to do with my lap for the first 3 years and then became a velcro cat. I think the "tempt with food" is a good idea to try, but Sassy may never prefer other laps. Go with live wire's idea--but don't be surprised if the cat that picks the cousin in the shelter may change it's mind later. I will add that if you should happen on a cat that was a bottle baby, they can be REAL people cats. My Ike will take a lap any lap as long as there is petting and cuddling involved. IN fact he gets downright grumpy if he doesn't have sufficient people contact.

Live Wire Oak, I wouldn't add a second cat right now because, as Bizabet says, the cat in the shelter might pick my cousin *that day* but change its mind later, and then I'd have an even bigger problem. Maybe, if we get over this particular hump, we can consider adopting another cat later on.

Sassy does come on MY lap now, occasionally, for short periods, when she chooses to. (Her previous foster caregiver confirms that she was like this before, too.) So I don't think she has any aversion to being a "lapper." She's really very affectionate, and she does like to rub against my cousin's legs, and she flops down in front of him for petting, so she's not avoiding him ... she just hasn't sat in his lap. And lap-sitting seems to be my cousin's goal; he thinks it's the ultimate "proof" that she likes him. I grant you that this "problem" is about what's going on in his head; the cat is behaving normally.

It's still a fluid situation--she has lived with us only 2 weeks so far--and that's why I think there's a chance for her to develop a new habit of accepting my cousin's lap also. I'm just encouraging him to pet her, wherever she is, at every opportunity, so she knows he's a good person to come to when she seeks affection.

Thanks again, everyone, for your comments!

Sue