Bright Child Leaves College
catlover_ks
17 years ago
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Vickey__MN
17 years agocatlover_ks
17 years agoRelated Discussions
'Tree' rose, Julia Child, yellowing leaves, help?
Comments (1)Make sure you have excellent drainage from the container. If the drain holes are getting plugged, the soil will stay too wet and eventually rot the roots. We had the same thing happen to a tree rose in a container. When I freed up the drain holes it was like a river coming out the bottom....See Morecollege expenses vs. taking in a grandchild
Comments (10)TOS, I don't need a website to tell me that the majority of kids today are in non intact families. I was surprised back when I worked for social services, how many children lived with grandparents and other relatives. I was equally shocked at how many father's had custody and uninvolved mothers. I was a single mother and I figured that there were very few mother's that didn't have custody or see their children. While KKNY can yell from the rooftops that only 10% of fathers have custody, I think that's an outdated statistic. It may not be much higher, but that doesn't mean 90% of mothers have custody. Obviously, if 4.5 million (and I still think it's higher) children live with grandparents and I saw many cases of children living with other relatives that would not be included in those statistics (as well as non relatives raising someone's kids)... when you factor that in, the percentage of mother's raising their children drops. KKNY, like I said, you can't discuss EVERY possible scenario before you get remarried. When there are children involved, you have to accept the unexpected. I guess the first rule is IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, DON'T MARRY SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T LIKE CHILDREN. Doodle married someone with small children and it's clear she loves kids. How can you anticipate whether you will want to babysit grandkids or how often (I think most people would want to babysit their grandkids) 15-20 years from now? Nobody can look into the future and tell what will happen years or decades from now. Like I said, i am looking forward to my grandkids. I can't say for sure if I will be available to babysit when my kids want me to. I think that when you get married, the best you can do is discuss how you feel about family and look at your partner's family ties... Id family as important to them as it is to you? etc. Some families are very close while some only get together at the holiday's or hardly ever. I think it's important to discuss family in general, it would also alleviate disagreements over in laws, etc. And then since the divorce rate is over 50% (and rising), I suppose that prior to the first marriage, while talking about whether they will have kids and how many, they should start discussing who will get custody and what kind of parenting plan they might have in the future. They should discuss how a step parent will play into the equation. After all, it's more likely than not for today's children to experience their parent's divorce, live in a single parent household, and eventually, live in a blended family. Might as well discuss it before having kids. I think you are right, the more you discuss, the better. And I'm always in favor of putting it in writing. People tend to change their minds and forget what they agreed to....See Morecollege
Comments (71)I was only making a point (meant with a touch of sarcasm) that in another thread you stated that I have never been divorced so I know nothing about divorced people. I think I know enough to have an opinion on how (divorced) people act by my experiences/education in dealing with divorced people, even though I'm not divorced. We can all have opinions on any subject, and we do. But when I express my opinion about marriage and get told that I have no business discussing marriage because I haven't been married for 20+ years, or I am told that because I was never married to my children's fathers, I must have low expectations regarding their responsibility, or when I talk of divorced people, I must not know what I'm talking about because I am not divorced. Nobody here should have to defend their "credentials" to have an opinion. And that was my point. You are not a step parent but you have a right to your opinions regarding it. If you become a step parent, those opinions may change, just as kkny or tos may change their mind set if they ever get married and see what it's like to wear the hat of a step mother. I appreciate and see value to everyone's opinions (I don't always agree and may say so) but my right to have an opinion seems to be attacked by having my past thrown into my face and it feels like I'm expected to hang my head in shame and not have an opinion....See MoreDo Kids Take College Seriously These Days?
Comments (40)My parents method seemed harsh to me at the time, but it proved quite successful and I intend on (mostly) repeating it with my own children. I was told from an early age that once I graduated high school I had to either move out or, if I was attending college, I had a room. If I wasn't going to attend college then I would be expected to pay rent. Furthermore, once I made the decision to move out, I would not be allowed to move back in under any circumstances. There was no safety net, I had to make it or break it on my own. They would also not pay for any college so if I wanted that, I had to either excel in my grades and apply for grants and scholarships or I had to work to pay my way or get loans. Most people I've told this to feel it was overly harsh, bordering on cruelty to basically tell an 18 year old that they were in charge of their life. It was very much a tough love mentality BUT, it's not like it was suddenly sprung on me at the last minute. (THAT would be cruel in my eyes) My parents spent YEARS not only driving home the message but ALSO teaching my brother and I that nothing in life is free and if you want something, you had better be prepared to work for it. They also taught us how to cook, clean, manage our finances, etc. We both had jobs during high school, balancing school, work and extracurricular activities. I chose to move out 2 weeks after I graduated high school due to an acrimonious relationship with my parents. My brother chose to live at home while attending college. We are both successful adults with no debt from schooling. The only other real world examples I have to go off of are my friends and my husband. My husband was actively discouraged from working while in school because "you should focus on school!!" (Yeah, because real life and bills will just stop for you to focus on only one aspect of life). We spent years paying off his student loans which were acquired because of the "only focus on school" mentality that his parents instilled in him. Real life doesn't work that way and the sooner you learn that lesson, the better. My closest friends came from much wealthier families than I did and they all screwed around and wasted their parents money for a few years before getting their acts together. One figured it out soon enough that she was able to finish college and get her degree before the cash flow stopped. The other took a bit longer and by the time she had her head on straight, she had burned through all the money her parents had set aside for her education. She is a very skilled and competent lawyer now, but she has almost 200K in student loan debt. I don't really blame either of them. It was their parents fault. Their parents didn't prepare them to be adults; they treated them like kids and mommy and daddy took care of their problems. Children aren't forever children; they are future adults. Talk to them, teach them and prepare them for that role because that is the role they will have for the vast majority of their lives....See Morepopi_gw
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