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lack of sex drive?
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Posted by jayme24baby (My Page) on Sun, Jan 27, 02 at 21:57
my daughte is 12 wks old this tuesday and i have like no sex drive at all!
is this normal?
i am breastfeeding and all but i'm sorta scared that it won't go back to normal.
can anyone relate?
thanx:) |
Follow-Up Postings:
RE: lack of sex drive?
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Yes, I can relate... My DD is 4 months old and I have nooooooooo desire. Poor hubby feels a little dejected.
I'm breastfeeding also. |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| I can also relate. My DS is 3 1/2 months old and breastfeeding. My DH and have done it once since I delivered, but I really haven't been in the mood AT ALL! I am going to wait another month or two and then talk to my doctor if it is still a problem. |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| It is normal. Give it more time and work back into it slowly, like you're dating. It's hormonal, related to the breastfeeding. It might be aggrevated by lack of sleep. I know when I was breastfeeding, I was "touched out" by the end of the day and wanted by body left alone! Add to that having a baby changes your relationship with your husband a little, or a lot sometimes. All your mental and physical energy is dedicated to this little baby right now. Soon you will feel like putting that energy back into your relationship and things will probably fall into place again. |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| I agree with Stephanie about time making a difference. One thing that might help get you in the mood is to try to take some time when you think baby will be sleeping and have a romantic dinner (or dessert). Order it in if you don't have time to cook but serve it on nice dishes and make the table pretty. Do your hair, your makeup, your nails if possible. Dress in nice clothes (not an evening gown just something pretty). Sometimes the act of making something special will bring a little spark to you. Even if it doesn't get you in the mood it will make hubby feel special and you want your husband to know that he is special to you even if you aren't in the mood. I am sure everything will work out fine. Mommabear |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| I'm feeling the exact same way! My DS is 10 weeks old and I'm breastfeeding and hoping that things will change soon (so is poor DH!). Anyway, I think it's just trying to adjust to a completely new lifestyle. This is our first baby and it has changed almost every single aspect of our lives. When I get into bed at night, the last thing I think about is sex. All I want to do is sleep,sleep,sleep! |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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thanks guys!
i feel better now. my poor dh is about to go crazy because we've only done it about 3 times...
i will do that dinner thing and see if that helps and i'm w/you AmyC when i get to bed all i want to do is SLEEP:) |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| I have this problem too and DS is 5 months! I have not been in the mood once since DS was born, but DH doesn't feel the same way, so I have to make this big effort. I think it must be to do with the breastfeeding, but lack of sleep doesn't help, either. I seem to remember feeling this way with my other children. And I was hoping to breastfeed for at least a year this time! |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| Dont' worry. This is called Nature's Birth Control. Goes back to the days before there was such things as Birth control pills and condoms. Mommy doesn't want, so mommy doesn't get, and mommy doesn't have her babies too close together. It is to a large extent hormonal. |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| Gosh - my DD is 18 months and I still have no sex drive!! LOL - Hope it gets better for you!!! |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| Ladies: There is no law that says you have to do it at bedtime! If that's the problem then try to fit it in some other time. Mommabear |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| What other time of the day is there?? :) After DH gets home at 5:30, I have to get dinner ready, eat, wash dishes, straighten up the house, breastfeed DS, get DD in bed between 7-8 p.m., get DS in bed whenever he'll agree to actually go to sleep... by the time everything is done I'm crashing on the couch and just want to relax. And PLEASE just don't touch me!! :) There's morning, of course, which is even worse than evening in my opinion. Most likely I've been up at least 3 times during the night and I'm not even close to rested. If I'm in bed I want to be sleeping! And for the record, even though I have no desire we still get it done about once a week just because I feel guilty if I don't. DH starts to have his feelings hurt after awhile. But honestly, if it was left up to me I could go a month before ever thinking about it! |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| Ladies: I know it sounds like a cliche, but you really do need to FIND the time to be with your honey. There are weekends, holidays, mornings, nights for sex. But it takes only a little effort to let him know he is still special to you. Just call him at work when the baby is napping and tell him that you love him. Some of this conversation revolves around sex and the desire for sex will probably return to normal after your babies are a little older. But there is a larger, more important time management issue that most parents face and this is finding the time to "connect" with our spouse in our busy lives. You must do this to keep your families intact. It does not take much effort. It does not take much time. But it is really important. Don't let your husband slip away from you in your quest to be the perfect mommy. The perfect mommy is a good wife also. Mommabear |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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Mary T
i had to lol when i read your post. obv. you have 2 children? i only have one but you sound just like me! except i don't mind the touching thing too much but i usually have dd at my breast or cuddling her or talking to her so the touch thing is usually out. Mommabear,
i agree. we should try to find time to be w/our husband and to be the perfect mommy is to be a good wife also.
great point!:) |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| My wife and I were fooling around 4 days after the baby came out. We did not have intercourse but we fooled around quite a bit. Even if your not in the mood just do it and you will find that the mood will come as you are fooling around. My wife and I are always pinching each others butts and blowing kisses at each other. The other day she even left a little baby hallmark on my car seat that said she still has the hots for me. I thought that was sweet. Common girls, you have to just stop concentrating on the baby so much and think about your marriage. Rememember When the kids are long gone you still have your spouse, you have to take care of your spouse because you will be with him/her forever, long after the kids are gone. |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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| Ok,I am now the TOTAL opposite! I stopped breastfeeding about a week ago and I CANNOT get enough! It was just like a couple of weeks ago where I didnt want him anywhere near me and now I want to fool around EVERYDAY.It looks like I got the old sex drive back and more. All I want to do is please the man. What the h*ll is wrong with me...lol.My DH is on cloud nine now of course....lol. Ok,so maybe you can greet him at the door(wink wink) when he gets home from work.(before you start dinner)or while your doing dishes could be fun. Ok,I think Ive said enough already. Good luck to you! |
RE: lack of sex drive?
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Sleeping Baby
I think for most women, only 4 days after giving birth, fooling around with their husbands is the last thing on their minds. I know I had too many other things to concern myself with, like learning to breastfeed and care for my baby, and I had to cope with sore breasts and hormones etc. And when the baby was sleeping, I was getting some rest myself. I certainly wouldn't have appreciated my husband trying to fool around with me, at that stage. And my husband was so in awe of me, after seeing what I'd gone through giving birth to his child, he was treating me like a princess. He was very sweet to me, but I think pinching my butt was the last thing on his mind. Thank goodness! |
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