Let me preface my comments by stating that I have 3 children, ages 8, 5, 2 (and one on the way). So I am not new to this, but it's all still fresh enough in my memory that I remember it realistically. That's just so you know where I am coming from. And I ask your patience now for what I expect will be a long answer. The answer to your question is yes and no. If you think of discipline in terms of teaching and guiding, yes, you can begin to discipline a 9 mos old in terms of protecting them from danger. If they pull hair, you can distract them and say "no." You can say "no" and remove them from a situation like pulling an electic cord. But they aren't likely to learn any lesson from it. I know people say their babies understand "no" but I do not buy that. A baby might respond temporarily to the tone of the voice, but at that age, I don't believe, from my experience, they understand "no" in any disciplinary terms. In other words, you could substitute any word used in exactly the same tone and context and get the same reaction from the baby. At that age it is about protecting them. Even if you do get a response to no in a physically harmful situation, you still aren't going to get one over manners, i.e. crying and screaming in temper. If you think of discipline in terms of more concrete action=consequence the answer is no. If you think of discipline in terms of knowing what behavior is expected, the answer is no. That is the beginning of self-discipline and that is a couple years off. There are a million reasons why this baby would behave that way. First off, she is a baby. She has no understanding of socially acceptable behavior and won't for a long time. She could be coming down with something, maybe she's teething, or tired. Maybe her nap/sleep schedule is in a period of change making her more tired and cranky that usual. It is also common for babies that age to begin to feel frustration over their lack of mobility or autonomy. She knows what she wants to do, but she is not yet physically capable of doing it. That makes her frustrated and the only means she has to express it is to cry and scream. Some babies express that frustration more intensely than others, kind of like adults. Sometimes there just isn't anything you can do about it short of making life go their way all the time (and we all know how well that would go). We will all have days like that, some of us will have weeks like that. And it has nothing to do with our parenting skills. It's real life. What you do about it has more to do with you than with the baby. If a parent responds to a baby's cries of frustration with a raised, loud voice and frustration of their own, the baby's will only intensify. As a parent, you just have to stay calm. Rule out any cause you can resolve, fix it if you can, and ride it out if you can't. If baby cries because he doesn't really want to be in his car seat right now he'd much rather crawl on the floor, there just isn't anything you can do about it. You gotta do what you gotta do. You can't reason with him. You cannot impose a consequence for the crying. You really only can carry on with what you gotta do, try to offer a distraction, but if that doesn't work, ride it out. They are not old enough for the type of discipline that makes them understand you can't always have your way. They are still of the mentality "I am the center of the universe and as my mother it is your job to make me happy." The scream says "Why aren't you doing your job!" So when that age hits, try to see life through your baby's eyes, try to understand what their cry says to you, it helps keep your expectations within reason. If you can see the baby's view of life, it helps you determine if the fit is over a need or a want, thus the best way to resolve it. And remember that when you have days like that, you are not alone, we all have them, it doesn't make you a bad mother. Not to scare you, but the temper of a 9 mos old doesn't begin to compare to the temper of a 2 yr old. And most professionals do in fact say that the best way to deal with that is to ignore it. On the up side, you will have far more good days than bad. And when it is your child, you move into those temper cries gradually and 1)get used to them and learn to block them out and 2)have time to work into dealing with it slowly and not BAM there it is. When you find yourself having to deal with it, you watch your baby's needs. If you know your baby gets cranky being out of routine, try to avoid that. If you know strange places make him cranky, invite people to your house instead. You can try to make some compromised in your daily life to avoid things that will aggrevate the crankies. But life happens, you can't avoid it all the time and probably really shouldn't. I feel from the way you posted you are seeking information for your own use, not judging your friend. But I still want to say don't judge her parenting by this bad day, or even a rough few weeks. Instead, and I'm sure you're already doing this, be supportive and understanding of this normal phase. I hope from all that rambling you got something helpful. :o)

ive known as a mum that there was something wrong with my little boy since he was about 7 month and so as my health visitor shes been a rock for me and ive fought and fought to get where i am now my son is now 17 month not talking not walking not eating lumpy food it as to be purified or he will gag choke be sick its been a night mare he was 4 week prem so hes been under pediatric since birth hes had broncliolitus about 10 times hes been fed threw tube they gave him asma pumps but said he didnt have asma and ive always been pushed away like i dont know what im on about and now hes older my health visitor as been with me all way threw and managed to send us to a doctor and shes refers us straight away for a full examination to a pediatric orthopedic from Sheffield that comes to barnsley ever 2 week i think so i really am hoping this doctor helps us i will fight to the end to find out whats going on with my son and i would hate them to tell me something ive already mentioned if theres anything i could have helped him with and they didnt notice as there the professionals it wont make me feel a very good mum anyone out there with some thing similar would probably put my mind at ease sorry for going on thanku

I thought I'd write an update since a lot has happened since I posted just the other day. Studying Ellie's test results and everything online about it, the finger pointed directly at FIP. I'm guessing the "dry" variety since the doctor didn't see any fluid accumulation in Ellie. About the time I came to this sad conclusion, Anne-Marie read this post and emailed me directly, reminding me of the helpful Yahoo communities, of which they had an FIP group. Once there, I read an update by a woman named Karin whose kitty, Gracie, was diagnosed with dry FIP 26 months ago. She was enrolled in a Univ. of Tenn. study for a new drug, and today the kitty is free of FIP! Anyway, from her I got the contact information for the study director and the drug mfg. Finally, I called my vet who admitted he thought it was FIP. Since he knows it to be a death sentence, he hadn't wanted to leave me with no hope, so he just said FIP could be one of the reasons for her test results. I was initially upset that he could've told me this a month ago, but if he had, I'd have probably accepted his prognosis (since I've read enough about FIP in the past on this board) and not gone searching on my own, which led me to the drug, a polyprenyl immunostimulant (PI). Anyway, I've contacted the study leader and am trying to obtain the drug for my kitty. This evening, my vet contacted him also to see what was needed (by the way of further testing) to get her considered. It's a long-shot, I know--but it's the only one we have. My vet hadn't even heard of the study, much less the drug's potential. Heck, he obviously didn't even know much about FIP (which I guess is good--not many kitties around here having it hopefully). Here's something about it: "Recently, a new drug tested in three cats with the dry form of FIP demonstrated efficacy in prolonging life and alleviating signs.38 The drug, a polyprenyl immunostimulant, is an investigatory veterinary biologic that upregulates mRNA expression of T helper lymphocytes responsible for effective cell-mediated immunity. In this study, two cats with FIP were still alive two years after diagnosis, while one cat survived 14 months. Further studies are under way to assess this drug's potential for FIP treatment.38" So, there IS hope for some kitties.....and my prayers are that there is hope for Ellie, too. Tracey

lafevem, I agree. That's why it angers me SO much that they joined a "support" group for step-families. They both use this forum as an excuse to take out their anger on any stepmother who posts questions (looking for support) because they mistakenly view her as the "other woman" in their lives. It's not only unsupportive, it's insulting. And I wish I could say that I respect their perspective, but I don't. I think they are both lonely, angry, bitter, first wives who are taking it out on us because we're just some women on the computer with no face or real name. There's no repercussions for insulting us like there might be if they took it out on the ones actually causing their anger. Don't insult me because you can't blow up your ex and his girlfriend, y'know what I mean? Take a kick-boxing class and imagine she's the bag. Take her picture to the local range and shoot at her for all I care, but stop treating me like I stole your husband and hate my SK. I also think they use the ole "I'm learning your perspective thing" as a cover to be here. If my son was gay and I was having a hard time "understanding" it and wanted to learn where he was coming from, I wouldn't go to a forum and tell all gays that they are wrong for being that way, that it simply isn't "natural", or that God is frowning on them. (Which I really don't feel - I'm just making an example because that's usually the opposing arguments!) I also wouldn't assume that all gay men are hairdressers who wear designer labels and talk with a lisp just because some of them do. I do not appreciate being grouped into some category of ignorant, horrible mothers simply because Cinderella had an evil stepmother. It's just wrong. We are all people with different situations who are hear seeking support and we all deserve that opportunity to be listened to instead of picked apart. Some of us are better parents than others, some of us are better people than others but it doesn't mean that everyone in here is guilty until proven innocent. "to stepping -- no I wouldnt like or defend anyone hurting a child" Kkny: I will take this as your way of saying that I am not like the "other" stepmothers you assume we all are and that deep down, you see and appreciate that I am more maternal than the BM in my SS(s) lives and understand that those boys now have a chance to have the mother they deserve and that they have a better life now because I'm in it. After all, I don't physically and emotionally abuse them (and I won't list everything I DO do for them!) So, thank you for acknowledging this (even if I had to say it for you.)