Lorraine, it sounds like she did just the right thing. When you get a cutting that grows very fast--and many of those cuttings they sell in Hawaii are fast growers--it's always a good idea to put a stake in the pot. It doesn't need to be tight against the plant but close enough to help prevent that limber wood from bending severely. I would say that after three years the trunk at the base should be pretty woody, and she should notice the trunk beginning to get harder along the length each year. You can see the gradation here between maturing wood to very green new growth: The center is still green enough to bend on that cutting, which was rooted last spring and has tripled in height. The stretch marks are quite normal. On the left is a nice example of mature, dry wood on a several-year-old seedling: Let us know how her flowers turn out!

Interesting digressions here, from the original topic. First, big stomachs go with the territory of pregnancy, and whether covered or not, there is no reason to find them a problem, irregardless of attire. Like babies themselves, it is simple biology (how we can perceive babies as miracles is another issue), and biology is something we should be embracing, rather then finding "unmentionable". Nursing babies, is simply a function of motherhood, for most, and entirely too much fuss is made of it. Sorry, but I see puritanical aspects to some of the comments, and I place those in the same basket as all religious extremism, along with Islamic Jihad. However, I will agree, that nursing in public should include a lightweight drape, to make it palatable for everyone, yet, momentary flashes should not be considered objectionable. I also agree that rest rooms are not the best place to find privacy, much less sanitation. On the other hand, I am not an advocate of babies in the first place, as the entire world's resources are severely strained by burgeoning populations, everywhere. That's what happens, when you allow religion to speak ahead of science. Having babies should be an activity of responsibility, and not one of fashionability. I find it incredible, that people who cannot even support themselves, are having babies, just because it is "popular". No one will suffer more, than the children themselves, from being brought into a world, where they are not properly cared nor provided for. I cite the example of a post presented here, which I will simply mention.....in that a young mother (unmarried?) was ignoring her own responsibilities as a parent, and a grandmother was being expected to raise her child, while she went out and partied half the night! (I won't even get into the divorce rate and the psychological issues created in children in such situations.) Yet, everyone is complaining about property taxes......and the vast majority of those funds go to fund schools for the children, that everyone seems to think they should be entitled to have. Perhaps everyone should be forced to go back to the old method of school funding......where parents had to group together in the community to pay for a school building, and a school teacher, along with all other costs of maintaining and equipping the school, and educating the students. Perhaps that might make people wake up to their true financial responsibilities of child bearing. Someone please explain to me, where the world went insane?

I hated the first trimester with all 3 pregnancies. I had horrible morning sickness 24 hours a day. It got worse with each pregnancy. Once I got beyond that, I loved it. With #1 I couldn't wait to wear maternity clothes and wore them much earlier than I needed to. (It took me a long time to show, and no one could believe I was as far along as I was.) I had a very hard time the first 6 weeks after each birth, mostly with nursing. I hung in there, but it was so hard. Once we got beyond the 6 week mark, it was wonderful. I loved nursing them! I nursed the first 2 for 20 months and our 3rd for 13 months. We knew after #3 that we were done, and DH took care of it, but even 12 years later I still have dreams that I am pregnant! I'm 45 and certainly do not want to be preggers again, but the dreams keep coming! Sheryl

Wow...ok dude listen up, these forums are probably about 80-90% female....and I'm sure they may give you some different opinions....but I'm going to relate to you what I went through (didn't turn out too well, sorry to say), since SOOOO much of what you wrote could have been written by me about 5-6 years ago (I'm 47 now...) I too was an educated man (I guess I still am..lol), a good provider, hard-worker, helped with the kids, the laundry, cooking, you name it. Always faithful, not out boozing or golfing with the boyz all the time...very rarely in fact. I worked about 55-60 hrs a week for years getting a software company off the ground, plus was renovating a house we bought...this is going back to 2001-2004 or so. I thought things were going well...I was fairly happy, my kids were awesome, I thought my wife was sort of happy (as happy as she can be, she was never the 'happy type')...after all she was doing what she wanted to be doing (being a stay-at-home). In 2004 sometime, shortly after my mother died, I started to feel something was 'off'. Not sure if I just finally noticed things, or if mom gave me sort of a 'kick in the head' on the way out...but I started realizing we had completely disconnected. I was doing my stuff...working and fixing the house, she was consumed with the kids 24-7 (or so I thought...more on that later), and when we did talk, it was about the kids, or the house, stuff like that. I realized this sitting in an airport on a business trip once, waiting for a flight, every other guy was on the phone yapping with their wives for a long time in the terminal I was at...my call lasted two minutes...we had nothing to talk about. This was a defining moment in my life, it turns out. When I got back from my trip, I started to do a lot of the things you spoke of, talk to her, try to reconnect, be more attentive, etc. I got the cold shoulder in a major way. I read on a thread either here, or in the "Stepfamilies" forum which, aside from the home-improvement forums is the other one I go to, "once a women shuts down....she is gone". I think this is what happened to my wife. To make and incredibly long and painful (for me) story short, I stared having feelings she might have been having an "outside interest" somewhere (I honestly, foolishly, thought she was too good a person to cheat on me...) So, I did what all suspicious spouses do these days...hit the cell phone while she was sleeping. Over the next few weeks, I figured out she was having an affair for 9 months with a contractor that had done work on my house (despite her lies and denials every step of the way, even after she admitted everything)...great, not only was he f%$#ing my wife, but I paid him 15K on top of that. Talk about salt in the wounds...ugh! The next couple years were a mix of trying to put it behind us (which I said I could do, in order to try to salvage the family), which was for the most part unsuccessful because she resisted communication, resisted therapy, etc. She also went to school during these few years and finished her degree...which should have been a huge red flag for me that it was all part of her "exit strategy". Three years later, she is gainfully employed, and although during this time I never felt like we ever really reconnected, no matter how hard I tried, on the surface we were 'both in it for the long haul', or so she said. I am sure you can imagine what happens next....within 6 months of working, I start getting those gut feelings again that she is 'distracted'....a little more investigation, and I figured out she was doing it again. Basically she strung me along for 3 god damn years, thinking we were going to salvage the marriage...when deep down she knew the whole time as soon as she got "self-sufficiant", she was out of there. I was never disrespectful to her, I was faithful, a good provider and an awesome dad. I deserved better....as I imagine you do too. My advice to you...attack the problem full force. Tell her all that you said in your post, and tell her (if it's true) that the most important thing on the planet is your relationship with HER (not keeping the family together, not avoiding divorce...etc.), and that you are prepared to do whatever it takes to make it as good as it can be, starting with marriage counseling. Don't sit back and hope it changes, which is what I did between the two affiars.....I gave up too easily. Be proactive and do bold things. Arrange for someone to watch the kids and take her away for a weekend...spur of the moment, things like that. I know that I probably had an opportunity to reconnect with my wife, and I was too passive in my attempts, because I am a logical thinker, i.e. I think like most men. One more piece of advice, stay away from women unless they are an actual "female-friend" that you had BEFORE this started....the fantasy of other women will cloud your vision...you have a family that needs your attention right now. Give it your full attention and maybe you have a chance to fix it. If it doesn't work, you will have time afterwards to engage in flirting and chasing women (which I must say, was a pretty fun thing to do after 15 yrs of being with one person...lol!) Now flash forward, I am divorced, have a great girlfriend of 3+ years, have 50% custody of my two kids, 13 and 10, just bought a nice house after renting for a few years....so on the surface, it's all ok, right? Not really, not a day goes by that I don't hate her for two things....first, making my kids grow up like this. It's not a big deal to her, she was raised by a single mom, and she turned out fine (uhmm...really?). I had an awesome, stable childhood and hate the facts that my kids have been forced to deal with this, even though (for the sake of the kids), I am nothing but pleasant and accommodating to her, despite all she but me through, while deep down, if it wasn't for the kids......ok I won't go there, but you can only imagine the hatred I have for her. And second, the feeling of betrayal from someone you were putting all your efforts towards making happy (yes, sometimes my efforts were misguided, but they were still done with the best intentions), is pretty hard to take. I will always be a bit "bitter" about this I imagine. Good luck! Keep us posted...