When did our adult children become perfect?
alyce56
15 years ago
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estrangedgrammie
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
So when did hand me downs become out of favor
Comments (29)We do reuse and recycle many household items here too. My kids are all built differently so we don't hand down many clothes. I donate clothes in decent condition to the school or the thrift stores. People are funny about used things. It can be quite entertaining at times. I've run into people who wouldn't be caught dead shopping at a garage sale or thrift store. Those same people do shop antique stores and estate sales which are glorified garage sales at higher prices. Then there are those people who don't shop thrift stores because that is for poor people. That's laughable. Truly poor people probably couldn't afford the prices at some of the thrift stores. I shop there because I the thrill of the hunt and it is possible to find a bargain on some things, but usually not clothes. I live in one of those areas where people often overprice their garage sale clothes. I can buy new for less. Overall, my best clothes bargains usually come from the mall during the 75-90% off sales. I wouldn't be too offended because someone doesn't want your hand me downs. I've gotten offers before. Honestly, I just didn't want to deal with the extra work. Sometimes when you get clothes ahead, you're storing it for a while even possibly a couple of years. Sometimes less is more when you're trying to organize and manage a household....See MoreFor those whose adult children are estranged....
Comments (27)Hello, i'm new to this, but felt i really needed to reach out because i feel i'm at my darkest hour and i really need someone to tell me i'm not alone. I have two children, ages 19 (daughter) and 16(son), their father and i divorced 6 years ago, and under special circumstances, he was the primary guardian and i the secondary one. In 2007 i made the worst decision of my life, i had gotten remarried to someone in Jordan, i was only supposed to be there for three months. 1 year and a half later, i finally managed to escape and come back home. My ordeal in Jordan was severely traumatic, i was severely abused, tortured, and left for dead. I remember calling my ex-husband here in canada to help me because i knew i would die there if someone didn't get me out, what i got was 'you made your bed, you can lie in it, as for the children, if you ever want to see them again, you'll have to go through family court'. When i heard the dial tone i felt all was lost. Somehow, i made it back, the only thing keeping me alive everyday i was tortured was the thought of seeing my children again ( my children and i were extremely close before i left, and i never foresaw that my passport and all my ID would be taken,,). Once i came back i was in for a huge shock. In the time that i was gone, it didn't take long for my ex-husband to tell the children that i had chosen to stay and didn't want anything to do with them. They were so young, and he broke their hearts, i never knew any of this until i had come back. I came back in 2009 and i have tried everything, i was patient and i loved them without bounds, and over and over again i tried to prove myself to them, but the damage has been done. With all of this, i moved back with my parents and my children are with their father on a military base. They are only 4 hours away, but i am not to call, write, or even visit. My daughter has told me she wants nothing to do with me, as for my son, his father has told him he wants nothing to do with me, but that if he wants to he can. What child would ever go against their parent if they're the one with the money and house, etc.? I'm in school and am graduating in about 2 weeks. Once i get a salary, i'll be saving money to get my own place, etc. Not a night goes by where i don't cry or miss my children so much that the pain is killing me everyday, i really feel i have no purpose in life anymore, my children were my world, and they don't want to have anything to do with me, it's been like this since i left, but even worse since 2009. My daughter has openly admitted that she could not care if i lived or died and wants no communication from me, as for my son, he will not communicate at all, they have my phone number and email,,but nothing,,,i feel this pain will completely crush me and i have no idea what to do,,,the oeverwhelming hatred i feel for my ex is also wearing me out,,,i just want to know if things do get better as time goes by, and if it doesn't, how do i go on living when i hear their voices in my head from when they were young children all the time?...See MoreShould I let My Adult Children Go?
Comments (21)For Pamb100... isn't it a curious thing the power a sons wife may have? When they want to like you, they will...but when their honeymoon is over with hubby...his mom becomes mud...and they sling it off...i have watched this...i know it exists..to really good parents... I hope by 2013, you have mended some fences...but the DIL sounds like if she cannot have a mom, no one else will...i have had women tell me that they resented their MIL because their own moms were deceased... We all say..that we raise children to be independent, but we do not get any parental reward when a son feels it is easier to stay away from his family to keep his angry wife happy...and then we think...was it worth it..the whole journey...for me, it was not I have a lifetime of photos that I need to give my son, because I have no use in looking so far back...i have no idea why i have so many pictures...forget scrapbooks...it would be a painful thing to do...the sad thing is that my son is teaching his sons to do the same thing to them....and i feel sad about that...i don't wish that on my DIL... She will not always have a busy life...circumstances will turn...and they will have wives...women in their youth, cannot fathom what retirement and losing family to illness will make their older years... I have had cruel words filtered my way, indifference, neglectfulness and many hurts that may revisit her....my son just seems to be helpless...what do sons really do when their wife declares she does not his family...maybe like isn't the word...but she does not want to give us any time...should they divorce? So...you see...turning loose to the hope of the all american family may be the best thing you could do.. Feel lucky though...your spouse supports you in seeing the reality, mine has hidden his head in the sand...and it is devastating.......See MoreAdult Step children Uninvited to wedding???
Comments (22)I agree with Cat about the marriage situation. I think the adult children problem will work it self out. It maybe that they will never be close to you, does that bother you? If you love the man try to work out a solution. I really think in most cases the 'kiddies' are jealous. Just be sure to discuss it with him in a calm manner and let him know how you feel. Try to keep emotions in check and a trip to a professional does help. It does seem that many adult children are not very 'adult' at all. I met DH when I was 47 and we started a romantic relationship when I was 48. He had transferred from the state where his adult children lived and each year he would pay for 4 to 5 of them to come for a week or two vacation. This cost about $5000! For some strange reason it was always the same oldest daughter that came with her children. I stayed out of it and they were polite. Then he retired and I still worked, they expected the same trips, plus send one of hers to France on a school trip, another two of hers wanted to come each year at Christmas, all at our expense. He had been buying Christmas gifts for each grandchild (12) from a list they provided, plus giving all three of his daughters $300 for gifts and $100 each to shop for themselves. Can you spell guilt lol!!!!! And his 3 girls took advantage of it. I was paying the house payments and other bills and the oldest had the nerve to ask him who was getting the house when he died. I told him we could not afford all of this after he retired and he agreed. That's when they started to get nasty with me, they do not even say hello when I answer the phone and my name is never included on the cards. Of course, it was all my fault. I explained to them we didn't have the same amount of money as before. I guess to punish him they stopped calling, send no cards Christmas, Father's Day, or his birthday. This hurt him deeply and he talked to a counselor. After we had been together for 6 years and a Christmas without hearing from them I called one of his sisters and explained what was going on. I asked her if she thought I was out of line if I called them, she said no, that she thought they were selfish. I wanted until DH went to bed (3 hour time difference, we were later) and I e-mailed one and told her how disappointed I was that as big of a family as he has not one of them could call him on Christmas or the other holidays. I said I would send her the pre stamped cards if that was the problem. I had the phone number for the oldest and I called her. I politely and calmly told her the same thing. She started screaming at me so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear. She said everything was fine until I came along, he was retiring in their state until he met me. They all 3 did send cards the next holiday so it was worth it. They will not come to visit unless we pay for it. It is not that they can't afford it. We moved to a small area and they say there is nothing to do here. Doesn't visit your father count???? When we send gifts we never get a thank you and DH will call to see if they received the gift. The last time I embroidered 4 burp cloths and we mailed the gift. We had been invited to the shower in another state, but no one sent a thank you or even bothered to send a birth announcement. I told him this hurt my feelings and I would no longer make personal gifts for them. If he sends a gift it's up to him. We have discussed the situation and we met with an attorney and had all papers drawn up and the house is in both our names. It finally came to an understanding for him when his oldest called us last year and was telling him she had to put the kids school clothes on credit cards. I did fell a little sorry for her. 3 months later he receives a post card from Italy, she was on a 2 week vacation with her boy friend. His chin fell to the floor, but now he understands his daughter perfectly!!!!! His brothers and sisters treat me very well, but I did let him visit last year alone when his brother was in hospice so he could visit his children without the tension of ME lol!!!!...See Moreestrangedgrammie
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