Xmas present for adult son who doesn't return the favor????
peg_in_oregon
16 years ago
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Comments (30)
Jonesy
16 years agocarla35
16 years agoRelated Discussions
Lending money to adult son/stepon - Whaddayathink?
Comments (31)Finedreams, from the OP: >>Adult SS29 asked his Dad on Dec 15 if we could lend him $1000 for "just 30 days" so he could put up his security deposit on a house that he was moving his family of 5 into. Saying that he would get back his other security deposit (from the house that they were currently in) in 30 days, and then he would be able to pay us back. ..... It is [now] Feb 19. We have not heard anything [from] SS29.Four months is considerably longer than the 30 days promised. Even if SS did not get his security deposit back as promised, the very least he could have done was to let the people who lent him money and spent two days helping him to move and paint his new home, know what was happening, why the repayment would be late, and when he expected to be able to repay....See MoreAdult Stepchildren returning home
Comments (138)Patriffel, I know its a dismay from the mere fact the daily routine life will change. And it will be crowded in the house. BUt you have to set guidelines and define a time limit here. Its doesn't matter if its a stepchild, a biochild, a cousin or best friend. I just had my house usurped for the last month and i had enough. I told my husband ' no more stray dogs, we did our help with two people and now the doors are closed. ' We had two people stay in our house for two different reasons. We set time limits and it worked well but let me tell you , it was a relief when these people left. Both were in a jam. One lost their job and their apartment but she got on her feet quick and was out in a month. The other i gave her 4 months to get on her feet because her husband booted her out of the house. She has worse issues and i'm glad after 2 weeks she left! Its nice to help. Its your husbands son and two grandkids so of course he will be thrilled. But i'm sure after a few weeks that thrill will definitely subside. Its only natural. People need their space. So you need to sit down with your husband and your SS to set a time limit. You tell them its fine but there is a time limit. Set a reasonable time. Now it might be 3 months or more but set the max you can handle and then just deal with it. Its not forever but hey, its a jam, help out a bit , i know you've done your duty but be very open and honest about the time limit and make sure its kept. If several months pass then scrap it out with hubby and tell him , its been so many months and if no progress is made its abuse. Period. If he wants to help his son and his son is not responsible to fix things in a few months, then he can help his son by finding him another place to live and he can baby sit the grandkids. This is another solution. I do not know all the details and of course knowing more info will help all of us to give you advice but we'ld like to hear how its going. THis is not a permanent thing. So do not worry....See MoreAdult Step Son controls with anger
Comments (7)I have been struggling, - in the dark at first, but now I have seen the light - with my step son since he was 9 years old. He lost his mother to breast cancer when he was a baby and then I came into his life when he was a preschooler. He was a darling boy who loved his father's attention and knew how to get it. As he became older, he was spoiled by his father and treated fairly by myself, just as I did his brother 9 years older and my own two daughters. He is now 26 years old and I am still struggling. His father is still spoiling him - giving him money even though he has not worked full time since his 6 years in college. He is a full blown narcissist. He bullies everyone including his father. I just can't be around it, so I travel alot to see friends, and family. When I return home there is always something. This last time I figured out his Passive Agressiveness. He always entertains at our home when we are gone, even though he doesn't live here. This time it was taking the couch pillows from the living room - three pillows that match the sofa and the chair. I didn't notice at first, but the next day I checked myself first, "Self, did you take those pillows to the basement for laundering? No they are not down there." I find it very very difficult to stay quiet about the small things he does. In the past, I have confronted him, but then he makes up falsehoods to his father about me - his dramas - to cause trouble and make me look bad. Most of the time, his father and I can't even speak for about a week - the freezer. Well, I am out of the freezer because I haven't spoken a word about this episode. Hope I can keep my mouth shut. The sad part of this is I just don't live at home very much. I will not knowingly choose to be anywhere around this boy - Golden Boy - narcissist. I go to therapy but the therapist wants me to come to see her with Golden Boy. I just haven't been able to get myself to do that. His loft apartment is full of things he has lifted from my home and expensive toys he should not be able to afford. I won't go there anymore. I get angry when I see the things he has taken from me. His father doesn't care. If anyone has any solutions I would love to hear them....See MoreAdult stepson doesn't care for younger brother with cancer
Comments (49)I am going to put a thought out there that hasnt been mentioned yet, but is a possible explanation for part of the young mans aversion to his ill half brother. My sister passed away a few years ago, at the age of 35, after a six month battle with cervical cancer. ( get your pap smears ladies, it could save your life) After her original diagnosis, which occurred right around Xmas time, everyone , friends, immediate family, long lost relatives, all came to see her. It was assumed that she would recover, since most cervical cancer does not result in death, because its caught early on. Sadly, that was not the case with my sis. As it became more obvious that she was very gravely ill, people began to withdraw from her. In the last four months of her life, most of the family who were not immediately close to her, made excuses why they couldnt get over to see her, and ALL, and i do mean ALL of the young men in the family between the ages of 15 and 35, pretty well avoided her like the plague. Many many young adults cannot handle the thought of human mortality, and are extremely uncomfortable with someone who is seriously ill. Men are worse at it than women are. This young man doesnt feel particularly close to the six year old anyway, since, although they share a dad, they are more than twenty years in age difference, and a lifetime apart in experiences. Instead of assumeing that this young man is intending to be hurtful and insulting... Perhaps he is just uncomfortable with the thought of death or illness, as MOST people his age are, and is avoiding the boy for that reason, since they havent been particularly close, because of age and circumstance. I just am not ready to hang this young man out to dry for behaviour that I saw fairly often from many people during my sisters illness. People who were otherwise very good caring people....See Moreplasticgarden
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