Maybe this is overly simplistic, but if he seems to enjoy the attention he gets when he misbehaves, perhaps he is misbehaving to get more attention. It's a classic, common problem for young children, and while you sound very pleased (and indeed, fortunate) to have an experienced and capable foster mom for your son, she may not be giving him quite the same level of attention he would get from you. Honestly, that would be a lot to expect... The programs you are asking about seem to be "fix him" type programs. "Just play the tape while he's asleep and it'll all get better." or "Have him watch the video about how to be good." Yeah - right. I'd expect that only a very 'hands-on' program with a high degree of parental involvement would be really effective pretty quickly. On the bright side though, getting him back seems like a good and natural time to start implementing an effective program. 1-2-3 Magic is a great program. There's a video you can watch about implementing it that is 100% worth your time to see. Don't let anyone convince you that a 'quickie verbal 'how-to' is all you need. There are pieces of the system, such as being sure you have his attention, maintaining eye contact, tone of voice, making it 100% clear that you expect compliance and waiting until you get it -- SO many things that the video illustrates and explains that a 'here's how it works' talk will miss. So get your hands on that video. 'Natural Consequences' is a discipline philosophy that may or may not have it's own 'program video', but it's very effective with strong-willed children. The whole idea is that misbehavior causes bad things to happen, and that the bad things are a direct result of the bad behavior. Touch a hot stove - you burn your finger. So for the car-seat incident, a good natural consequence would be that the trip (if it's a fun one) immediately gets cancelled. "We can't go if you can't stay buckled in your car seat - sorry." Or if it's not a fun trip, stop now, but go again later, cancelling another fun activity because you have to run that errand. Or sit by the side of the road until he buckles up (however long it takes), then sadly have to miss a fun activity because of the time wasted sitting at the side of the road. You get the idea -- The bad behavior causes an unpleasant consequence. The flip side of this strategy is positioning a positive for right after an unpleasant chore. "We'll have our snack right after we pick up these toys." Another strategy that might work is called 'social stories' -- It's used mainly for autistic children to teach them appropriate social interractions and what to expect in situations that might cause anxiety, but basically, they're stories that explain in explicit and concrete terms how certain situations work and what the 'good' or 'appropriate' behavior for that situation is. For example, a trip to the dentist might include getting into the car seat and staying buckled, waiting patiently in the waiting room and playing quietly until it's our turn, sitting calmly in the chair and opening his mouth when the dentist asks and not biting the dentist! It would explain that the dentist uses a lot of funny-looking tools that sometimes make loud or strange sounds, and that the sounds, while strange, won't hurt, and that these tools are used to keep his teeth healthy and strong. Again - the basic idea is to explain about the situation, in advance, in enough detail to remove the anxiety-provoking 'unknown' and give the child a model of behavior to follow. It's amazing how effective these stories can be. And last but certainly not least -- One of my favorites is to catch him being good and offer explicit praise. "That was really nice when you shared your truck with Johnny!" or "You did a great job brushing your teeth tonight - thank you!" Praise and success are the best kinds of attention there is -- Best of luck to you --

Robo, it sounds like you had fun! I missed this post so I'm glad you gave an update. Mayflowers, thank you so much for the colored salt jar idea. That can be one of the crafts I do with my grandsons next time we do a sleepover. My DGSs spent the night last night. I got out my markers, colored pencils, oil pastels, graphite pencils and an assortment of papers. While they were working on their drawings I was playing music. My oldest DGS asked if it was Beethoven. As soon as they were finished with their project they had out their iPads and were listening to Whip NaeNae. I videoed the oldest DGS doing the dance and we sent it and pictures of their artwork to Mom. Bedtime is still a problem with the boys, they are only fifteen months apart and they pick on each other unmercifully at bedtime. I'm going to order a cot bunk bed for them as the second queen size inflatable mattress bit the dust.

Amazon has a couple, among some things that shouldn't have turned up in that search, but having "cooked" with a four year old, I don't really think a cookbook is right unless she's just dying to cook. You might consider making her a cookbook of real family recipes for her favorite dishes (inc. sweets), and include pictures of the food, if you have them, or of her eating other things, etc. Also look at Fancy Nancy Teaparties, which came up on that Amazon search. If she's the kind of girl to love Fancy Nancy and dressup, she might enjoy the book about putting on doll teas more at her age than actual recipes. There's a "cake" recipe for instance, which says to put frosting in between cookies to make a doll sized layer cake, which I think is a cute idea. Another thing that kids that age often love to eat is melon balls. Maybe you could make recipes for things like that, which aren't really recipes but are accessible at a four year old's state of development.

This is NOT a situation where a typical insurance adjustor/appraiser is of much use - this is beyond their area of expertise. You do need a landscape professional - either a consulting arborist or a certified horticulturist. Or even better, a member of the Council of Tree and Landscape Appraisers (CTLA). With the exception of larger, established trees (and a few other exceptions), the value is that of replacement cost of the closest sized same species shrub (and the associated costs of removal and replanting). Other than trees, there is little value added to plantings based on age or degree of maturity, unfortunately, and one is seldom able to replace shrubs on a size-by-size direct replacement.......nurseries just do not sell 40 y.o. boxwoods or lilacs!! But there are recognized formulas available for calculating the value of mature, established trees that factor in species, size, condition and location. You need to hire someone properly versed in this sort of evaluation - it is quite a specific skill set and not one that your homeowner's insurance adjuster is likely to have under his/her belt.