I guess I qualify as an OB now although I didn't start out that way. We wound up firing our contractor halfway through the job due to his massive incompetence and dishonesty. It then took us several months to convince our bank to let us finish the job ourselves rather than risking getting involved with another crooked builder. Being a general contractor is far more about project management than it is about construction. The GC lines up sub-contractors, makes sure they show up and do the work they're supposed to, handles paperwork, and makes sure everybody gets paid when they're suppoesed to be paid. Many GCs probably couldn't hammer a nail in straight if they had to. To be a GC you need business skills and project management skills, and you need to know (or be willing to find out) what a construction job should look like when it is finished. It helps in dealing with subs to learn the lingo but you don't have to be able to hammer, saw, hang sheetrock, run electrical lines, or anything else. If you OB, plan to spend at least 20 hours per week and possibly more than that on the job. I just WISH we had just gone the owner-builder route right from the start. Neither DH nor I have any construction experience whatsoever but we had looked into being our own general contractors before we hired our builder. We even took a class on building your own home but then decided that we just didn't have the necessary time to devote to the task. Was that a mistake! I had done my homework and had spent a huge amount of time on this board before we ever broke ground - so I had a good idea of what to look for in quality work. It quickly became evident that my builder didn't have a clue and apparently he couldn't have cared less. His subs were obviously the cheapest he could find and often, I suspect, were undocumented day laborers. They didn't follow installation specifications for installed materials like Tyvek sheathing, my Jeld-wen windows, or the roofing shingles. I know because when things didn't look right to me, I got the specs from the manufacturers and checked their work myself. They also often didn't follow building codes - which I found out because I had put it in my contract that I would separately hire a third-party inspector to inspect all stages and that any work not meeting code would have to be redone at the builder's expense. The framer hired by my builder used I-beam trusses between the first and second floors instead of the open-web trusses I had specified. The framing was completed while I was out of town for two weeks and by the time I got back, the house was already sheathed and the roofer had started work. So it was too late (eg., economically unfeasible) to make the builder have the entire roof and second floor taken down so that the right trusses could be put in. My plans called for the HVAC units and all ductwork to be within the heated/cooled envelope of the house. When I demanded that my builder check with his engineer to ensure that holes could be cut through the i-beams large enough to accomodate the HVAC ducts, he assured me that would be "no problem." That was a lie. Even the holes that had to be cut through the i-beam trusses for plumbing drain lines weakened them enough that my third-party inspector insisted that extra trusses be installed to bear part of the load. No doubt putting those in was a major expense that the builder had to eat. There was no way HVAC ductwork could be run between the floors as designed. Instead, the HVAC units were put in the unairconditioned attic along with massive amounts of flexible ductwork. Instead of an attic that could someday be finished out to add a couple more bedrooms, I have two big HVAC units and what looks like a massive silver spiderweb totally filling the attic space. I also lost closet space in all my bedroom closets because ductwork chases down to the first floor had to be put somewhere. When I exploded about the lost usable square footage and the additional on-going costs associated with having the HVAC and ductwork up in the attic (we live in central Texas!) my builder tried to tell me that EVEN IF the framer had used open-web trusses, the ductwork still would not have been able to be run through the trusses and that "everybody puts HVAC units in the attic." DUH? Open web trusses are designed to allow ductwork and plumbing to be run them!! Had the man NEVER read anything about energy efficient building practices? Nope. He just trusted that his framer - who hardly spoke English - knew what he was doing. Despite all this, my builder kept telling me that he was a "professional" and that I should just relax and let him do his job. HAH! I can't think of a single task that ever he actually handled completely correctly from start to finish. Then, shortly after the HVAC units were installed, I got hit with a $54,000 lien because builder had not paid for my windows and patio doors even though he had been given draw money specifically for that purpose! That lien was immediately followed up by threats of two smaller liens from two other subcontractors (the portapotty provider and the exterior paint contractor)! And the builder admitted he didn't have the money to pay any of the three. At that point I was more than ready to fire him but my bank insisted that I could NOT do so. We paid off the liens and the unpaid subcontractors and I took over handling ALL monies and paying the subcontractors and suppliers directly instead of having draws go to the builder to pay them. No more money was going to flow into the builder's hands until my house was completed, at which point anything that was still left of the original contract price would be his "profit." By that point, the only thing the builder was doing was hiring subs and ordering materials. I was paying a third party inspector separately to check all work that I didn't feel competant to inspect myself. I was handling all the paperwork and making sure everybody got paid. But then the kicker... I discovered that builder was having materials delivered to my build - which I was paying for - and then having his subs (whom I was also paying!) move them to a spec house that he was building and install them there. I had had enough. I fired him. After taking over as GC, I had to spend as much time/effort on UNDOING some of the mistakes he made as on moving forward to finish the build. And the money he wasted/stole from us has forced us to cut back on the level of finishes that we had originally planned to have. My advice: Go take a course on building your own home. Spend time reading and learning everything you can about the building process. Learn the language. If you are reasonably intelligent and willing to devote the time, you CAN build your own home. Plus, there are businesses (Owner-Builder Network and UBuildIt.com are two that I know about although I've not used either one) that will help you by providing you with pre-vetted lists of sub-contractors and guiding you step by step through the process. If your state or your bank requires you to have a licensed builder, these organizations will be the builder-of-record for you. Of course they charge a fee for their services. I don't know how much but it is significantly less than a builder's profit margin. You can also hire a third-party inspector to make sure that you're getting everything built to code. Just make sure that all your subcontractors know that they don't get paid until your third party inspector signs off that the work is up to code. I designed my plan myself and I would love to see the house built as designed. The house we are in the process of finishing will eventually be "okay" but it will never be the house I dreamed of. So there is some chance that when we get this house built we will sell it and rebuild the same design in a new location. But next time I will definitely OB from the get go.

I'm back! And there are so many responses here and I'm limited for time, so I can't respond to everyone individually. However, kswl, thanks for the info on that program -- you have to be over 21 to apply. He's only 20. Also, he is so focused on post-production, I don't think the AD role is necessarily for him. Thank you, though! And thanks to everyone else. Red lover, our kids sound somewhat similar! Briefly -- my DS was basically kicked out of kindergarten by our very rigid public elementary school principal. He went to a therapeutic elementary school til he was 12, then a nightmarish middle school, and finally a "regular" private high school that was open to kids w/ learning differences. When he was in kindergarten the dr. we saw thought he had Aspergers. In 1st grade, when he was in the therapeutic school, they said no way is he on the autism spectrum, but he has a general anxiety disorder. It wasn't until HS that he was diagnosed with ADD, and at the time, THAT dr. said the anxiety was probably brought on by the ADD. Finally, after he dropped out of college we saw yet another highly-regarded dr. who diagnosed him with the executive functioning disorder and said he could have told us that college would be a disaster. Well, thanks. Okay, so that is the very short story of his life. We are really lucky that he decided at age 13 that he had a passion and has stuck to it all this time. And also lucky that we have found (college level) educational programs that have been fantastic experiences for him. Anyway, here is what we've decided to do -- baby steps. I can't remember if I already said this, but once he started working a bit, we told him transportation costs are now up to him. So that was one small step. (He does not have a car and uses the bus and/or train or subway to get everywhere -- fortunately all are nearby, and we live close to Boston). As of Jan. 1, he will start paying his cell phone bill. It is on a family plan so he will pay his portion to us. It's a basic, inexpensive plan, maybe $30 or something. (DH pays the bill so I'm not 100% sure.) Then, next step will be rent, as of April 1 probably. It won't be high. Maybe $50 a month. I think my goal is mainly to get him to understand that he has to start getting used to paying bills (i.e., the not-fun stuff) first, then figure out what he has left over for the fun stuff. But I like the idea someone had of increasing it every 3 or 6 months. And if he is unable to pay these bills on the money he has coming in from film/video work, then yes, we have talked about the fact that he may have to get some kind of night job to supplement his income. He was open to it, but he hasn't made any steps toward doing it. The big problem with a kid like him is that he can talk the talk, but he doesn't (or can't) walk the walk! We can sit with him and talk about all the things he should do, and he says, Oh yes, good idea, I'll do that... and then it never happens. We have been trying to have "meetings" with him on a regular basis so we can check in and remind him of his to-do list. One good thing that's been happening is that he has hooked up with these two guys who graduated from the film program he also graduated from -- they are both older, one in his mid-late 20s and one in his early 30s -- who are in the beginning stages of putting together a production company, and they want him on board as much as possible. He has done one music video with them for an up-and-coming (according to DS) hip hop band -- DS did some camera work and the editing -- and this weekend is starting work on another video for another band. DS is really into music, so I have often thought music video work would be right up his alley. Anyway, who knows where this could lead. These guys seem to be real go-getters. Also, he did another project for this woman who turned out to be really difficult, gave him incorrect instructions that led to him having to talk to a TV person out in CA to sort things out, and then her check (to pay him) bounced! The good news about that mess is that I overheard his conversations with both the client and the TV person, and he was so professional. So -- he's certainly not a hopeless case. It is hard -- and has always been hard -- to figure out what he is and is not capable of. You talk to him and he is SO smart and articulate that it's easy to forget that he has a lot of wires crossed in that brain of his! And for those who asked about therapy. Yes, we are actually in the process of finding a new psychiatrist as the last (current) one turned out to be kind of a dud, and he is located too far from us to be convenient. My son's PCP gave us a list of names and I consulted with DS over which one he wanted to try -- there was a woman, an older man, and a younger man, and he felt that he could relate best to the younger guy, so I'm calling him this week. We have also seen an executive functioning specialist in the past, but after several weekly meetings, DS refused to go because she was "condescending." He's at the age where we can offer help, but we can't force him to accept it. Every so often we remind him that we are willing to pay for that kind of help if he wants it... This was longer than I intended but I wanted to fill in some of the blanks. Thanks again for all of your thoughtful input.

Deb, I'm not exactly sure of all your circumstances, but I'll try to offer some Land Surveyor advice as it applies here in Illinois. How long has your neighbor lived in the house? In Illinois, adverse possession can be an issue after 20 years. If she has openly and notoriously maintained and believed that part of the yard in question is hers, she may have an basis for an argument. This is something a Land Surveyor really can't determine - only a lawyer. As far as granting access to her parcel from yours, you really don't have to do this unless her parcel was landlocked and your parcel had senior rights over her parcel. In other words, her parcel was split off from yours and was completely surrounded by other parcels, where access to and from couldn't be accomplished unless crossing someone else's land. Usually an ingress/egress easement is written for access. Property issues are never easy. You can usually get 10 different surveyors to generally agree, but then get 10 lawyers to thoroughly confuse the courts to a point where they believe white is black and the sun rises in the west. Make sure you have a valid, signed and sealed (in the state which you live in) survey from a reputable surveyor who is familiar with the area. You could offer her to hire an independent survey done, but it sounds like she isn't too open to communication. Be sure to save all of your emails with the neighbor. It sounds like you will probably need them later on.

Silly me originally posted this in the wrong thread: Message to self, COFFEE first, then, post!!!: My MW is currently on the counter in an inconvenient spot since the door opens the wrong way. But it is in the least inconvenient spot in order to maximize what remains of my counter space for everything else. It would be even more inconvenient to put it anywhere else in my kitchen - under counter for me at six foot one is a total non-starter - my dishes wouldn't go there, either. And there'd be only one space to attach it under an upper cabinet (other than OTR), which would be as inconvenient as its current location - since the builder of this kitchen was enamored with 12-inch wide uppers. In my future kitchen, the MW (bought for $60 on sale at HD a couple years ago) will sit out on the counter at the right end of the countertop depicted below. I will have plenty of territory for it, and for the George Foreman and the toaster oven, which will space themselves out on this counter as well. I don't mind seeing appliances of this nature out where they can be useful. (I am, however, sick of seeing my oils, vinegars, and soy sauces out on my counters, which where I am now, I am seriously stuck with seeing due to lack of space inside anything.) Anyhow, while the MW will not be near the fridge, this will fit with the way I use my MW. I use it for heating tea water, re-heating coffee or leftovers, and occasionally I use it for one of the several ways I prepare asparagus. I never use it to melt butter or to COOK with (even frozen veggies - I toss those into a pot of hot water and go to town on the range, and now that I will be using an induction cooktop, this will be even faster...), other than that occasional asparagus prep. I don't like popcorn, so I don't even do that. Plates are immediately above where the MW will be (on the right there), and silverware in the drawer immediately below. (All one step from the DW on the peninsula you can't see.) I'll nuke, grab, and step around the peninsula to sit at the dining table to consume. (Or take it outside if the weather permits.) So, basically, where you put it depends entirely on how you plan to use it, how many people might be needing it, and occupant / user heights. I figure countertop is good if I ever get wheelchair bound, as for now under-counter for me will NOT be efficient. Those drawer, top loading ones are too pricy considering I use mine on the average of once, maybe twice, a week. Due to my usage style, keeping mine OUT of the primary prep zone is essential. PS: clutter present in the photo is GC stuff. He's allowed to do that right now... :)