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My neighbors don't like me or my dogs?

Posted by FryFry (My Page) on
Sat, Nov 2, 13 at 11:35

Hi, I'm new here, but I really need some advice on how to handle my neighbors. My old neighbors moved to Miami 5 months ago, and his sister, her husband and kids moved into the place. Ever since they moved here they have tried to start things with my family. Especially the husband, he was trying to say I was allowing my dogs to pee and poop in their yard, which is totally false. I had my Yorkie outside, walked down the street to the common area, and as I walked back towards my house the lady across the street, came out and yelled at me. She told me to stop letting my dog pee in her yard. I told her I don't let my dog pee in your yard..then she said "yeah, well my husband said you have been!" and I said "I guess your husband has a lying problem, then" and i walked into my house. I live in a townhouse complex, so there are common areas for people to take their dogs. I had my dog outside, across the street in the common area by the mailboxes, in a mulch area. My neighbor comes out and walked right past me, and her dog lunged at my dog, growling and barking. This is the conversation:

Me: "excuse me, but please watch your dog"
Her: "It was an accident! she slipped, okay?!"
me: "that's fine, but just be more careful next time. I don't want a scuffle to start between our dogs"
I start to walk away so my dog can use the bathroom for the last time tonight. She yells at me;
Her: "Why do you let your dogs piss in my yard?!"
Me: confused because I don't let my dogs in her yard "I've never let my dogs in your yard, perhaps you have me confused with someone else"
Her: "you're letting him pee here" she was referring to the common area.
I then told her it was the common area, hence it wasn't anyone's yard. I then said to her "unless you bought it, and it is it?"
Her: "No! but you don't let him pee here! go somewhere else"
This is the same woman who made my Grandmother cry a few months ago.. I said to her "What is your problem? Ever since you and your family moved here, all you've done is tried to pick on my family for no known reason. What did we do to you? Or are you the type of person who needs to always start things in order to feel good about yourself? I think you're a very rude and ignorant person, and I don't even know you, but you come off that way..How about instead of constantly picking on my family, why don't you speak to your neighbor next door, because whenever you're gone, her dog runs around in your yard and yes uses the perhaps those pee stains in the grass are from her dog, because they're aren't from mine." The look on her face was like dumbfounded, perhaps she wasn't expecting me to go off on her and call her out on things. She didn't say anything, but stare at me with her mouth open. Right before I walked into my house I said "I don't even know how you were related to the guy who lived there before you, because your brother was a hell of a nice person compared to you" Sorry, I needed to rant about this. I hate confrontation, and it makes me feel all shaky. This lady, and her husband have been trying to start things and pick on my family ever since they moved here 4months ago, and we've never once said anything or did anything to them. I've never seen them confront other people, it just seems to be us.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: My neighbors don't like me or my dogs?

Tell them you think it is another dog, not that her dh is lying, and ask them to please take a picture of your dog peeing on their property so you can see for yourself. Otherwise, ignore them and just walk away. You can not talk to or reason with unreasonable people.

I don't think I would have said anything when the dog lunged. Obviously it was an accident and she was there so will be aware for the future. Now you know that dog and can handle the situation yourself by crossing over to the other side of the street or something.

Sounds like a nice neighborhood, lol.

This post was edited by snookums2 on Tue, Nov 5, 13 at 7:46

RE: My neighbors don't like me or my dogs?

In my area, local regulations require dog owners to collect the poop of their dog if deposited in others yards. Nothing about dogs peeing in anothers yard. Suggest you find out what the rules (if any) are in your community.

Some neighbors one just can't get along with. You seem like a person with strong opinions. Don't let things get out of control. The last few months the local TV news has been reporting on a situation where two neighbors have major problems and the police got involved. No one is served when these neighborhood disputes go bigtime. Neither neighbor, the other neighbors, or the local police or government.

RE: My neighbors don't like me or my dogs?

Small comfort to you, but I'm sure this type of situation occurs more often than you think. I too, for the last five years have had to deal with neighbors whose words and actions seem to border on the insane. One thing I have learned is that people like this absolutely feed on your angst and tension (hate). It may seem difficult to you now to conceive, but your level of discomfort at their antics actually gives them power over you. You don't have to let it go....just find a way NOT to feed the monster. You will become more objective, and they will lose their power over the situation. Good luck!

RE: My neighbors don't like me or my dogs?

You asked for advice, so I am going to tell you that your responses to your neighbor have been aggressive and provocative. Your reactions to the neighbor have added to the conflict. Your goal should instead be to give neutral or calming responses.

Snookums2 gave you examples of these. Nan-E-Fan gave you away of thinking of the situation that protects you from thinking that by changing your responses to this family you are "wimping out" or acting like you are weak.

By keeping calm and responding to exactly what is said, you keep control of the situation. The woman says, "my husband says he saw you letting your dog pee on our lawn." You say, "I don't let my dog pee on the individual lawns, he only goes on the common area." If the neighbor does not know where the common area is, this gives them the opportunity to ask, "where is this common area?" If the neighbor, instead, insists that you do let your dog pee on her lawn, you ask her to take a picture of it. If she says that she has no camera, remind them of their cell phones or tell her to get a cheep disposable. Or offer to pay half for a disposable. This shows that you are concerned for their issue (you don't really have to be concerned, but acting like you are keeps the peace).

By remaining calm, you keep the power in the relationship. If they start getting accusatory toward you, or start complaining to the townhouse management, you can calmly say, "I told them that I only use the common area and asked them to photograph the dog using their lawn as a toilet. I even offered to share the cost of a disposable camera. They never did anything to prove it was my dog, they just continue to harass me every time they see me outside." Or if you can remain calm when they harass you, then YOU can go to management and complain about their treatment of you.

It takes practice to remain calm and to learn to respond only to the words people are saying to you. What you have been doing is responding to the emotion behind what the neighbor is saying and making assumptions about what she is staying. Your assumption has been, "This family has something against me and my family." By having this assumption in the background, based on your first few interactions with this family, you have been working from an assumption that you are at war because this other family has decided you are. Nothing could go right after this assumption was made. That is why I suggest that you concentrate only on the words that are said. It keeps you focused on your goal of remaining calm and responding to the situation and the concerns that the person is bringing up.

It is too late for you to make this relationship start out right, but you can work on calming it down. That will give you practice for future relationships with other people. I had to do this when I found myself getting all upset talking with insurance companies and the like on the phone. After one set of phone calls when I got mad and frustrated and yelled at the person on the other end of the phone, my eyesight went all wonky. It was like looking through a kaleidoscope that was turning. I thought I was going blind! Through the little bits of clearness, I waited through my dial-up internet and slow page loads and figured out that I was having an ocular migraine. I did not need to go to the ER, but I should see an ophthalmologist soon. So I called my eye doc and they got me in the next day. What is one cause of an ocular migraine? Stress. What else does stress do? Cause high blood pressure and other heart disease, contribute toward diabetes and other diseases. Gotta lower stress!

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