Happy Father's Day, FOAS and all the other fathers. I'm missing my own father a little today... As for potty training, Amanda trained herself at 16 months, dry at night and not an accident. She was prissy and didn't like to be wet and would bring me a dry diaper so I could change her immediately. Ashley? She could care less, and when she was nearly 3 my mother asked her when she was going to use the potty. Her response? "Never, never, never, never, never." She finally did, because the babysitting bribed her with M&Ms. Annie

Or you can go old-school--anyone remember the Wonder Twins? Shape of an animal? Form of water/ice, etc? Wonder Twin Powers--activate!

Your daughter is only five years old. I don't believe that she is able to the choice that she doesn't care about you. She doesn't know you!!. If you want to develop a relationship with her you need to stay and make that happen. You are responsible for whatever happens between you and your daughter. She is not old enough to understand. You can not rush this, it will take time for her to trust you and to get to know you. I have 3 step-children, they live with me and my husband full time. They do see their bio mom on alternating weekends and when it is convienenent for her to be a mom. This has caused them to have many differnt issues. The relationship that we have with our parents forms all future relationships. You just can't walk away from her ,expecting one day that it will all work out. It won't. You have to put your feelings aside, as painful as they maybe for you, and focus on your daughter's. Maybe you can spend time with her and her mother for short periods of time. It sounds like she needs to develop a level of comfort with you. That will only come through time and patience with her. She needs a strong relationship with you and it needs to be on solid ground. This will effect how she relates to men her entire life!

"What really helped with us was that I started doing things with SS, without DH." This is such a good and valid point, and something that helped me tremendously in my own relationship with my SS(9). He was not quite 2 when DH and I started dating---my DD is the same age. (They are six weeks apart!) The kids were not quite 5 when we moved in together, and then 6 when we got married. They are both now 9 yrs old. Anyway, I struggled in the earlier days, even right around the time we got married, with feeling close to and good about my relationship with SS. We did have a lot of externals, with his BM actively working to ensure he didn't like me. SS was very torn and that made it hard for him to warm up to me, and it made me feel very hesitant/hands off. But I wholeheartedly agree with Mattie---spending time alone with SS made a big difference in our bond. It was like he began to see me as a parent figure who cares about and for him; when DH was around, it was almost as though I didn't exist. I think the best turning point was 2 years ago when I took SS on vacation WITHOUT DH. I took both kids--DD and SS---on vacation with my extended family. Spending a week with SS where I was the ONLY parent really bonded us in a way I can't explain. It's still not perfect or ideal; we are not super close, and I think he still, at times, is hesitant about me just b/c of the animosity BM has directed at me. But it's better, soooo much better than ever before. And I have no reason to think that things will not continue to improve the older and more independent SS becomes. I understand your situation is a bit different in that you're not custodial, and you spend big chunks of time alone with your SD may not be an option. But Mattie makes a great point! And you have the "girl" factor on your side, too. You and SD could go shopping or go get mani/pedis. Go see a chick flick. Those kinds of things. Bond with her over being females, relate to her on that level. That gives you an "excuse" to do some things WITHOUT DH. Maybe make it a point to do sometihng just you and SD once a month---even if it's just a quick run to Target, or to the grocery store.