Those Annoying Chistmas Brag Letters!!! ugh..
bulldinkie
22 years ago
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KerryClem
22 years agobugs_niagara_com
22 years agoRelated Discussions
Refusing to communicate...UGH!
Comments (15)I had misunderstood your post--I didn't realize you were talking about what the children themselves would think. And I hope it didn't seem like I was suggesting that OP and her husband discuss their strategy in front of the kids! No way. The goal would be for the children to witness everyone being very civil, so, no speakerphone in front of the kids, of course, if BM is going to be verbally abusive. OP and her DH should model civility and not respond to or be reactive to rudeness. Our counselor emphasized over and over that children are NOT served by thinking their parents might reunite when there is no chance that they will. Instead, the new couple should present a good role model of a good marriage. And in a good marriage, it is a no brainer that one does not permit belittling or insulting of one's spouse. And that includes someone who treats one like a romantic partner, regardless of the past. The counselor said that children in a blended family feel the most secure with two conditions: the new couple is stable and loving; and, the new couple and their other bioparent have a good working relationship. It's important for the married couple to work together on a system where all the parents cooperate. Otherwise the kids sense a polygamy kind of arrangement....See Morethose damn pants!!! ~again~
Comments (48)DH and BM had mediation today. SD has asked him three time is she was going... she wasn't even supposed to know about it. DH said it went fairly well. The mediator started to give him crap over the pants... (my jaw hit the floor when I heard that!) but I guess BM wrote that DH intentionally threw away the pants BECAUSE she bought them. He told them they were too small and didn't fit her, we buy her most of her clothes and he thought it was petty to fight over a pair of pants... then said we had to throw away her pants from last weekend because they came back ripped. BM jumped up and asked him if he was accusing her and he told her no, but it IS in your nature to do something like that and it might be retaliatory because she angry about the other pants. He basically said SD goes through clothes and we buy new ones every few months as she grows, seasons change, etc. Other than that, BM lied her ass off. She said SD was injured when we took her on a serve at 10pm. We never took her to do a serve at 10pm. I went to serve a subpoena on a guy that was expecting it... it was scheduled so no chance for conflict and we were coming home around 8pm when our window broke out on the side of the car. SD was sitting behind the driver seat and the passenger window shattered. We think it was a rock.. maybe kids using a slingshot because we were passing a ball field when it happened. It had nothing to do with being on a serve, we could have been on our way to dinner. She said SD was cut up from the broken glass. It scared her (it scared ALL of us) but no glass got on her or cut her. We stopped at a firehouse to call 911 and waited for the Sheriff to make a report for our insurance. While we were waiting, DH took pictures of SD in front of the fire house for her school project on CA. She was wearing her coat (yet BM said it cut up her arms) and smiling (yet BM said she was hurt & terrified). That was the only other thing DH had to really explain but BM tried to explain why her other DD does not live with her, why she has waited 2 years if this was 'temporary' and then BM told the mediator that SD absolutely wants to live with her. That got the mediator's attention and she asked BM "How do YOU know THAT?" Well, it was in the paperwork handed out before mediation that the child should NEVER be asked where they want to live because no child should EVER have to choose between their parents. I guess BM didn't read it or didn't think it applied to HER! BM also lied when DH said he believes she only filed for custody because BM doesn't want to pay support. He said it is a coincidence that she was served shortly before she filed... BM said she filed two weeks before she got served by DCSS. lol, the mediator can easily check that out in the court case because DCSS served her on 4/13 and BM filed for custody on 4/16. I really hope her lies bring her down! I guess the mediator wanted to see SD so when they left mediation, they went into the clerks office & I went in with DH so they could schedule it. The mediator looked a little annoyed and BM was right there next to her. Then the mediator said when SD comes in, there is no parental involvement at all so it does not matter who brings her in. DH asked if I can bring her in so he didn't have to miss work and BM volunteered to pick her up from school & bring her in. The mediator again said it didn't matter who brings her. So, they set it up for 4pm after school and I said (and it just came out without thinking) that she can pick her up from the house at 3:30. BM practically snarled at me "WHY?" and I said so she can do her homework since she gets out of school at 2:20 and BM nearly bit my head off.. snapping at me that SHE can help HER daughter with homework. I said fine. The mediator said "there will be none of that in here!" So, in hindsight I should have said nothing. Of course, it shows the mediator that BM really has a huge problem with me. I guess at one point, DH said I am available to talk to her too if she needs to and BM jumped in and said "there's no need for that" or something like that.. basically saying the mediator does not need to talk to me at all. The mediator jumped on BM saying she'll talk to whoever she wants in order to make a recommendation but I am guessing BM did not impress the mediator. BM stormed off down the street and when we were getting on the freeway, BM got behind us and then drove around us really fast and sped off. She was pissed. She does not like to be called on her lies and she also told the mediator she had an email where DH agreed she was to have SD on her birthday from 9-6, not 8-8. Well, she is supposed to bring that back when they see the mediator the week after SD sees her. It doesn't exist. They did not email each other about her birthday, it was discussed when we picked up SD. Besides, even if it WAS 6pm... she left SD at 4pm to go back to her BF and left SD with grandma! DUH! She is also supposed to bring letters she says SD has written about how terrible I am to her and how she doesn't like me. When BM told the mediator how SD and I don't get along, DH presented a stack of letters & cards SD has made me over the last two years. She gave me one yesterday that said "Happy early Mother's Day". I can only imagine she is going to make SD write letters to 'prove' what she says is true. If she does, I can't believe she thinks the mediator is going to buy that! She is something else!!!...See MoreI'm tired of my Ex and his drama llama
Comments (21)Yes she has to call stepmom Mom. She does it so she won't get into trouble. She doesn't like it because it's awkward to her. Dad and I divorced when she was 4. Dad met stepmom during seperation. Dd met stepmom right after divorce. Dd called stepmom by her first name for the next 4 years but then all of a sudden, she has to start calling her Mom just in the past 8 months. It's so weird. Oh Dd asked me a weird question today. I had a lightbulb go off in my head and I wanted to tell y'all. She just out of the blue said, I think it's so weird that my dad has to pay you money but you have a car and he doesn't. I just paused for a minute not sure how to answer because I have never told Dd about child support. So I asked her to explain her concern further because I wasn't understanding her point. She said you and Stepdad work, Dad works but he makes more money than both of you and you still have a nicer car than he does, he doesn't even have his own car.. So many thoughts went through my head and later, my Dh and I brought it up to each other and we laughed that both of us had the same thoughts... 'well if stepmom would get a job then maybe your daddy could buy himself a new car! AND SM drives a car that cost what mine and DHs cars combined cost... But alas that wasn't my response. I just told her yes Dad pays what is called child support and it's court ordered. You live more time with me and so the state says that both parents have to equally provide for their kids and that means he gives us money to help pay for your clothes, shoes, toothpaste, roofing, heat, water, etc. AND daddy doesn't have a car of his own because he has a vehicle that is provided for him by his boss and so he doesn't need one of his own, right? She said OH that would be so silly for him to have two cars. Every morning he would have to flip a coin to see which one to drive! Why does this jerk think he has to share every detail with our daughter?? She does not need to know the ins and outs of family court... I do wish there was a way to prove all of this and put his butt back on supervised visits where he belongs!...See MoreLittle annoyances
Comments (9)Shannon, "I know when my DH's kids are with us,like out to dinner, or over here for a visit, he finds it very difficult because he feels like we can't really "talk" openly, we have to keep it to ourselves because he KNOWS that everything we say will go home to BM and there will be hell to pay....arrgghh!!" EXACTLY!!!! The only difference is that SD lives WITH us... it's not just a visit. ARRGGHH!!!!!! For Christmas she asked for a cell phone, camera & laptop.... common things kids today ask for. Our thoughts... oh hell no! she wants the cell phone to call her mom & keep her updated minute by minute. she wants the camera to take pictures she can upload to the laptop & email to her mom. like I said, it's the lack of trust that is going to doom her... those are things it would be nice to get for her. Sadly we can't trust her to use them responsibly or appropriately... we would expect her to try to use them against us and we've done nothing wrong. I hate feeling that way! The only problem I see in making up some good stories for her to repeat... she ALREADY makes up crap that isn't true and we don't want the phone calls or emails that eventually follow when her mom gets all worked up. We sure don't want her filing to go back to court because she thinks we are moving.. lol She spent all last summer telling us that she was going to Hawaii with her mom & grandma. When her grandma came to pick her up from the house, DH asked her if she's excited about their trip? She said there's no trip, they have no money for a trip to Hawaii and had no idea what SD was talking about. Yeah, I think SD likes to stir it up... the difference is we don't react in an angry way to whatever BM is doing. (remember BM has been planning her wedding to BF for over two years, but she's still married to older DD's father. Now, BM is supposedly pregnant and due next month. She stays on her porch during exchanges so we can't really tell if she's showing... to me she still looks the same but I guess next month we shall find out. lol) I guess I can't really blame SD for lying so much, it's been modeled to her since she was little... her mom is a pathological liar. I am just finding it impossible to have a relationship with her when the knife is still in my back from the last attack. The whole thing makes me sad but I guess the only answer is: "It's not MY problem"...See Moretenyr68_hotmail_com
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