Very pretty, looks like you and your Mom have something going there! Do you happen to know what the orange plant poking through the fence is? And that orangy red rose on the fence (last photo) is just gorgeous. I would like to know about that rose, too. The lilies too are scrumptious!

Lisa - thanks for the play-by-play. Your little Hussy sounds like such a character! Congrats on the five new blues!

Hello all... thanks for all the kind words. I am still trying to struggle through the day. Somedays I am ok, but others not that great. It was her birthday on October 20th. She would have been 64 or "39" as she would have said. We went to the park and fed the ducks... she always liked to do that. I also brought daisys and popped the tops off and placed them in the water. I miss the way that I would call her and she would be willing to go with me on what ever adventure I wanted to go on that day. She was always there for me. I know I am lucky to have a person like that and that it was my Mom, but it hurts no less. I am trying to build a new "normal". It is rough though because everything I do reminds me of her. I started to move around furniture in our house and I was thinking that everything I touched we bought together. She was a great decorator and I have no decorating sense at all. I just wonder when the feeling that I am completly lost and alone will go away. The holidays are coming and I hate it. I think we are going to plan a vacation at Christmas so I don't have to think about it. I don't know about Thanksgiving. Mom used to make the best mashed potatoes. This is so freaking hard. I think I am going to check into counseling again. It is so hard because I put on a strong face when I am out, but crumble when I get to my car or at home. I talk to my husband, but I don't think he really understands. What do you all do for the holidays?? Any ideas on how to get through them?

I absolutely think it was good advice. You are being very fair to EVERYONE. You are correct - if your SS has obligations to do at his mom's house, going to visit dad shouldn't be the reason why he doesn't get his chores done, assuming he had ample time and that the chores weren't thrown at him at the last second. Also, teaching children respect for EVERYONE, esp. one's parents just is the right thing to do. I got annoyed w/ my husband's ex as she viewed any civility towards me by the children as disloyalty to her. What a horrible position in which to put your children! I mean, you can't just say, "Show respect for your elders, except her - I don't like her, and him - he bothers me, and this one and that one...." Maybe I got a little different take on things in your first post - that BM was crying, feeling displaced, etc. Perhaps now, though she gave you the green light (I assume or you'd have backed off in your lunch meeting early on), she is feeling like she has a vendetta against you and your husband, and is using the kids w/ her negativism in an attempt to turn them against you and their dad. However, it appears to be backfiring as the children sound sick of listening to her harp on one thing or another. Maybe that's why she's so upset these days??? Maybe she played her hand, thought she'd win the kids' affection by at least turning them against you/DH and now knows it didn't work and she's left being viewed as angry and bitter by everyone? Does she want pity? My DH's ex also whined about the engagement ring he bought me to the children. It was so sad that a happy time in their father's life was seen as a catastrophe by them. (BTW, they split because she was having an affair w/ the DD's tennis coach - he later dumped her after DH and I started dating.) Your DH's ex had no business involving the children in the adults' affairs - such as the ring, the hockey, etc. To take your DH's postponement of the hockey situation by one week, for goodness sake, and act like he had the choice to buy the ring or help w/ hockey is just sick. Why would anyone, even if it was true, want her child to feel like a piece of jewelry was more important than him, his sport, or whatever? It's just twisted. Hang in there - you sound level headed and very fair. I'm curious as to that meeting you had w/ the ex at lunch. Did the conversation during lunch go downhill fast or was it the weeks and months that followed that took a downward spiral w/ respect to this woman? I'm wondering how she acted and all at the lunch - like did it end of friendly terms or did she become hostile, etc? My DH's ex proposed we meet way back when to talk, but she was so crazy at the time (is better now) that I wouldn't agree to it. Keep posting! Dana