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being an estranged child

Posted by cloudsgrey (My Page) on
Mon, Dec 23, 13 at 1:51

Being an estranged child, makes me feel alienated from my family. I am an adult now and am 34. I feel as though I can change this, if maybe I lived up to more of my families expectations. And why! Why are there always expectations?! I don't like feeling estranged.

I want to tell my story of how it got this way because I want to help some parents of those who have children who are estranged from them. My story may make sense to some, but to others, some may take it harsh. I know there is a logical reason children in my age range feel this way, and younger children do not And I'll get into that too. I know it might have something to do with how my parents grew up, and yours, and how maybe kids my age now are raising children. Anyway things are a time warp. The way I was raised, absolute no affection. The way my parents were raised was to grow up fast. The way I was loved was to be given something and shut up. I see my parents doing the same thing to my niece and nephew. I see my brother and his wife hugging and kissing their children, changing children now, love, and abandonment.
Do you know teachers make sure to let parents know their children may have a learning disability or have learning enhancements.
Did you know that my mother had no idea that my school put me into the lower reading class and lower math class. I was in the lower excelled classes k-6 and she never knew. The school never told her I had a learning disability. Of corse it is not anyones fault, although I have had conversations with my mother and she has had revelation of 'why did I never know.' My father never knew why it was so frustrating doing homework with me. Bad grades were just out of laziness, so was the excuse. My mother never let me wear what I wanted until the 5th grade. I hated her. Who does that? i never felt comfortable in anything she put me in for example now, children pick out anything they want to wear, they are these little creative spirits.
Estrangement. In a way I am glad to read you are feeling the pain of estrangement.
It's not because I think you were like my mother or father, but because i realize that the pain goes both ways. Let your child be the way they are and don't expect them to change. I know though that they really wish that the estrangement wasn't there and you two could start over, child and parent relationships are I think the most complicated relationship there can ever be.

This post was edited by cloudsgrey on Mon, Dec 23, 13 at 2:58

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: being an estranged child

Cloudsgrey, I'm so sorry you are in this position. It must be terribly hard to be an estranged child.

Bipolar disorder is an illness or biological disorder, like cancer. It can't be caused by lack of love and it can't be fixed by more love. I know very loving, caring, wonderful parents who have children with bipolar disorder. Families can definitely be supportive, but they can't "fix" the disorder by loving their children more.

I think I understand where you are coming from regarding the difference between how children were raised in the past and how they're raised now. In my childhood experience school things were handled at school by the teachers and parents were mostly out of the loop. Children were disciplined by being paddled. Nowadays there is much more cooperation and communication between teachers and parents. There is earlier diagnosis and intervention when children have learning disabilities. However, children and adults with bipolar disorder often still struggle, despite having loving parents and early intervention.

The people I know who have bipolar disorder and have functional, happy lives are taking their meds religiously and making sure they do all their follow-up medical care without fail and on time. I don't know a lot about bipolar disorder, but I suspect like most disorders, there's a spectrum, so some people have more symptoms than others even if they do everything they're "supposed" to do.

If you have a local chapter of NAMI, you might try calling them to see if they have resources that can help. There is hope for people suffering from bipolar disorder.

RE: being an estranged child

Since you are currently living with your parents... how can you say you are estranged?

RE: being an estranged child

Well I feel like I am not apart of the family, not like they don't want me, just that I mess things up and make things harder for everybody which makes me feel inferior.

RE: being an estranged child

Well, that's the bipolar talking. Don't listen to it, listen to your family.

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