Can't take this anymore...don't know how to resolve!
arkansas girl
17 years ago
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labmomma
17 years agoarkansas girl
17 years agoRelated Discussions
The final straw - I can't take anymore!
Comments (13)Linda ~ I also am sorry to hear of the loss of your baby, on top of everything else. May this new year be filled with good things for you. Below is a little piece that helps to sooth our sore hearts when we lose our pets. We will be reunited some day. FlowerLady ****** Rainbow Bridge Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... Author unknown...See MoreI can't take anymore/what do I do?
Comments (13)It does sound horrid, and I empathize about lack of sleep (if I don't get enough, I'm worthless). My mother has Restless Leg Syndrome (they make medication for it) and she does not stomp or thud around the house at night (or day). It's just as is sounds, her legs are restless during sleep and might involuntarily kick, jerk or twitch. I was thinking about the LL's perspective, tho. If I had a tenant that was disturbing others, but said tenant told me they had a medical condition that led to frequent need for nocturnal walks, I'd probably find myself in a pickle. Even if I knew the condition, and that symptoms or remedies didn't mesh, I'd still be in a pickle. I know this is a stretch, but say LL keeps after stomping tenant. Stomping tenant could well produce a doctor's letter that says 'my patient needs to walk at night for relief'. That's just something a LL really doesn't want to push, because pushing it hard enough might find them slapped with a discrimination suit or something. But obviously you can't continue to live like this. I'd suggest something along the lines of larke's suggestion. Be sure to let LL know you understand that she might be dealing with a tenant's medical condition, and you respect that. (That will help keep LL from being put on the defensive. A defensive LL is an uncooperative LL.) Then let her know that you are developing health conditions of your own, find that you can't perform your job as expected, find yourself nodding off at inappropriate times, your heart races at night when stomping starts, etc. (Yes, the hassle part of changing units would be as camlan mentioned in 1st paragraph, 12/5 post.) Despite LLs predicament, and upstairs tenant's stomping, you are still entitled to peaceful enjoyment. Hopefully you can get it with some good old-fashioned open communication and a little psychology thrown in when talking with LL....See MoreOMG .....I can't take it anymore! Daughter is a slob!
Comments (92)Hi, I'm new here. I've been looking online for ways to cope with living with a very sloppy person. It seems nearly impossible to change a slob. I found one site about living with a sloppy partner. I have read such sad accounts, couples that marry (I guess totally unaware of how the other really keeps house), and end up divorcing. I notice that mostly, the tidy, organized person, the one who prefer to live in a sanitary and orderly house, ends up having to change, ends up having to relax their standards, ends up having to back down, and having to live in silent frustration. It seems so unfair, how slobs are able to have/take such control. They dictate how things are going to be, how things going to look, smell, etc. Slobs don't see a need to change how they are, all they have to do is drive the clean person crazy. My daughter and her child and I share a rental since she split up with her bf. Every day I wake up and cringe, dreading what the day will hold. It starts with my daughter never waking to my gd crying and screaming. I have to go in her room to wake her and I dread it because I just know I'm going to have an out of body experience. The smell of her room hits me as I open the door. This sets me off. She doesn't bother to flush her toilet. She lived in poverty with her bf for several years and developed some really bad habits, like half the time they didn't have tp, so she doesn't always bother to use it. Her floor always has junk thrown about, clothes all over, clean mixed with dirty, who know which is which, dirty silverware and drinking glasses she has repeatedly been asked not to take to her room, pop cans spilled or half full and just waiting to be spilled by her child. A big stinky mess, squalor. And there she is snoring away, none of this bothering her, not even a bit. Sigh She makes a mess in every other room, has to be reminded to clean up after herself, or she won't do it. Her cleaning up after herself barely qualifies as cleaning. She works full-time and goes to school, so she is busy, but she uses this as an excuse every time we get into it over her piggish ways. We get into some big screaming matches, and I'm always the loser. Nothing ever changes. She might go to her room and make an angry attempt at straightening out, but not really cleaning, slamming things and yelling so I hear her. I feel like I'm living with a child, not a young adult. I'm having to parent her, and should not have to. I'm near retirement age with my many joint pains, it was a struggle to keep up with my own chores when I lived alone. and now I feel like I work nonstop and get nowhere. I'm sad and angry over all of this, and when depression sets in, it really affects how I feel and what I'm able to do. None of this filth bothers her. Her brand new car, the new car smell has been replaced with the smell of rotting food. She is so gross. I sometimes lose my mind, especially when the smell from her room makes it's way downstairs. I have simply lost it and have started cleaning her room while she's at work, because I just can't take it anymore. I have found dirty diapers tossed in the cabinet under the sink, pads with dried blood thrown on the floor by the toilet, scum with hair, dried toothpaste and makeup on every inch of her sink. I can't understand how someone can live comfortably in such an unsanitary environment. Disgusting. Thanks for reading my long vent about what I'm living with. Thank you for your comments....See MoreDiffering Expectations--How to Resolve
Comments (21)Custodial or not, DH has been your SD's father for 18 years. When I said "you're new to the scene", I just meant relative to the parent-child relationship they've had for 18 years. But yes, you are right, the three of you living together is new for everyone. And yes, as such, it means that everyone, including you, has a right to have their input on deciding mutually satisfactory boundaries so everyone can be comfortable with the living arrangements. Examples of such boundaries might include chore lists, agreed-upon length of time SD lives there, working out bathroom schedules, providing a polite amount of notice to all parties when making plans, lowering volume on tv's/stereo after a certain hour (or wearing headphones), meal planning that takes everyone's tastes into account, etc. Things pertinent to sharing a living space, obviously, need to be worked out where everyone has a say and agrees to the terms, which need to be fair and respectful all around. When I said "ground rules/financial arrangements", I wasn't so much talking about things that everyone agrees on per this new living-together situation in particular but longer-standing decisions that pre-date you and that may be viewed as separate from the specific circumstance of living together. The kinds of things a parent (not a new step-parent) makes decisions on. The main example you gave of an area such as this where you seemed to want to make rules (the credit card) has little to do with the living-together scenario. Of course, it may be argued that if the girl was driving the charges up to the stratosphere it could affect the ability of you & DH to pay household expenses. But what are we talking about, a $20 bookbag here, a $30 pair of boots there? Yes it adds up, but unless she's up there in the triple digits every month it's not going to throw you all out on the street. In any event, that problem is very simply solved by SD getting her own card as described by Kathline's suggestions. YOU personally don't have to give her a penny or any assistance of any kind if you don't wish to. But whether DH does or not is up to him, as her father. I question the relevance of what you seem to think is such a deciding factor here: "they've only ever had vacations together". Especially now that the living situation is full-time. Also not sure how their past visitation schedule gives you *more* of a say in agreements between the two of them that don't really affect you. Or how you being new SP gives you more "latitude" than if you had been an SP (custodial or non-custodial) going back many years. I'm not totally sure how you've reasoned all this out, but I can assure you that DH and SD don't share your perception of their relationship as limited to "sharing vacations". Persist in minimizing it in this way and laying down laws if you wish, but don't be surprised when stress & resentment start multiplying exponentially, all around. I mean this, truly, as a *friendly* bit of advice. Some of the things I'm saying sound harsh, but seriously, this is how things can degenerate amongst otherwise well-meaning but inexperienced stepfamily members. I'm just saying pick your battles, that's all. In the long-run, you really will be glad you did. I say this not only having been an SD but also with empathy for SP's who can't fathom how things turned out so bad and have to deal with a mess of resentment that can't really be un-done after the fact... all based on, as you aptly said, "differing expectations" and being unaware of the perspective of the other parties......See Morethe_adams
17 years agoJerriEllijay
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17 years agoMomothegardenhoe zone 5, Central NY
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17 years agoMomothegardenhoe zone 5, Central NY
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17 years agoMomothegardenhoe zone 5, Central NY
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12 years ago
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