A year ago he introduced us to a woman that my DH and I both liked immediately. Every time we were together, I enjoyed being with her, and the two of them seemed so well suited. They married two months ago. The day after the wedding everything changed. She has a 16 yr old daughter who refuses to go to school (her mother allows it!), she smokes, does drugs, has many piercings, dresses "goth", and is terribly rude to everyone, except her mother. Her mothers says "she's just being a teenager". She has told everyone "I don't want a Dad, and he can't tell me what to do". Recently our son told us he felt the daughter was trying to break them up. She tells outrageous lies, takes the car without permission (doesn't have a license), uses foul language in front of our granddaughter, rarely bathes, and spends her time sleeping and texting. Everytime he tries to talk to her about any of this, she and her mother both explode and scream obscenities at him! Unfortunately, her mother believes everything she says. I've personally witnessed and been the subject of this child's lies. I'm totally shocked by the stories she comes up with. And now his new wife wants him out of the house (it was his house when they married), and is threatening to call the police and tell them he has abused her daughter.

I'm absolutely horrified at the turn of events in this relationship. And now it looks like she is going to get everything he has worked for after only two months of marriage.

I'm not sure how to advise him, except to "get a lawyer". I'm heartbroken for him. He has been through so much, and spent so much of the last years rebuilding his life, for himself and our granddaughter.

I'm sure there are other mothers out there who have watched their children go through these miserable times. Thanks for listening to mine.

I am sure he needs your support, emotionally, whatever happens.

Just let him know that you will help in any way you can, not much else you can do.

Maybe you could get some legal advice yourself, just for your own peace of mind. So you know where everyone stands.

I wish you well.

P

If they are still being intimate he needs to MAKE SURE SHE DOES NOT GET PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sorry for all that your son and your family are going through, but if this is how it is after only two months, he needs to cut his losses and end it now. The longer he stays hoping to work it out, the more complicated it will become. I hope he is wise enough and humble enough to understand that.

I'm sure that it is very difficult to watch your son go through this. I do think, however, that it all could not have started just the day after the wedding. His step daughter, from the visual that I get from your description and from having my own teens, has been this way for a while. I know that people tend to be on their best behavior while dating but I would think that it would difficult to hide a child's behavior when it is so extreme. Perhaps your son was hoping that it wasn't as bad as it looked or thought that he could handle it when in fact actually dealing with it on a day in day out bases was too much. It does sound like the SD would be too much for me.

Even with what I have already said I am sorry that he is having to go through another divorce. As a parent you suffer your own personal pain when watching your kids suffer.

I agree with weed30. Your daughter in law isn't going to get what she thinks she is going to.

I am sorry for your granddaughter also. I hope that your son can maintain a positive and happy front for her sake. I wish your son the best and you some peace. So sorry for it all.

Joyce, I'm wondering if you son could get an annulment. If the day after he was married he had trouble, I think he should look into this.

Best of luck.

I too am sorry that your son and granddaughter are exposed to this. I agree with weed30's comments. I do not believe the situation will improve and he needs to get out and cut his losses now. I hope he will not get her pregnant, if they are intimate.

She may have been seeking a man to help support her. I don't know how long her knew this woman for, or how long after the divorce he met her...I just have a bad feeling about this....I wish you the best and getting an attorney sounds like the best advice.

I don't believe pregnancy is a risk. Thank goodness.

I believe this woman has mental health issues -- perhaps a narcissistic personality disorder. Since they were married, we have discoverd she now hates her maid of honor, hates the photographer, hates her sister, hates her sister in law, hates her mother, etc, etc. I'm usually a good judge of character, but I was totally fooled by this one.

Thanks again to everyone.

Did she hide the daughter during the dating process? How could you not see problems ahead with such a teen, as you described, and not wonder about the influence she would be for his daughter?

"I believe this woman has mental health issues -- perhaps a narcissistic personality disorder. Since they were married, we have discoverd she now hates her maid of honor, hates the photographer, hates her sister, hates her sister in law, hates her mother, etc, etc. I'm usually a good judge of character, but I was totally fooled by this one."

Did she use the word that she "hates" these people and reveal that to you herself?

She could have a mental health issue...maybe Bi-Polar. I don't know. The change in personality sounds worrisome and if you've ruled out medication or something else that could be contributing, I'd definitely seek out counseling right away and talk to a professional.

A good source to try first may be the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. I believe their website is www.NAMI.org. I have a mother who was diagnosed with a type of mental illness and I've also known people who have been diagnosed as Bi-Polar, even severe cases of untreated depression can create a change in personality and if left untreated can become more problematic.

I would encourage you to contact NAMI or a mental health professional, doctor or someone as a starting place and then an attorney. Good luck to you...

Another possibility - maybe even worse - is that she and the daughter are a pair of con artists. So she and DD were all nicey-nicey until they got what they wanted - marriage - then the gloves come off and they're trying to either get their 'score' quickly and move on, or just live like they want as long as he'll foot the bills. If the daughter's dress and manners were mild pre-marriage, this is what I'd assume.

If that's the case, a little investigating on your part (don't tell your son yet) might be in order. If you're not up to the task yourself, you could retain a private investigator to get the real story.

But an annulment sounds like the best option in either case --

A worrisome event was when her daughter started screaming at our 8 yr old granddaughter: "Your daddy is an Axx Hxxx...aren't you real proud of him now?" And the mother chimed in more obscenities. Our son immediately took our granddaughter back to her mother. She also called the police to make he didn't evict her. I'm doing a bit of checking on her, not sure what it will prove, other than if something turns up that shows she's done something like this before. She has lied about so many things -- it's just incredible. We were told the daughter was a straight A student, and was going to graduate ahead of her classmates. Intially she was quiet, but pleasant, so I overlooked the other things. Now we found out she hasn't even been in school full time for 2 years. She should be a junior, but doesn't even have enough credits to be classified as a sophmore. Her mother played a game with the school districts -- telling the one she should have gone to, that they moved, and she was enrolled in a different school. Guess they all fell for it.

Yes, she used the word "hate" in reference to her feelings about family and former friends. Also told me her sister is a "psycho" -- maybe it runs in the family.

Flower, thanks for the advice about NAMI. I will give them a call, and let you know what they say.

Unfortunately our son lives 1000 miles from any other family, so we aren't close by, but have told him we will get on a plane whenever he needs us.

I am a prayerful person, and lots of prayers are being said this week.

This situation just keeps getting worse, and the outcome doesn't look good. He has not been able to locate his wife since she emptied the house. And has not been able to locate his vehicle. She is apparently in hiding. Has not gone to work, and her daughter is not in school (which we knew).

They did have a meeting in court last week, she wouldn't talk to him, and is seeking spousal support. At this point, she does not have to return anything. He did ask if he could have his computer back (he kept all our granddaughter's pictures on this computer), and he was told the police now have the computer because she has charged him with taking pornographic pictures of her daughter and putting them on the computer. I am absolutely 100% certain that DS would never do this -- ever!! I'm scared to death of what the outcome will be. This is such a fine man, and now he is facing criminal charges, could lose his job, lose any custody of his daughter, and I hate to think of what else. I advised him to get a private investigator to see if she has done something like this before. She just seems to know all the tricks to hurt him the most.

It doesn't sound like she is new to this. Does he know anything about her other husband? She and daughter sound like a team. What a shame. Again, I am so sorry.

Definitely, try a private investigator. Because if she says he took porno pictures of the daughter, it's a safe bet the daughter will back Mom up on that, and it's not unlikely there will be porno pictures of the daughter on his computer. If they've gone that far...

Without a PI's report and history to back him up, things could get dicey...