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Early terrible two's
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Posted by Nichole (nicholed@alink.com) on Wed, Dec 19, 01 at 21:21
| Hey all. My 20 month old is going through her "terrible two's" already! Her favorite word is "NO!" (said with attitude, I might add). She has started waving her hand in the air like she is going to hit you when she is not happy. She insists on standing on the couch, coffee table, computer chair, etc. She refuses to eat...just about anything (but especially fruit and veggies) and if she is tricked into taking a bite of something she doesn't like...she spits it out! Of course she still gives hugs and kisses and is sweet most of the time, but how do I deal with the rest of the time!? Thanks moms. |
Follow-Up Postings:
RE: Early terrible two's
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| I don't have much advice but just wanted to say I can relate! My 22 month old has been in the terrible twos since around 15 months! LOL She is very headstrong and very naughty! She's much more of a handful than my sons were. Hoping that since she started with terrible twos early that she will outgrow it early. One can hope! LOL |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| You just have to get some sort of a routine, discipline wise and stick to it really. Some days they really try you and the next couple, they're complete angels! We would warn our son and then if he kept it up he got time out or went to his room. We do the room thing a lot when he's really mean about not being allowed to do whatever~like he'd start bawling and yelling. We would take him to his room and tell him when he calmed down he could come back out and he would be fine in a minute or so. It's not all terrible~I swear! This is also a time of learning and fun! Those really bad days end up later being some VERY funny stories. Good luck! We're on the downhill slide now. Shane will be 3 in April but I know it won't stop there. There's always something, right? :-) ~Leslie~ |
RE: Early terrible two's
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Just wait,terrible two's are bad, terrible three's are worse. Ds is 3 and a half and it is finally getting better. DD is 15 months and worse (WAY WORSE) than ds so I am scared plus I am due with the third in May.
What was I thinking (: lol Tenjay |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| Ditto to tenjay. I think terrible twos is a misnomer because DD hit it when she turned 3. (kind of like morning sickness never actually hits in the morning for many people) |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| I think terrible 2's is a misnomer. I have found with my kids that they tend to go through 6-9 months of relatively compliant behavior and then 6-9 months of difficult behavior starting aroun 18 months and ending ????? My oldest is almost 8 and is continuing this pattern. I think it is fairly typical for toddlers under 2 to have some very difficult moments. I hope things get better. Mommabear |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| I think I remember someone saying about the trying 3's the something 5's . . . it's like every other year or so. I guess though you have to realize all people have their times, too, so it's natural for kids to be that way. They're just using that time to test you and learn their boundaries and new things. It's a big learning experience! ~Leslie~ |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| My son is also going through it -- same behavior you described -- at 18mo. The only things I've done so far is to hold him/talk quietly while he's all-out screaming, and to be consistent no matter how much he screams. Now if only DH would get on board ... |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| Let her know in a very stern voice that she is not to tell you no and give her a time out. Whatever you do be consistent. |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| An excellent book I read on the subject was called, "How to Raise a Happy and Unspoiled Child" I read it in one night, it was so interesting. The author was not a doctor or peditrician, just a researcher who's job took him to visit families with young children. The book was about what he found that made some kids a joy to be around and what made other kids untolerable to be around. He is pretty black & white in his opinion, that spoiled kids can not be happy. Bold, yes, but he makes a point. He believes that kids go thru stages and even charts out these stages. There is the infant stage, when the child is absolutely dependent on their caregivers. This is a period when the child CAN NOT be spoiled. Then there is a period (I'm trying to remeber...somewhere after 4 mths, maybe not until 7 mths) just before the baby starts to crawl and entertain themselves, when the baby CAN BE spoiled. When they get bored and so cry for attention, then the parent comes a running, this can set up a cycle of spoiling the child. He writes, a way to avoid this cycle is to anticipate that the child will be bored or want attention and meet this need BEFORE the baby starts to cry. Ha, hard to do, but he gives several ideas in doing this. He also addresses the terrible twos (often 18 mths - 2 1/2) and other *testing* stages. Children need to test the walls to feel secure and this is a very important stage. If the parents are firm during these times, the child will be able to stop the testing. Most likely, they will then be happy and content. If the parents are wishy-washy, push-overs, too lenient at this stage, the child will not be secure and will continue to test (searching for stability) and will most likely be unhappy. He does a great job of encouraging parents to be firm, consistent and tough during these trying stages as the rewards for their parenting will be great. Parents wonder what happened to their child overnight during this stage but it's helpful to know that it's a important hurdle in their child's development and won't last forever. Another stage he addresses happens around 18 mths when a child needs to make an emotional attatchment to his main caregiver, in most instances, the mom. They child becomes very, very clingy. If the mom (or main caregiver) proves again and again that she is there for the child, the child will have that security and will be able to stop the testing. Of course, I don't base my child raising skills on ONE book but this book explained so much of what was happening in my extended family at a very trying time. I found it at my local library. It's been a year or so since I've read it so I may be off on the title and sorry, I don't remember the author's name. But I highly recommend it to parents as they hit that *terrible* stage! |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| Just wait until you reach the "why" stage early :o) Just remember that "Because I said so", "That's just the way it is", and other such explanations aren't good enough answers :o). My eldest son (now 4) went through the "terrible two's" before he could realisticly jump around, so he wan't bad physically. His method was just verbal abuse and attitude. I can hardly wait for our youngest (just over 2) to start all of this. He has had "attitude" from day 1, so this period of time is just going to be such a treat :o). Brian |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| I'm a grandmother helping to raise my daughter's first child. She lives with us too! Another little piece of advice is to try to look past this behaviour, but don't ignore it, increase the time you spend with your kids and discipline with a firm but loving way and always be very consistant. Love and tenderness go a very long way in helping you both through this very trying time. Just wait till they're teenagers!!! Enjoy every minute now. |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| I read an interesting book called "positive discipline" that I also got from our local library. The author gave lots of great stratgeies and lots of scenarios that I could REALLY relate to. Mostly, she (he?) suggests offering a warning explaing what will happen if the disobedience continues. "The coffee table isn't for standing on. we stand on the floor. You need to get down or I will help you." and then, of course, you follow through. when (if?) they kick and scream, you calmly say "maybe next time you can get down by yourself. If you need to cool off, maybe you should go in your room." then take them to their room if they don't behave. I think it's important to explain WHY something's not okay. little kids want to climb and explore and it's not entirely clear why the coffee table is different from the bed or the toys at the park. Once you explain it once, you just keep removing them. "I told you, we don't stand on the coffee table.Please get down." and then you help her down. If that doesn't keep her off your furniture, maybe you just need to go outside or change scenery. I have a friend who puts her son in his room and shuts his door when her son throws serious screaming fits. she just tells him, "when you can calm down, you can come out." then she stands outside the door, and waits to let him out until he's done throwing the fit. without the audience, it usually only lasts a moment or two. Basically, I too totally understand what you're going through. Just be as consistant as you can, and you'll get through it. Really. :) |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| I have to say, our son, now 19 months is going through the terrible 2's now, well has been for about 2 months. His worst is when he gets mad, most likley because we can not understand what he wants / he can not tell us what he wants. He will fall on the floor or run to the wall, not into it, and just scream and yell and hit the floor or wall. We were told by his ped, to let him do this, it is his way to get your attention. Granted we watch him out of the corner of our eye to ensure he is not getting hute. There has been times where my son and I make eye contact when he is doing this and he gets louder and louder, otherwise, I give him a minute or 2 and then go over and talk to him. Most of the time it works well and he calm down. It appears to be working, he does not do this as much now then he did at 17 months. Just my $.02 |
RE: Early terrible two's
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| My DD is only 10 1/2 months, but my SIL has a 15 1/2 month old. I am glad that this subject was brought up because I see from the experience of the other moms that it's not uncommom for a 15 month old to be in the 'terrible twos'.My SIL thinks that her DD is way advanced for her age (compared to mine ) because she's acting like a two year old. My SIL likes to brag about how smart her DD is, but I see that she's just an early starter. |
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