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21 year old who is immature
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Posted by salena (My Page) on Fri, Dec 7, 07 at 9:09
| There seems to be all sorts of fixs for childhood problems, but how do you fix a 21 year old who is immature. We had him tested and that word was in the drs report twice. He doesn't learn from his mistakes. He's been in 3 police altercations ending in being arrested twice. He is not an aggressive boy/man, is polite and went quietly with the police. Being his grandmother (mom and dad out of the picture) I am the one to pay bail and do all the worrying as he is NOT a candidate for jail. How does one make a 21 year old grow up? He lives with a girl and they both work, in another town. Thanks for any thoughts. |
Follow-Up Postings:
RE: 21 year old who is immature
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| Let him stay in jail. seriously. As long as you bail him out, he doesn't have any reason to alter the behavior that lands him in trouble. In fairness, I would tell him that he needs to line up another way to get out of jail because I will not do it even one more time. |
RE: 21 year old who is immature
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| Ditto. You are enabling. 21 is of legal age for him to start taking responsibility for himself. |
RE: 21 year old who is immature
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| I agree that bailing him out isn't going to help him. My son is 21 and left my home because he didn't like the rules. He ended up at my mom's house because she enables him to sleep all day, does his laundry, doesn't expect him to do anything, including work. I told my kids as they were entering high school, there are going to be people that may lead you into trouble or you will have to make choices that could lead you down the wrong path. I told them that I will not visit my child in jail if they break the law. I will certainly not pay bail either. The only exception is a kid that is being responsible and doing what they should, and it could be an honest mistake and they didn't do it. But it was clear that if they were getting into trouble, don't call me from jail. I don't know if I would actually stick to that because none (so far) have ever been arrested. Why are the parents out of the picture? |
RE: 21 year old who is immature
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| I agree with the others. "Tough love" is needed here. It is so hard to do, but it will be one of the biggest favors you can do for your grandson. I knew someone who did this when her son acted up; she felt horrible but followed through. To this day, her son still thanks her. He is now a responsible married man with a family. Unfortunately, not all of us are strong and have to learn the hard way. Although my daughter was never in jail, there were some times that she scared the dickens out of me. I was in favor of "tough love"; my late husband was not. Even though she is now married with a family, she still almost drove me to the brink of insanity. I finally have said "enough", and blessed peace has occurred. Don't let it get to this point; be strong. Think of yourself and your health. |
RE: 21 year old who is immature
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I'm curious what he got arrested for? What were the charges? Perhaps he is involved in drugs & you aren't aware of it? Just a thought.
I agree with the above posters -- don't bail him out. He made his bed - let him lay in it. |
RE: 21 year old who is immature
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| cut the apron strings, hes 21 time for him to figure it out on his own. |
RE: 21 year old who is immature
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| Have you ever heard of "tough love" |
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