You are not an idiot and any feeling you have, you are entitled to have. However, if the feelings are destructive and there is no solution, then you shouldn't hang on to them any longer than you have to. I know it's hard but try to remember that you can't change your mother's husband or what happened. You can only change how you deal with it and by letting it eat you up, you are giving him a level of power over your emotions and life that he doesn't deserve. Focus instead on your mother's life and your interaction with her. I'm sure she knew you loved her and was proud of you. Although it's not easy to face, it's not uncommon for spouses of very ill people to develop other relationships, especially if the illness lasted for years. I'm not making excuses for him and his actions since your mother's death are tacky. But you can hope that while she was alive he treated her well and made sure she was cared for properly. You say he was a louse and she didn't see it but you also said you are just now finding out some of the details of his affair. Maybe he wasn't a louse to your mother. Her things don't matter and his actions don't matter. All that matters are your memories of your mother. Remember what she taught you and how she made you feel. Know that she would want you to be happy and to have a great relationship with your husband. She would want you to feel peace. You'll always miss her, but I don't think any mother would want her daughter to feel such turmoil 2 years after her passing. You are a good daughter for caring so much. If you can't let it go, then try to figure out how you think it should be resolved. What could he give you of your mothers that would make you feel more closure? What could he say or do? If you can figure it out, then it's worth a try to tell him and explain your issues. If there's nothing he could do to change it then you have to figure out what you need to do to move on.

Hi lawjedi, wow ... that is early for a bearing failure. Mine is just going now (10 year old Frigidaire) so I too am in the market for new machines. Although, after 10 years I don't feel they owe me much. Did you use proper HE detergent and all the "proper" FL maintenance (leave door open after use etc ...)? Is this your machine on attached link? If so, it's 4.0 cu. ft. Here's what I believe ... there is a 5% (they say) failure rate for any brand. I've just gone through this process so I'd say write down the features you really want to have and narrow it down from there. Decide if there are any brands you won't consider (I assume Whirlpool) and rule them out. I have looked at EVERYTHING there is over the last few months. I have brought it down to Miele or LG. I just helped my Mom buy new entry level LGs (her budget was smaller) and I have to say ... I really like them. I think they feel much nicer than Whirlpool and Bosch. They seem to have tons of good reviews on line and Consumer Reports rates them highly and they are the least repair prone (according to CR). There are a few LGs larger than 4.0. The WM3885 is Ultra Large 4.8 cu.ft. capacity and has two settings a Mom (like us) would appreciate - Sanitary (158 F) and Allergiene (which eliminates common allergens using steam). This is their largest unit right now. http://www.lg.com/us/appliances/washers/LG-steam-washer-WM3885HWCA.jsp Slightly smaller and more affordable would be the WM3360 at 4.5 cu.ft. capacity. It also has the above two settings. http://www.lg.com/us/appliances/washers/LG-steam-washer-WM3360HWCA.jsp Even slightly smaller (but larger than your Duet) is the WM2501 at 4.2 cu. ft. capacity. I'm considering this one with matching gas dryer. Also has above mentioned settings. http://www.lg.com/us/appliances/washers/LG-steam-washer-WM2501HWA.jsp I would love the 4.5 cu. ft. but it doesn't have a gas dryer so 4.2 it is (if I go with LG). Good luck - let us know what you end up deciding. Here is a link that might be useful: Whirlpool 4.0 cu. ft. white front-load Duet washer

How does your husband feel about taking in just the kids? My BIL and SIL are bipolar. We've seen so much with them! As long as your daughter is NOT taking her meds, she'll never have a "normal" enough life. She'll never get her life back on track. My first priority would be my grandchildren cuz they're too young to help themselves and have no choice but to live this life of hell. Maybe talk to your husband about taking in just the kids for awhile until your daughter gets her life together and starts by helping herself first. It must be really hard for her to do so with 2 kids. That's if she WANTS to help herself! My brother and his wife have full custody of their two grandchildren (3 and 6), been almost 2 years. Their son is a drug dealer (the father) and the mother is a bipolar drug addict. They are not together as a couple and never have been. The youngest child was born a crack baby. The son doesn't do drugs, just sells it. My SIL fought tooth and nail to get both the mother to sign over parental rights. The family has been through hell and is still going through it because no matter what the mother does to screw up her kids' lives, the law is on her side. The father, however, can only have supervised visits cuz of the way he treated the mother. He slapped her once to "snap her out of a fit" while she was high. He has "straightened" her out several times but she keeps going back to drugs. Fast forward to today.... the father is a good father to the kids (actually the oldest is not his bio child but he loves him like his own) and does everything for them. They are spoiled rotten! The mother calls the oldest and tells him lies about his grandmother (my SIL) and tries to get him to spy on them for "ammunition against them". My SIL then tries to explain to him why his mother is acting like this but that she still loves him. The poor kid is so screwed up emotionally that he wants to talk to a judge cuz he says he doesn't know who to believe anymore and knows a judge wouldn't lie. He's had counsellors before too but the mother is just damaging him so bad. So much so that just yesterday, in fact, my SIL went to court to get a court order for the mother to have "no contact" with her kids. She didn't win cuz she didn't have enough evidence. She has appealed. I told my SIL that she should have the oldest talk to this judge so she could see for herself. With Children's Aid, the courts, etc.... it seems that they protect the mother more than they protect the kids. Which is a real shame! It seems that Children's Aid, the court, etc., seem to "forget" that the youngest was born a crack baby! The mother has more drug charges then the father, including other charges, and still the law is more on her side! The only reason why my SIL and brother got full custody of the kids was because my SIL found out that the mother was using someone else's urine for her mandatory drug tests. Just before they were to enter the court room, my SIL's lawyer requested a drug test (hair) right away. Test proves positive and her lawyer told her she'd lose the case so make it easier and sign away her rights. And she did. All the best to you! Check out these sites. It might be helpful. http://www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com/ http://www.usa.gov/Topics/Grandparents.shtml

I presume there's a reason why this child is in fulltime daycare? You and your husband both work? Any chance one of you could change their schedule so the need for putting your child in daycare would be reduced? I'm all for children socializing with others, but truly, NO ONE teaches or cares for a child like a parent does. You're seeing that now. Children of that age do need a lot of time with their parents. As to naptime--your child must need the sleep or he wouldn't be napping so long. You say bedtime is a challenge. As a parent, and a family living teacher, I have to ask--do you know what the most common reason for difficult bedtimes is? It's that the child is OVERtired. what a lot of young parents don't understand is how a child's body works. When we get tired, we wind down and get sleepy. When toddlers get tired, their bodies release loads and loads of extra adrenalin--hence you have a hyper child who is too wired to go to sleep. There has even been a very reputable study that shows that many (not all, mind you, but about half) the cases of ADHD in children are NOT legitimate ADHD, but simply lack of adequate sleep. Does your child get a full 12 hours of sleep daily (adding up the naptime and bedtime?) Even if he is, it's possible he's one of those who truly does need a little more sleep than 'average'. However, what you're describing about the daycare is totally unacceptable. You're describing a facility where the workers don't care about the child or parents, where they're there just putting in time to collect a paycheck, where they're happy doing as little as possible (a sleeping child is one they don't have to: care for, amuse, watch, etc). The problems you've noticed all come down to the same thing--the daycare workers DO NOT WANT to do their job. I wouldn't allow someone with that attitude to dogsit my pet, let alone care for the most precious thing in my life. It may be time to look into other alternatives--as I suggested, perhaps a schedule change at work. Or maybe there's a family member you trust who would be glad to watch your child for the same $$$ you're paying the daycare. Or you may have to go further afield and find a different daycare center (even if you have to drive some to get there) or a retired person in your neighborhood who is more responsible than the place you're currently using. Good luck! You mentioned your husband--if you are both working, I urge you to sit down and crunch the numbers. Unless you're a really high-end executive, or in some other high paying job, you may find, when you do the math, that you're going to work for just a few cents an hour. Add up: the cost of daycare, the higher taxes you pay, the cost of transportation, the cost of going to work (clothes, union dues, buying lunches out, work parties, gifts for coworkers, etc), the cost of being out of the house hours a day (buying more takeout/prepared foods, hiring others to do stuff around the house like yard work, painting, repairs, etc). When I got pregnant, we did the calculations--and we figured that I'd be going to work for $2000/year or less. Add to that, the fact that you're turning the care and raising of your child over to strangers--it wasn't worth it to us. It made sense financially for me to stay home. It made even more sense to use for me to be the one caring for our daughter, teaching her academically, being the one to educate her in morals and ethics--no one does all that like a fulltime mom. There's a reason why this country is having a lot of the problems it is (crime, irresponsibility, unwed parents, abusive relationships), and IMO, a big part of that is that children are NOT being raised by their parents, the way they have been in the past. Good luck