| I think I *would* say something. He's saying, over and over, and over, and they are NOT listening to him. Be your nephew's mouth for him. If you say it, maybe they'll listen to you. You might leave out the part about whether they should DO something, and just make comments about how HE feels. Can't you say, "He seems to really not enjoy it. I have to say, I wouldn't either, to be in such a physical game with people who are bigger." And a week later, "he still doesn't like hockey, hm? He's been going to lessons for how long? Even after two months, he still hates it so much?" Just sort of observations about his enjoyment, his state of mind, etc. Maybe they'll finally SEE it if someone else points it out. I know w/ my sister, I could sit her down and say, "please listen to my point of view--remember that I love and admire you and BIL, and I love my nephew. I don't HAVE my own agenda, because he's not my kid. I'm totally and only HIS advocate here. He's miserable. He's in danger of getting hurt. It's not fun for him; it's constantly scary. Are you truly SEEING what his time is like out on the ice? Do you realize how much of HIS day, and how much of YOURS, it messes up? He's crabby before, miserable during, crabby after. Please pay attention to what he is trying to tell you. "Give the kid a break--don't make him do this until he's physically ready. And, if you ARE going to make him do this, they for god's sake, do something to HELP him. Talk to the coach; make him stop that other kid. Get your son some ice time w/o the bigger kids around so he can solidify his skills!" My sister would initially be affronted and a teeny bit pissed. But she would think about what I said. She also would not get SO mad that it would permanently ruin our relationship, esp. if I didn't keep nagging her and revisiting the situation. And if I didn't try to say "I'm the expert on being a parent" but instead said "I'm a set of eyes with no "mom and dad's pride and expectations" filter." And I would know that at least I had said something. Only a very FEW times have I said something like this to her. I don't try to tell her "parenting truths" or "marriage truths" either; I just say, "in this situation, this is what it looks like to me, an outsider. These are the values I know you hold, and this doesn't match." Because i'm not always butting in w/ my 2¢, she listens when I give her a quarter. And geez, can't they talk to the COACH? What's he doing, letting this bigger boy repeatedly and deliberately knock this kid down? At the very least, suggest that to your sis! And, why isn't the COACH saying, "your son is so much smaller that he's not getting the chance to learn how to use his body wisely; he's just trying so hard to stay in the game. Give him at least another year." And, if you decide it would start WW3 if you said something, can YOU take your nephew out skating, so his basic skating skills get better? And maybe so he gets a chance to just enjoy skating, and see if he likes it? Poor kid--what a message to get from your mom and dad: "I don't care if you're scared, or if someone continually hurts you. You have to do what I say anyway." That's not a great way to make your kid trust you! Activities like hockey are supposed to be at the very least mildly fun! Most things, I just bite my tongue on. (though frankly, most of the time I don't even do that, I just notice that we approach stuff differently). But I think the fact that he's very likely to be scared, and that this is also setting the tone, very early in their relationship with him, about how much he can trust their judgment, and how much he can trust them to keep him SAFE. I just read an essay by Wayne Gretzky; it's in a book called "raising boys" or something. He says, if your kid doesn't want to play hockey, let him go ride his bike! Wayne sez he played hockey all day long, when his friends wanted to do something else, because he LOVED it. | 
