Hi Vesters. So many things you wrote struck a chord with me as we experienced the same issues with my SD, who is now 14. We've had custody of her since she was 5, after gaining emergency and then full custody though a very nasty battle. After DH and his ex divorced SM moved SD hours away. SD began sleeping in her bed, showering with her, being completely dependent on her mom. BM thrived on this - it made her feel needed and important. SD couldn't (or wouldn't) do or try anything on her own. SD became BM's 'bff' and confidant - all at the mature age of 3. This continued until BM found a boyfriend, and then SD was kicked into her own bed in her own room on a different floor and told to go to sleep. Once that relationship ended SD was needed again and back in BM's bed, all the while hearing about BM's relationship woes. Fast forward a few years. We have custody, SD sees her mom EOW. She's still trying to have SD sleep with her (between boyfriends) and be dependent on her. The 'bff' behavior is worsening and we're hearing all about BM's love life from SD. SD is getting stomach aches right before visitations and worrying about how to take care of her mom. All so appropriate for a mother/daughter relationship. And then there was. . . "BM also used to say things to SD (right after I came on the scene) like, "I'd never let a man come between us" and "You're the only one I need" which sounds innocent enough, but it was very much meant as a "look at your father, moving on with his life, I'll never let that happen to us." I could have written that. BM is always saying this. . . in between the men in her life. But what SD figured out about 2 years ago is that her mom is full of sh@t. She started to see all these behaviors factored around her mom and what her mom needed on her mom's schedule. She was blinded by the 'my mom needs me' and 'my mom loves me best' until then, but with the help of her counselor and a little maturity she started to figure it out. I won't say she doesn't fall back into buying her mom's crud every now and again, but for the main part she can she the behavior for who it is really about - mom, not SD. I tell you all this so you know you are not alone, and also to give you hope. Your SD needs help, and she needs her dad to help her receive it, but she can recover from this. I will tell you one thing SD's counselor shared with us that was helpful for SD and for our tongues as we weren't biting them so hard. When you say "I'm always a little uncomfortable when she talks so openly about her BM with me (because I know the "real deal"), yet I'm always very careful to make sure I speak loving and positively about her ." you need to stop. This doesn't mean speak negatively, but you don't have to put a good spin on bad actions. Don't try to make mom's bad action ok. Don't make excuses for her. Listen to SD, let her know you understand why she would be upset, help her with generalized, non leading questions discover why she's upset, but don't then tell her it's all ok and mommy knows best. Later, when she figures out mommy doesn't, you will be seen as a liar. It's ok to say sometimes mommy's get confused, or mommy's make mistakes. This is likely better pronounced by DH at first, but you need to know that you don't have to be positive. Just don't be negative, if you get what I mean. :-) Good luck. Keep us updated, and keep your chin up. You are doing the right thing.

"Any ideas what the court would legally do?" It depends on the state, I believe. A friend of mine recently went through a divorce. He has two children with his now ex. After the second one was born he learned his wife had been cheating on him on and off for a long time (he found out she was cheating when he got a VD). It is possible the youngest child is not his. In fact, the youngest doesn't look like him, but does resemble the other guy (so I've been told by someone else). But it's not a clear cut thing since the other guy and the BM are the same ethnicity, so it's possible the child actually resembles the mother. Anyway...he was told by 2 lawyers to "speak now or forever hold your peace". If he wanted to contest paternity he had to do it before the award of child support (being done as part of the divorce). He consulted a doctor about the test but never followed through. He decided the child is "his" either way, and he just didn't want to know. He pays almost $3k in child support per month, so there was a lot at stake. I think the little girl's situation is complicated. What if the situation was that she was conceived using a sperm donor, so her "dad" was not her biological father? I think most people believe children conceived using alternative methods (sperm donation, egg donation, even adoption) have a right to know. Doesn't this girl have a right to know who her bio father is? What if she found out some other way, wouldn't that be devastating? For example, my mother was blood type O and dad is type A. Let's say I took high school science and then went to donate blood and learned I had blood type B...I'd know know one of my parents (most likely the father, let's face it) was not in fact my bio parent. I was actually at a party where people were talking about blood types and someone figured out something hinky was going on in their family. Everyone shut up real quick.

Mindimoo - LOVE it all, the pie and esp. the marble. To you, mnhockey and rmkitchen, I am weeks away from starting the big project with marble picked out (ok, just for the island but still excited) and now my contractor has disappeared. Scrambling to find someone else and keep to original timeframe as our cabinets have been ordered! Anyway, for some reason I am not panicking yet and am dreaming of the many various ways in which my NEW kitchen will function better, hoping the months of painstaking planning will pay off. Probably won't be posting a summery treat but maybe some good fall soups or gratins, or a thanksgiving turkey - god willing it will be done by then! Sorry to veer off topic but love seeing the kitchens in action!

Most has been covered above. Being from NY, just a short drive upstate from the city, and half of my family from Manhattan, perhaps I'm biased but it really is, as rhizo said - and that's what we have always called it - The City. I'm not the most traveled, but I've seen a few things, and when I went to Chicago, and please don't take this as a diss on Chicago - it really is a lovely town - I was like... this is a city? Even Europe, with it's wonderful places, is of course, different. NYC can be overwhelming. So indeed plan ahead. It could be fun if you were a single person or a couple to go with the flow, but with a group... yep, plan well. Personally, I wouldn't stay in the city itself. It would probably be cheaper to stay in Jersey and take the train in each morning. But it's a personal decision based on the time you have, your finances, and what you hope to accomplish while you're there. Compare your options, but touristy stuff (like a decent hotel) is very expensive in the city. If you find a good rate in the city, snatch it up, but be sure to check reviews. Also, as too was mentioned above, if you do get a hotel in the city, check if they have a parking garage. You'll appreciate it immensely. As far as food... again as was said above... DO NOT EAT AT CHAINS! First, the price will be way above what you are accustomed. Second, some of the best food IN THE WORLD is found very reasonably priced in the walk-in restaurants on the streets. For example, there used to be this incredible falafel place right off Washington Sq. Park. We found it by accident. You walk down 4 steps below street level to enter and prepare to be amazed. Back then, while a common city price was closer to $4, the falafels, and the hummus pitas, were $2. Similarly, and here's the type of story you always remember when you travel... One time, 2 friends and I went down to see a show. I think it was B.B. King. We were hungry, saw an Indian restaurant, went in and had the best curry you could ever want. My friend was looking at the menu and saw the little 1,2,3... or 4! chili pepper icons next to the selections. My friend, in broken-English banter with the waiter - probably the son of the owner, as most of the best, affordable restaurants are small, family-owned ones - said that a lot of places claim their food is spicy, but it was never as spicy as he wished. Well, broken-English or not, that waiter understood him perfectly! The appetizer dips that came out, and my friend's entree were FIRE! Lol. Poor guy was literally sweating drops from his forehead. My other friend and I laughed the entire time and half-way home. To this day I'm sure he'd wince if reminded. He ate every delicious bite though. Oh, and try some street food. A hot pretzel is a must, and in winter the chestnuts can't be missed. On your way home on an early night, go to Ferrara's or somewhere similar and bring some pastries back to the hotel. Go to Katz's for lunch, and stop almost anywhere for a slice or two of pizza (doesn't have to be Ray's, Famous Ray's, Original Ray's, Famous Original Ray's, The Original Famous Ray's, The Only Ray's... you'll understand lol.) Take in some Chinese take out (or sure, sit down and relax) while you're near Chinatown. The more disgusting-looking Peking ducks hanging in the window, the better it might be lol (just kidding, ask someone on the street for a good place.) For breakfast, take a short train ride to Brooklyn for a bagel with a schmear (and/or lox if you like.) I guess what I'm saying is, New York has exciting places to visit, including parks, museums, and exhibits, but some of the best art is found in the heart of the melting pot where each culture present's their finest works...