Thanks for your comments, folks - it helps alot. The kids' mom said she was spanked as a kid, and she said it didn't kill her, says now she appreciates that she was spanked - says it made her a better person. She was raised by her grandmother. My son, the kids' father, lives in Las Vegas - he and the boys' mother never married. He is an absentee "father", a 'call the cops' type of guy - that's what he called, and told me to do, after he received my voice mail about this incident. I think my son is an idoit (he has a gambling addiction AND works as a poker dealer!)- he's NOT a dad, IMHO - he's an ASS. He thinks that paying child support each month is all he needs to do. You all are right - there is more to this story than even I know. I don't think their mother hits them. I don't fear for the boys' safety - it's just that they should not be receiving 'love pats' from anyone, imho. I don't know how much the boyfriend drinks - I've only been in his presence about four times, but he was drinking all of those times. He came to my house to pick up the kids, was in the car's passenger seat, with an open bottle, and he doesn't currently have a driver's license due to dui. Both their responses, when asked about it, is 'it will be alright'. I personally know nothing about this man, and it appears I don't know the boys' mother, either. I researched the child protection laws for my state - grandparents have no rights. I think the only thing I can do is just keep them if and when they (the children) want to stay, and let a babysitter care for them during the after-school hours. The mother's grandmother lives upstairs from them and I feel she has the kids' best interest at heart - I will pray that she keeps an eye on the kids' well-being. I am now realizing that I should not have moved from my home in Missouri, to here - this is just heart-sickening. I appreciate all the opinions on 'love patting' my grandsons, which is what I was looking for. I realize my hands are tied, and I can do nothing. I will have to leave it in God's hands. Please pray for the situation and the kids' well-being. Thanks again, everyone.

"I assume from the above statements that you would agree that children who suffer sexual assault would be better off if their parents were able to find out about the assault and get the children therapy and medical care, and of course if the parents were supportive and non-blaming. As you pointed out, there is no way to be 100% safe. What advice would you give a teenage girl (or boy, for that matter) who was sexually assaulted? What would you advise a parent to say to their child about what to do if they ever were assaulted?" You are asking Imamommy who admitted to being assaulted which conceived her son as to what she would suggest to parents of assault victims. When she has said that she told no one at the time. What are you hoping to gain by this? "I am a bit curious as to why the morning after pill wasn't available to you. I thought it had been available in some form to treat rape victims since the mid 70's." "That surprises me. Even back in the old days of the late 60's, details of contraception were common knowledge among my peers." "When a famous birth control advocate came to speak at our school and displayed various birth control devices, the only people that were shocked were the administrators. Didn't you have sex education in school?" So when pressing her buttons on birth control (let's not forget that she was assaulted here) didn't work, let's move onto she didn't have anyone in her life to confide in, why don't we? "That is simply not true. People are a lot more likely to confide in someone if they have a close relationship with them and are confident that they will be believed and supported." "but I still am surprised that there was NO adult in Ima's life that she felt comfortable confiding in, even a few months later." "I just think it is sad that she was apparently not close enough to him, or to any other adult, to confide in them." "No, actually I feel sorry for her 17 year old self - not only because of the rape, but also because she was apparently not close enough to either parent or to any adult to ask for help." You are not just soooo sad that she had no one in her life to confide to. You are trying to prove a sick little point. Your passive agressive game isn't flying here. Whatever beef you have with Ima isn't that bad to stoop to the level you have. Claim innosence all you want, anyone with 2 brain cells knows what you were doing in this thread.

I wouldn't say when coming home since my SC do not have extended visits with their mom. But I think it is stress related with my 8 yr SD though ... if her and mom had a "tough day" she has accidents she goes off into a daydream of sorts ... she sleepwalks and urinates in the hallway... she even vomits while she is sleeping (she stresses herself out over what I call minor but to her major incidents so much she makes herself sick). And their mom used to put all her problems on their shoulders. They couldn't carry the load and would just crumble. She made fun of a kid at school and told the other girls to make fun of him too. Came home and cried and vomited damn near had a breakdown over making fun of the boy. For two days straight nothing eased her mind or body. She would urinate on herself ... then go to take a shower and vomit on herself in the shower. This does not happen often but atleast every couple of months she is "stressed out" about something. If it goes away in a couple days after return probably just the stress of being back and forth not a major big deal. Next time they visit BM put the rubber sheets on the bed before they get back. :-)

"Age of consent" is arbitrary and I don't think a lot of people even know the true definition of "statutory rape" . 'Rape' is such an inflammatory word that brings out a knee jerk reaction in people. All statutory rape means is that it breaks a law that is on the books in some states/countries but is legal in others, ie; it goes against a statute. For instance what is legal in Iowa (14) is illegal in North Dakota (18). As joann23456 pointed out there is a difference between a pedophile, who is one who is attracted to physically sexually immature children, and someone who is attracted to young adults, and that would include just about everybody. What man would not find a 17y/o woman attractive?? Just because a man finds a young woman attractive does not mean is is perverted and will molest or rape or commit incest with his grandchildren. It is a non sequitur. If you find grandpa's tales and his liberal attitudes, distasteful just tell him. As a previous poster pointed out it just seems boring and immature. BTW the Age of Consent in the Philippines is 12. The age of consent for a travelling US citizen is 12. The armed forces has different rules, and the Age of Consent where they will prosecute is 16 but of course all homosexuality is illegal in the armed forces and any homosexual contract engaged in by a member in the military can result in a court martial and being sent to prison just as honosexuality can result in prison in some countries as can engaging in ANY premarital sex no matter what the age. It is all arbitrary just like drug and alcohol laws with minimum ages, and laws requiring women to cover their heads in public at a certain age. http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm Here is a link that might be useful: Age of Consent by State and Counrty