Personally, I think he has you trained very well to respond to him when he is angry. He is old enough for time outs. 2 minutes max..and he has to stay in the naughty spot. Doesn't have to sit quietly, but has to sit there. Naughty spot is safe.

Holding his breath...let him. He found the longer he holds it, you'll come running. He'll take a breath soon enough. Yes he'll turn purple a few times, may even faint (and then he'll automatically breathe). BUT, IGNORE THE BEHAVIOR. What fun is a tantrum if you don't have an audience? It's not.

He won't hurt himself more than once usually. My youngest threw a good hissy fit...slammed her head onto the floor, it made a good KLUNK. Next time she slammed her head...to within an inch of the floor, then gently placed her head on the floor. She still had the tantrum, but learned that it hurt to KLUNK your head on the floor so she just placed it on the floor.

Some kids are GOOD at tantrums. Leave the room, it's the best way to ignore them. He will quit when he realizes he has no audience.

As far as hurting the animals, kids that age don't always understand what they're doing is hurting, he just knows that pulling the cats tail makes her meow...cause and effect. So he needs a cause and effect. Pull cats tail, she meows, he goes in naughty corner. Don't like naught corner, don't pull cats tail.

Yes he's doing the "terrible two" stuff. Just because it's called Terrible Two's doesn't mean they only exhibit it at two, it starts earlier for some, later for others.

Thanks for the advice.

He however does not care if he hurts himself. It just makes his fit bigger and stronger, and he will still do it the next time. Which is the problem, as I said I generally try to walk away and ignore it but his saftey IS at risk because he pays no mind to whats in front of him when he throws his fit. Coffee table, fireplace ledge, banister railings, sliding doors, etc, etc, etc. You get the point. If he's in the middle of the floor with nothing unsafe infront of him, by all means wail away, and Ill leave the room.

If he were my own child, I would probably be more willing to allow him to throw his fit and possibly injure himself a little more than he has, and turn purple and faint, but I'm pretty sure no one pays their childcare worker to let their kids get that upset when they're in their care, family or not.

Walking away out of the room has not done anything but increase the strength and length of his fits slowly over time, for the last 3 months. When he gets really bad I place him in his playpen where I know he can safely throw his fit for how ever long he needs to, but his mother prefers if I don't use that method often, so I can't make it a regular thing.

I however do not talk to him, look at him or direct any attention towards him when I stay in the room. Unless I notice he's getting too upset or hurting himself.

Like I said, it works to pick him up and place him in my lap and hold him still. He freaks out since he dislikes being held unless he's tired, or hurt, then he eventually calms down and I let him back down to play and he'll be good again for a while.

Also, I know terrible twos isn't reserved soley for two year olds, I was just meaning that in my personal experience with 10+ kids his age, this type of tantrum combined with his generally violent nature (the hitting, kicking and pinching/biting when he's angered in the slightest) hasn't been seen in most kids until they're 2 or older. I've seen the tantrums, and the hitting, but not this extreme and not so put together. Thats all I meant.

Thanks again though, for your input.

There's something else going on here.....seek professional help. Tantrums are not unusual...but he sounds like his are over the top.
If what you are telling us is true, you need to get someone else to listen and then have him evaluated. That is not normal bratty behavior.
Linda C

Linda, I am starting to wonder if that is the case.

He also has other little weird behaviours, like dispising having his hands touched. Lining things up, getting frustrated if someone puts the toys in the bucket in the wrong order. Doesn't like to be held very often. He's very smart for his age as well. He tells me when he's hungry, needs to be changed, tired, etc etc. He's very good at communicating his needs.

I'm almost starting to wonder if he is maybe starting to show some signs of autism,(the touch thing, lining things up, needing order) however, I don't know if the tantrums would have anything to do with that??

How do you tell a first time mother that you think her child may need to be evaluated, though??

I may wait until his next doctors appointment, she generally tries to book them so I can go with her, considering I spend more awake time with him than she does she likes me to know what the doctor has to say, and be able to express any concerns I have with him, so maybe I will bring it up then, so the doctor can either reassure us that he's fine, or be the one to say something may be up with her baby.

Absolutely!...Get him help...even if it is just a behavior problem, you will be relieved to know you checked it out.
I have an autistic grand son...his mother suspected something was wrong very early on but the Dr's Phoo-phooed that...until finally she really insisted and got into University pediatric clinics and he was diagnosed. By shortly after his 3rd birthday he was in special ed classed for a normal length school day....he improved dramatically.
You MUST consult with his moteher....she is your cousin. This won't get better without help of some sort. I have a friend who kept following blind alleys with her autistic son because she couldn't face what really was wrong, finally when he was about 16 it just became too dangerous for him to be in the house....she couldn't physically handle him and put him into an institution. He does much much better with everything predictable and regimented.
Tantrums often go with autism...because of the frustration....And there maybe an additional problem as well.
Tell his mother that you suspect there is something more than just bratty behavior and she really needs to see about getting him help..."getting him help" is the operative phrase....because he can't help the way he's acting.
Linda C