Boy, I guess there are multiple levels of issues we can all face. One is just division of labor and how spouses feel about that--so, DW may be expected to do all the house cleaning and DH may do car upkeep, bills, home repairs--substitute any similar examples. Are they each happy with the division? If not, is it because of the job--drudgery, or whatever--or time commitment ("I spend 4 hrs a day on chores and you spend 30 min). All that can be tricky to divide up and still never may be 50-50. Then there would be more of the "slob" issues in which one person creates a large burden that seems unnecessary or inconsiderate. We think of cleaning most often, but a different example is if someone abuses the car, or an appliance, or stop up the toilet (especially if repeatedly and not just a simple mistake) and then the other person has to pick up the pieces, perhaps with a large time commitment or $$ commitment. As in the example of the really messy cook (I mean, if REALLY messy)--then the cleaning spouse could have a job that can't be done with a reasonable amount of time and energy--and at night you can't just hire someone to come fix it. Control is a factor for me--I am less likely to complain if I have to clear up someone's clutter, as long as I can do what I want with it. It becomes a major problem if I can't move it, can't sort it, can't organize it, but have to watch the dirt accumulate on top of it or can't use the dinner table, or chair. If it just turns out that picking up is one of my jobs in the division of labor scheme, I can often do that, and then I decide if I also have time to cook dinner, or whatever.

My husband went through the same thing a few years ago. Not a shift change just a change in responsibilities and expectations at work that were way over his head. He's not a cop but the situation is very similar. He also had mood swings , problems sleeping, he would smoke to relax and have a drink. Lose his temper with his two kids. I mean the same way you described! i would be sitting at the dinner table eating. and if his son didn't eat fast enough or at way too slow after 5 minutes he's be telling him off and nagging him to death to eat his plate. My SS would bow his head , wouldn't enjoy his meal and my husband would be telling him 'well you'll be left alone again cause you are not eating.' It got to the point i got pissed. so one night i turned around during meal time and nagged him. ' oh your not eating those veggies, oh you haven't touched them yet. why haven't you finished. ? its been 5 minutes?...you dont like my cooking? come on hurry up! we've going to miss our program, you eat too slow! what are you a cow? do you have several stomachs to digest? ; well needless to say i got the dirty looks, I smiled and left to clean the dishes. next time he did it again, i told him in front of his kids that i will not have dinner or lunch or breakfast while you badger your son. You have problems deal with them and dont take it out on the kids. This issue was early inthe relationship. So i spoke with him about work and found out his stresses and gave him soem ideas to change. Work finally changed and so did his attitude. Sorry for the long story. But i honestly think that your husband has stress from work. Either a traumatic experience that caused him to change his shift and of course the simple shift change cause sleep deprivation until his body acclimatizes to the time zone. But hes taken up cigarettes...which is not good for his nerves and his daily routine with you have changed. You have to find a middle ground to work together. If he doens't change his shift back to waht he did before you 'll need to make new time together. Some couciling is a good idea. As well, if he did go through a traumatic experience then your husband definetly needs counciling.

He has joint custody now, and I said the same thing, if this continues we're taking her to court for full custody. We considered it, and talked with our daughter about it, and she said she would, if not for her brother, and asked if we could take him as well. She's more worried about who will take care of him if she's not around. That's sad!!! My husband isn't the father of her brother, and we explained to her that we have no legal rights to him. Unfortunately she isn't the legal age yet, to choose on her own. I really don't want to put her through a huge battle. I'm hoping she does "poorly" in school so "Dawn" will send her here freely. Mind you, the child is an A B student, and "Dawn" completely over reacts if her grades slip ONE point. Say A+ to an A. That's all it will take according to "Dawn" so we'll see come the end of first quarter. The witch is just looking for a way out, but doesn't want to be the bad guy. Then again, her daughter is the only hold she has on my husband, and knows once she signs off physical custody, that will be no more. It's sick. I've asked my husband if he and "Dawn" ever had a sex thing throughout the years after leaving her. He said HELL no! If they had, atleast then her actions would make sense to me. I just don't get people like her. Is why I call it Fatal attraction. It took her 6 years the first time to get him drunk enough to sleep with her, she's thinking if she persists, he'll eventually give in again. My husband is a mechanic on the side, running his own business, so whenever her car breaks down, she calls US. Last month she wanted him to not only fix her car for free, but to give her one of our cars (mine or his) to run until it was fixed. Not just NO but HELL No!!!! Then she plays the "Child Card." Well "D" needs to get here, or there, and my car just isn't safe for the kids....still getting a big fat NO, she throws a fit like a two year old, blaming ME. LOL I offer to take "D" wherever she needs to be, karate, soccor, whatever, as I'm not working right now being so close to my due date; but no that's not good enough. My husband will fix her cars at cost, all she pays for is parts. I don't have a problem with this, as it is in "D" best interest. But "Dawn's" whole attitude is gimmie gimmie gimmie, and the more you give the more she wants and she's finding out it isn't going to be like that. We bought our daughter a computer a few years ago, which she never gets to use as "Dawn" is always on it. She has to come here and do her homework. Anyways, last year "Dawn" calls, and asks my husband if we'd upgrade her computer so SHE (dawn) could play a game she had bought. Is this woman on crack? She never fails to amaze me. I'm glad I found this site, cause now I don't feel so alone!! Thanks for listening to me babble!

I have been a lurker here forever...never posted. I know how hard it is to quit smoking. I smoke for over 20 years about 2 1/2packs a day. I quit 5 years ago. I had tried to quit several times but always went back. I quit by picking a date.I told myself that it was going to be hard but every day would be easier. I also read that when you quit smoking your body is over the withdraw from nicotine 48-72 hours after you last smoke. I told myself the first 3 days would be the hardest and after the 3 days it is all a mind game. I really believe that is what help me stop smoking is knowing that my body did not need the nicotine, that it was my mind. i did take a mini vaction from work, some people say they get very tired from not smoking.... The first 6 months are hard....you will give yourself every excuse to smoke again...it has been 5 years and once in great while i will still get the urge to smoke...I know I cannot smoke or even try to smoke...because I will be right back where I was. I wish you the best of luck