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Need Help... Please share your advice/experience!!!

Posted by mcook (My Page) on
Tue, Aug 12, 08 at 2:37


I am a first time mother of a 5 months old baby. My husband & I are already thinking ahead of when to have our 2nd child (since I'm 34 already). We are just "thinking-out-loud" of maybe start trying when my baby boy turns 6 months old, so by the time the 2nd baby arrives, he'll be 1.5 yrs old. We would love to hear your advice/experience on:

1. What would be the Pros & Cons of the above scenario?
2. Given my age circumstances, what's your advice/suggestion of the ideal age gap between the 1st & 2nd kids?

Your precious advice/experience will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!


Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Need Help... Please share your advice/experience!!!

You know, I gotta tell you the truth, God works in mysterious ways and often no matter what you want or how you plan, things hardly ever work out as expected.

I don't think I know anyone that was really able to plan their family and spacing of kids exactly and such. Either people are unable to get pregnant, they have miscarriages, get pregnant unexpectedly, or health problems hit, etc.

Don't plan too much. It sounds like you want another child soon. Try whenever you think the time is right, but don't expect things to turn out exactly as you have planned. There are pros and cons to everything. Bottom line is, you'll work with it, and it will be your family, no matter what way it turns out. The more specifically you plan, the more you'll be frustated when things don't turn out exactly as planned.

RE: Need Help... Please share your advice/experience!!!

I wondered the same thing, and years ago in reading Dr. Salk's book (his brother developed the polio vaccine and he was a pediatrician) he suggested 3 years in spacing. I was able to plan my kids 3 years apart perfectly. In fact, my 3rd baby was born the day after his brother's 3rd birthday. But.....he was our surprise baby and I was 38.

My daughter has a 20 month old son and is talking of having the next one sometime late next year when she will be 35, assuming mother nature cooperates.

Having said that, there are pros and cons to every plan. The generation of moms immediately before me did not have the pill or IUDs and had little say in any planning, yet they made it work no matter when the baby came.

I do read that you should not have the baby any sooner than one year after your first baby's birth to allow the mother's body to replenish itself and thus protect not only her health but the new baby's (to prevent birth defects).

I found 3 years worked as a 3 year old is so much more independent and able to share mom then. But we all make it work no matter how the spacing turns out. And mom is always exhausted with a baby no matter if it is the first or 3rd, though for some reason that first childbirth recuperation always seemed the slowest and most exhausting.

Glad to see you are watching the clock. That is important for couples who delay for whatever reason the birth of their children.

RE: Need Help... Please share your advice/experience!!!

I got pregnant with #2 when #1 was 8 mos old, so when younger baby was born, I had a 17 mo old. (Accidental!) I don't recommend it, if at all possible, but maybe not for the reasons you would assume.

It's lots of physical work to care for two little ones to be sure, but the main reason I wish I had spaced them better was emotional...for ME! I think the children thrived and were nice pals together, but I "missed" them both even though I was with them day and night.

They were both needy and little so I missed having quiet alone times with my eldest and also missed long baby cuddles with my youngest. I was sad to have #1 wean so early too. They were so close in age that they lived on the same loose schedule for meals, baths, dressing, bed, etc. Leaving them both with my husband or sitters for brief breaks was tricky since it takes a real skill set to do two babies well!

My 3rd child was born 5 years after #2 and it was dreamy...lots of time for us to be together, just us, without the crowd. I sound like a nutty lovesick teenager! Hope you get my meaning.

In short, I feel that when a child is 3, they have a few little friends, preschool, fun things to do with Daddy etc so a new baby is less an intruder. Easier on the sibs, and the parents, to have kids spaced a bit.

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