Abusive, manipulative Step Daughter
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13 years ago
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asolo
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emotional abuse by daughter
Comments (18)Oh Lynn, I just read your post and it seems like you were me writing the post.I too had an encounter with my daugter's new husband.On account of him hitting my grandchildren,he is the stepfather.And I too lost the close relation that I had with my daughter because I told him that he had no right to abuse the children.She took his side and told me that my granddaughter that is 12yrs.,old is just making things bigger then what it is.And I pointed out to my daughter that if she doesn't beleive her daughter now,what is going to happen if God forbid one day her daughter tells her that he abused her in any other way.That she is not going to come to her for help.And then is when he wanted to litterly kick me out of the house,that my husband and I had helped her buy when she was married to her first husband. Let me tell you that it has now been six years and my daughter has not set foot in our home and we have seen our grandchildren only on occacion when her ex-husband allows us to see them. I have tried many times to talk to her and to see the children but she tells me that they come as a package and that if I don't accept her new family I don't accept her and her children.I can't accept anybody that abuses the children and make beleive like if nothing is happening. Lettie...See MoreManipulating Daughter
Comments (7)I have one of the same breed. She is 19 and moved back home after leaving her husband of 2 years about 5 months ago. She has my grandson that will be 2 in January 2011. Same here. I have been screamed at, cursed and threatened in my own home until I am sick of it. She started seeing someone immediately after leaving her husband who was much less than desirable. I was unable to drive for a while due to illness. Every night after putting the baby to bed she was out the door until the wee hours of the morning and on the weekends when the baby was with his daddy, she came home only to shower and leave again, which I saw as a blessing. Things are constantly going missing the most valuable being a stainless steel watch, a gift from the president of my company. My home is in constant uproar. Do not ask her the simplest of questions or it leads to a 30 minute screaming fest. Do not ask her to clean up after herself and the baby in any place other than the room they sleep in. My kitchen is a disaster. The cabinets where my dishes belong are empty and the same goes for my glasses and silverware. I have not slept in my own bed in over a week because I have chosen to work and then leave and stay with a friend. This morning she woke up cursing and screaming at the top of her lungs to one of her friends about what a b*&!h I am for asking why she had taken something out of the fridge and hadn't put it back. When she first came back home she was my daughter. I have no idea who she is now. I have managed to get her back with her husband and for the last week she has been going to be gone every time she throws a fit. She keeps my grandson in the bedroom most of the day. He can't be eating a healthy diet even though there is a full pantry here. She worked for me 2 days a week until I realized that all of the money she was making was going in the pocket of the boyfriend. She is paying nothing to live here. She would get paid on Friday and couldn't put gas in her car on Monday. I also found out that the "boyfriend" was drug addicted and had a 21 count felony record at the age of 27. With her personality change, I cannot help but believe that my clean and healthy daughter got involved herself. There are times that I just cry because my grandson is treated so harshly and there are times that I confront her because I just can't stand her mouth any longer. I was threatened with calling the police this morning to get me under control. My next step was a call to the captain of my local PD. I too have been drained. I feel it more everyday. The 19 year old girl who sleeps in my daughter's old room is now a stranger to me and I want her out of my home. I to worry constantly about the treatment of my grandson. I have come to the conclusion that hopefully with the husband being back in her life that he can control the situation better. I know that beautiful baby boy is the center of his world as he should be. My beau is very adamant that he will not tolerate her abusive attitude toward me and has offered to handle the situation of he is ever here when it blows up. I cherish the days of peace and tranquility in my home and long for their return as quickly as possible. They are making arrangements to move into an apartment locally with some friends of theirs. I know in my heart the the arrangement won't last because of my daughter's mouth and abusive attitude. I never thought I would feel this way about one of my children as much as I love the 4 of them, but she has successfully managed to put the words, "I want her out of my house", on my lips and in my heart. I will be changing the locks on my house and there will not be an open door a second time I can assure you of that. I went through more than enough struggle and stress to raise the 4 of them as a single parent. I have given 33 years of my life away to taking care of them and providing a 2 income household on one salary. She is the youngest of the 4. My son's have grown into wonderful men, husbands and fathers. I had only wished as much for my daughter. I really do not believe God will think harshly of me for standing my ground in this and taking the rest of my life back to have peace for myself. I pray all is well with you and yours. I to apologize for being so long winded....See Moreproblems with 15 yr old step daughter
Comments (9)Oh my...this is tough...I know what I am about to say may get me some negative comments but I am prepared for them so here goes. If Dad won't set her straight, YOU need to do it. For 4 years I have been a stepmom to 3 while being a bio mom to 2 and I have gone to my DH the entire time begging him to help me hold the stepchildren accountable. I finally accepted last month that it was not going to happen. He is NOT going to step up. He may try for a day but most of what he actually does do is threaten a consequence and will not follow through. Honestly, my DH drives me crazy with his repeat warnings. He asks nicely for a child to clean their room...a few hours later when it's still trashed it's like "clean your room now!" They don't...so he says "I told you to clean your room now and if you don't you are going to be grounded!" They of course do nothing. Three days later he realizes that they never cleaned their room...so he starts the whole process over. When I remind him that he just told them they were going to have a consequence 3 days ago if they didn't do it, he just looks at me perplexed and says "But I didn't tell them yet TODAY." SS11's room is so disgustingly nasty that I worried about him playing and sleeping in there...so I gave up on DH and I laid down the law. This is my house, too. I don't need their room to be spotless but rotting food and dirty underwear all over the place is where I draw the line. BM sees them 4 days a month. DH says them about 30 minutes a day. I am the only thing that is constant in their lives and I'm done with waiting on DH and BM to be parents. So I look like the bad guy. Big deal. I am very lucky that my kids do tend to listen after having to face consequences consistently...so eventually they will conform... Just a few weeks ago I was mega concerned with always looking like the bad guy and my house was thoroughly trashed constantly. I came to a point where I was prepared to leave my DH because he just was not going to change. And forget BM siding with me on the nasty messes they were leaving. She would probably give them a high five for making messes that I had to clean. The day I realized that I had nothing to lose, I wised up and started being a disciplinarian. Things have changed in so many ways. Yea, I'm a little upset with DH that I have had to take over this role but that's okay for now...All 5 of the kids in this house suddenly have a sense of pride in making ME proud of them. I have never heard "Come and see how clean my room is!" more than I have in the last month...and of course they get praise every single time...Because of a change in behavior and meeting responsibilities, I have reintroduced night time snacks (special treat that I used to provide each and every night) and I hosted a sleepover with 3 of the kids friends over...Yes, EIGHT kids. I had 8 kids in my van, driving to the local civic center and to the store for snacks afterwards and kids were sleeping EVERYWHERE but the kids had a GREAT time. After their company left today, they cleaned the house up in better condition than it was the day before... Your SD needs consequences, guidance and tough love combined with praise and rewards for a job well done. If no one else is able to provide this, jump right in and take over it yourself. Of course, get DH's complete backing before you make this change...I had DH"s full support...it was easy enough to get...it meant he didn't have to do it! For 4 years, my fear was that the stepchildren would 1) tell mom on me for being parental and 2) tell mom lies and exaggerations about what was going on. I had to a adapt a "Who gives a damn?" attitude. If BM calls me and says "I hear you went through my daughter's clothes and took away all of spaghetti strap tops" I would just say "Yep. She just turned 14, and can't seem to learn how to wear them appropriately. I got tired of her showing half of her stuff and bending over in public where everyone could see everything she has so I took them and put them away. I also took the jeans that are too tight on her and the ones with holes in the rear end. You have a problem with that?" I have nothing to lose. My option is to leave...or go crazy. The kids NEED guidance and apparently BM and DH are too concerned with being a the "most popular parent." I won't be a pawn in this game because they are only hurting the kids...sadly they don't see that......See MoreThe Step Mom / Step Daughter Dynamic
Comments (29)Dyinginside, Your husband stated that it will end in divorce because of you and his daughter. one thing: HE SHOULD NOT DEFINE HIS MARRIAGE TO YOU ON THE BASIS OF HIS DAUGHTER . PERIOD. BIg red flag here. and to top it off he's not interested in going to counciling now????? I agree with sweeby, you have leverage, use it. You are in your parents home. If your husband thinks that is where its heading and he has made the decision to not change this direction, because he's the one who can change this or at least put his foot down and say to his daughter, she is my wife i love her , stop treating her like Sh*t, then there is only two things you can do. 1. Tellhim counciling now and work it out while being at the parents house. Cause counciling does cost and financially you'ld be in better position to do this... 2. If he insists on no counciling and stays.....tell him to leave with his daughter. My feelings on this: If i were under my parents roof, in this situation and my husband said, well i've spoken to my daughter and she still doesn't like ..and i guess if that is the way its going to be between you then i guess i'll have to divorce you....I would tell him, pack your bags now and leave with your daugther please. I would tell him , i know you love me and you love your daughter but if this is the way you think then its obvious you have chosen your path and you want your daughter and there is no sharing of you between me and her. Please have a wondering life and take care of yourself and yoru daughter...Give him time to pack up and go to a relative until he cna find an apartment. WHy muddle through a situation when your husband has obviously made a decision not to act and to pick his daughter? I know you are in love with him but maybe he needs to be alone with his daughter to form a relationship with her and he can't handle the both of you.ITs sad. unless you all go to counciling i dont think this will work. You will be left alone and resent not acting faster....See Moreasolo
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13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoasolo
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