A couple of things come to mind here. The first is that I usually prefer to keep my DD's friend's parents at a healthy arms length. The reason is mostly because if the girls' relationship gets strained, it feels awkward for me to be buddies with Mom. A few years back, I met a woman through my DD's school....her daughter was in the same school. She and I became fairly close, but my DD really did not like the daughter. We socialized a bit on the weekends and DD went grudgingly for a while and then later started to refuse. When DD's birthday rolled around, I felt like I needed to invite my friend's daughter...DD said she'd "ruin" the party for her. We do still socialize every now and then with other school families, but only if we feel they're really interesting people. It is also easier now that DD is in high-school. Middle school girls have relationships that are complicated enough without the added layer of complexity that whole-family friendships bring. I also can fall into the trap of feeling judged when people are less than friendly. I have to remind myself that maybe they're just introverted. As others have suggested, maybe the parents feel a bit guilty and don't know who to deal with that, so they just give you the brush-off to minimize their own discomfort. They may also just not have any extra juice left for social interactions after what sounds like incredibly demanding workdays. They may be unhappy people or just going through a rough patch. It's hard to be nice to others when you are suffering. My guess is that its a mixture of some or all of these things. Finally, though you are going above and beyond in your generousity towards this girl, I do not think you need to reevaluate the situation or figure out a way to back off. Being the home that everyone flocks to is a great blessing. You are a blessing for those "fledgling" kids and a blessing to your own kids. It is a huge compliment that your DD wants to be home with you. And you are lucky she's not off elsewhere...so many kids just can't escape their homes/parents fast enough. Before you know it they'll all be off to college and you'll miss them terribly. We were the-house-everyone-comes-to in middle school and I just loved knowing my daughters friends. Now, she is a day-student at a boarding school and their social life is largely confined to campus. We hardly ever see her friends and the house is quiet on weekends. I miss the old days!

Great advice, sweeby! Thanks so much for the idea. Unfortunately, like you I basically avoided the truth and did not record milestones etc. I can't accurately remember a lot of the details of her very early years. At least I kept all of the "official" documentation as well as samples of her work from age 3 on. However, it was frustrating to be asked over and over whether Alex echoed me, or used my hands to gesture, or whether there was ever a regression in skills, and on and on, with no clear memory about it. Did she reverse pronouns? Did she babble? When did she first use 2-word sentences? I had to tell them in many cases that I just didn't know. I could usually tell them when she had done something unusual and that if I hadn't noticed anything different, I thought it was probably pretty normal. Having 5 kids, I have a pretty good idea of what things were not typical. paige, how awful!! It's so sad that people can buckle under job pressure and trash their integrity. I don't see how anyone could do it. I do know, though, that it has happened to us twice in a less direct way. The playgroup teacher was simply unavailable for any documentation or official input, which I considered a breach of her contract but was obviously coming from "above." And the caseworker, who seems like such a lovely, warm person who cares about Alex when you're with her one-on-one, will turn on us in an IEP without batting an eye. DH told me to be very careful with what I say to her (I tend to trust people and will give way too much info). The district has made no secret of the fact that they want Alex off their sped rolls. Thank you for reminding me to be careful!!! A couple of days ago, I had a chance to speak briefly with Alex's new teacher (2nd grade). Alex was standing right there so I couldn't say too much. The teacher expressed amazement that Alex is on an IEP and said the usual we hear from teachers about how well she does, how smart she is, what a joy to have in class, etc. Then she went on to laugh about how much glue Alex used on her continents project that day. She marked Alex's project in red ink with words about not using so much glue and she called her "Miss Glue Girl" in front of other parents and kids after school. Alex burst into tears in the car and told me that she had had to do the project twice and still couldn't keep from getting glue all over. She said all the kids were watching. That's the kind of information I assumed would have been given to the teacher--Alex has *always* had a lot of difficulty with motor skills! Where are the reports and the people who are supposed to be working on Alex's behalf? I had requested a meeting with the teacher so that I could go over some of this stuff, but we hadn't had a chance to meet yet. Alex is left-handed, clumsy and awkward with any kind of project/art work/writing assignment, but there are easy accomodations for most of it (extra time, understanding that she *has* difficulty, left-handed scissors and perhaps a GLUE STICK????). The teacher also laughed about how serious Alex is. She told how she and another teacher were joking with her about her dress. They told her it was so pretty that they wanted it. When she just looked at them, one of them said, "What, you won't share your dress?" and Alex just looked at them and didn't laugh but frowned instead. Well, she doesn't understand that that is a joke. That remark would puzzle her because she wouldn't be sure how to take it. Again, that is something that has been noted in her records all along. This is the danger in teachers reporting that there are no problems and everything is fine!!!! Today she had a VERY hard time going to school because it's Fine Arts day. She absolutely dreads art day. In her arts class (or at least this was true last year), everyone does the same picture and they work on skills such as perspective, graphic sense, symmetry, etc. Alex is not able to do any of those things the "right" way, so her Woman or Dragon or Building looks very different from most of the other kids'. It does no good to tell her that art is what comes from the heart, because for a little girl attuned to following the rules and doing the best job, that is a moot point. Personally, I love her paintings because they are her and have a sort of Picasso-esque quality :) Luckily, we've not gotten to the age yet when these things are graded, but she knows the eyes on her person are not the same nor is the nose in quite the right spot etc so she is very unhappy with her work. Anyway, she has a little chime ball I gave her last year that hangs on a ribbon. I have had it for years. It's a little silver ball and if you shake it, will make a soft chiming noise. It's in a little basket thing so you can wear it as a pendant. I told her last year to imagine there was a little fairy inside and when she felt upset, to shake the ball and the fairy would sing to her. It worked pretty well and she told me that the fairy would sometimes tell her the right answers on her work. Today she put it on for Fine Arts. This year I gave her a small silver heart in a silk pouch for her to carry in her backpack. She gets it out when she is stressed and holds it in her hand to remind her how much Mama loves her and a piece of me is there with her to make her feel better. She made sure she had that today, too. We've not had as much trouble with meltdowns but she is very anxious and angry before and after school. She will sometimes go under her bed for a while and she likes the cupboard under the stairs. She goes in there with a little light and reads for a long time. I told her she's like Harry Potter, though I didn't mention that Harry didn't go in his cupboard out of choice.

Linnea56 -- Sometimes, especially this time of year, department stores will have a single piece at a "try me" price, so you can find a high-end piece for a reasonable price. It's rare that a skillet is a "try me" piece, but I have seen them. Keep your eyes on the sales fliers. Marshall's and Tuesday Morning store often have single pieces, too. I still regret not snagging that All-Clad skillet at Marshall's when I saw it. I'm going to have to replace my skillet soon. It's a Magnalite I bought in the 80s and supposed to have a 99-year guarentee, but the anodizing is wearing through to the core metals and Magnalite had been bought by that company I detest which will only replace it with the shoddy garbage they churn out under the Magnalite label these days. (Can you tell I don't like World Kitchens much?) I'll be haunting Marshall's and Tuesday Morning myself trying to find a NOT non-stick skillet.

I think you might want to reread some peoples posts here. It isn't that you don't have some legitimate beefs, but that does not mean trying to cut off visitation is a good option. It may be easier for you, but that doesn't mean that it is best for your daughter. Being poor or unemployed isn't a crime. About 6% of all the people in the country are unemployed, but that doesn't mean they get their kids taken away from them. Lots of people need to move in with friends or family at one point or another to make ends meet. For some reason I get the impression that your ex has never been the most responsible or dependable guy in the world, but that didn't stop you from having a kid with him - and it shouldn't stop him from seeing her. Your legitimate beefs need to be addressed though. Medication is pretty much a no brainer. You need to know where your daughter will be staying when he has custody. You need to be able to contact her in an emergency - and his mothers phone is perfectly acceptable to the court even if it isn't convenient for you. If those basics are met and she isn't in danger, you just have to accept that the man you had a kid with is a bit of bum, but he is still her father. As far as bored goes - give me a break. All kids say they are bored if you let them. The standing summer rule at my house was that if you said you were bored, you got a list of chores to do! Frankly, no telivision, no phone, no internet sounds like a great way for a child to spend the summer. Up untill incredibly recently, that was the ONLY way to spend a summer. Kids helped out around the house, they took care of siblings and they entertained themselves. I completely agree that she should be reading. Libraries are free - but if she can't get to one, you can always pack a dozen books with her when she goes to his house. Other than that though, I think you need to quit looking down your nose at "rednecks/hillbillies" so your daughter doesn't pick up that horrible habbit.