PS I know I shouldn't compare him to other children, but he seems to more advanced than some of these kids in most other ways, so I thought if they can sit at the table and eat now, than maybe he should too, and thats its my fault he still makes such a mess. - That I am holding him back.

Our high chair broke, and we couldn't see getting another one at this point, so we got DS (18mo) a booster seat. With a tray. I also like that it keeps his mess fairly contained, and, frankly, I like being able to strap him down for meals so that he's safe and I at least have a fighting chance at a warm bite or two.

I think the highchair with its tray actually allows ds to be messier than other setups where he is directly against a table. DS still likes to throw food over the edge in his highchair. I've noticed when he is sitting up against a table, he's neater and will actually put the foods and drinks back on the table after he is finished with them. Sometimes DS can't help, but spill stuff on himself. That's going to happen regardless of where he is sitting.

I know people that still had their kids in highchairs without trays at 3 and 4 years. I don't think that held them back any.

I found that using kitchen towels both on his chair and as a placemat (regular placemats are too small) helps contain his drips, smears, gobs and dribbles. I also make sure he only has one container at a time (to keep him transferring his food from the bowl to the cup to the bowl to the cup to the bowl--all of which eventually finds its way to the floor! He can work on those skills in the bathtub, lol, not the table!) I also give him small portions at a time and refill as he eats it up.

You're not holding your son back by keeping him in the high chair. As long as he goes into it willingly, I would keep him in it. Having him color in the chair while you make dinner is WONDERFUL! He gets mom-time and you don't have to worry about him grabbing a hot pan or reaching into a hot stove.

An added bonus of a toddler in a high chair is that they can't get up and down (and up and down and up and down) during a meal. Keeping them at the table helps establish meal time as a time to SIT and EAT and converse with the family, not snack/play time. (Just something that's important to our family, not necessarily an issue with others...)

Also, I wouldn't worry if your son is messy. Apart from not giving him too much food at a time, there's nothing you can do to keep him from being messy. Some kids are neat and proper and some love to dig in and explore. If he's eating, hey! that's what's important! I believe in table manners, don't get me wrong, but a toddler needs a lot of slack. We'll work on table manners before his first date, we've got lots of time : )

I would say to wait a few more months until your son has better control and then maybe try the high chair without the tray. I suggest you get a placemat to keep under his plate~it helps with clean up a bit. No matter what~the high chair will end up with food on it and so will the kid. It gets better, though, over time. Then when you think your son is ready you can move him to a booster seat and go from there. I just wouldn't rush things if you think he's not ready. As long as he's not too big for the chair, he's fine.

~Leslie~