Xmas present for adult son who doesn't return the favor????
peg_in_oregon
16 years ago
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Jonesy
16 years agocarla35
16 years agoRelated Discussions
DH doesn't see the need to change~~
Comments (30)I have asked his children......they said they don't want it...have a houseful of their own already. I know nothing about craigslist....are they like Ebay? Do you have to join and what is the commission rate? I have checked for a couple things on craigslist, and there is never anything remotely near to where we live.....rural Kansas. I am still thinking maybe we can take it to the auction house. I asked him tonight if he was "attached" to his Hummels (because that just isn't my thing...even told him I was going to part with my Zolan plate collection)...and he said the only things he was really attached to was a water color painting done by a famous artist and two bronze statues of bears that he bought when he lived in Montana. So maybe he is not as "attached" as he seemed to be....I'll keep "working" on him. I had a garage sale last spring and did make enough to buy the new dining room chairs, but everytime I mention looking for new ones, he doesn't want to go and I do not want to spend that kind of money for 8-10 chairs without him seeing them....because if they are not comfortable enough for him, he wouldn't be happy with them and then I don't think I would be able to enjoy them either....See MoreAdult Stepchildren returning home
Comments (138)Patriffel, I know its a dismay from the mere fact the daily routine life will change. And it will be crowded in the house. BUt you have to set guidelines and define a time limit here. Its doesn't matter if its a stepchild, a biochild, a cousin or best friend. I just had my house usurped for the last month and i had enough. I told my husband ' no more stray dogs, we did our help with two people and now the doors are closed. ' We had two people stay in our house for two different reasons. We set time limits and it worked well but let me tell you , it was a relief when these people left. Both were in a jam. One lost their job and their apartment but she got on her feet quick and was out in a month. The other i gave her 4 months to get on her feet because her husband booted her out of the house. She has worse issues and i'm glad after 2 weeks she left! Its nice to help. Its your husbands son and two grandkids so of course he will be thrilled. But i'm sure after a few weeks that thrill will definitely subside. Its only natural. People need their space. So you need to sit down with your husband and your SS to set a time limit. You tell them its fine but there is a time limit. Set a reasonable time. Now it might be 3 months or more but set the max you can handle and then just deal with it. Its not forever but hey, its a jam, help out a bit , i know you've done your duty but be very open and honest about the time limit and make sure its kept. If several months pass then scrap it out with hubby and tell him , its been so many months and if no progress is made its abuse. Period. If he wants to help his son and his son is not responsible to fix things in a few months, then he can help his son by finding him another place to live and he can baby sit the grandkids. This is another solution. I do not know all the details and of course knowing more info will help all of us to give you advice but we'ld like to hear how its going. THis is not a permanent thing. So do not worry....See MoreI Messed Up With Adult Step-Son & Family
Comments (3)I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't have said anything. As a woman who has been married for over 25 years to a man who has done more than his fair share of never communicating the word "no" to his now very entitled, grown children, I can tell you from experience that letting the husband do 100% of the communicating is just as equally destructive as doing it yourself. The bottom line is, which do you value more? His children's approval or your own boundaries? If you sacrifice your boundaries in hopes of gaining their approval, there's a high probability that they will interpret your silence as permission to mow you down to get what they want. In addition to not gaining their approval, you may also lose your self-esteem in the process. Successful relationships require mutual respect, and a shared goal of peace. Very often, adult stepchildren don't share this goal with their stepmother. You may always be the unwanted, unwelcome visitor in their pre-existing family, whose every move will be scrutinized. As for your very successful doctor SIL and his wife... assuming that you wouldn't mind babysitting the weekend after your wedding seems like a rather ignorant and selfish assumption. Assuming his mother is also available to babysit, in addition to her own family members, it would seem that they should be able to tap into other resources. Not to mention, that his salary should be sufficient to hire someone to babysit if they can't use relatives. If he and his wife plan to leave their kids behind fairly often to travel as a couple, then they should also be planning what to do with their own children so their travel doesn't come at the expense of others. And for certain that it doesn't come at the expense of a new, unwanted, underappreciated, second wife who has already raised kids and would like to spend time on her own honeymoon. Hence, my biggest piece of advice to you is to 100% stop worrying about what your stepchildren think of you. My plan of action stays the same now and has for a number of years. If mine are kind to me, I'll be happy to return the gesture. If they choose to merely show me the minimal cordial interactions, I'll return the same. If they decide to attack me, shun me, be rude to me, etc. I will leave and not lay eyes on them for a long time. I will not succumb to returning their uncivilized behavior, but I will not be present for theirs either....See MoreGrandson doesn’t want to go to school
Comments (28)The reason he didn't act up when being dropped off at daycare is likely because he started there when he was two and then had three years of getting used to it (assuming he didn't go to multiple daycare providers). I've taught kindergarten and grade one for the last 12 years. This scenario is really not uncommon. I might not have a student with transition issues every year, but usually at least every other year. It is hard from a teacher's perspective to see parents prolong the drop off (not sure if that is what is happening in your situation). I know it is hard to go when your child is crying, but what I see is a child in distress as long as the parent is there and then (usually) immediately calm down when they leave, it makes my heart hurt for both of them. It is usually much harder on the child to have the parent hang around. We do as bpath mentioned above and have something to distract them as soon as they arrive. Often a staff member is assigned to a child having trouble making the transition so they can greet them one on one and be the in between person between classroom and parent. Often this person will walk with them in the hall or take them to gather snack from the kitchen, etc. It is important to validate feelings (you're feeling sad and it's okay to feel sad for a minute when you say goodbye) and then remind them that feelings come and feelings go. Have the school staff remind him of something that makes him feel happy that occurs at school or, again, physically distract him with the thing that makes him happy. Good luck. I know it is hard to stick it out but, in my experience, these kids settle after a week or two of using the above strategies (and often in just a few days). As others have said, these kids often turn out to be really independent and love school. One in particular who took the longest of any I've taught to settle into kindergarten, by grade one had become uber confident and is now leader of the student council....See Moreplasticgarden
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