VERY good ideas Sweeby.

DD had gotten a email from the "woman" friend of EX that lives in Ca....we don't know that she exist with the details that she is presented with.....I mean it could be anyone sending the emails, even EX. The email said that they hadn't been able to locate him since early morning. DD knows something is going on but she did not respond to the email....this is the second one that she has received and not responded to.

I have talked to her about what would happen if he actually did kill himself. She said that she would be devastated of course. I asked her that she had to know that it has nothing to do with her and she isn't responsible for what he does? She says that she understands that and the worst part would be that all of his friends would attack her and blame her for it......I feel that should it happen I would get her into counseling right away.

I have talked to her about him possibly trying to get her into a car. I told her to fight to he death right where she stood. We bought mace for her and an air horn.

If he should kill himself the "woman" would let DD know and we would get a call from the landlord. If it happens I'll switch phones with her for a while to handle the calls from his friends. They should be getting sick of this by know.......we haven't seen his jeep in the parking lot since Christmas afternoon. This is when the new suicide deal started. The car could have been repossessed. DH says that lights have been on and off and blinds open.......over and out for now.

Believer, is it possible that he has put a keylogger on her computer, and that is how he found the new email addy, and is possibly tracking her net moves?

Believer,

Is there any news? Has anybody heard from him?

The last day that we heard anything about him was on the 27th. Unless DD has received an email today and I haven't heard about it she hasn't heard anything. I have thought about calling the landlord to touch base but it has been so nice to not have to talk about him that I'm not sure I want to do that.

It is sad but I have been checking the obituaries daily.

Since I contacted his friend and told him to lay off of my DD it has been completely quiet. It has only been three days though and the pattern has been that things would be quiet for a couple of days and then it would start up again.

DH checked out the parking lot of EX's apartment and there was a different car in the spot that he usually parks in. That could mean several things.....he could have gotten another car.....they might not have assigned parking places........he may not have shown up since Christmas......he could have been evicted, which is something that the landlord would have called us about I think. I would not be surprised if he just left town.

I am extremely curious about what is going on but I will not contact any of his friends or his pastor because it would get back to him and he would think that whatever he is doing or has done is working and DD is back in his life.

I would think that the pastor would refrain from telling him that you inquired about him, if you asked him not to say anything. I would really want to know where he is and not be lulled into a false sense of security.

"I would really want to know where he is and not be lulled into a false sense of security."

Me too -- Can you think of any way to find out?
Frankly, knowing the landlord is on your side, asking him might be the best thing.

OK - This is is way out there... But what about reading the water meter at his apartment for a couple of days to see if there's any movement? Not YOU obviously, but maybe the landlord would do it?

I would also think that the pastor would keep your confidence if you asked him to. ESPECIALLY if you explained about the stalking and suicide threats - old and new. The pastor will surely want to help Ex (and your DD) and can be made to realize that leting Ex know you asked would be harmful to them both.

Ok....(deep breath here)...I just got off of the phone with the landlord. He went to court and got an eviction notice for EX. It will be served to EX asap with possible delays due the Holiday but it was granted. EX was present, he was late but he did show. The landlord thought that he showed up with a sheriff or deputy. EX asked to speak to the judge and told the judge that he had been in a mental health crisis facility and was going to be able to pay the rent due to a church paying it for him. The judge issued the order anyway.

The landlord said that he would let me know where EX would be relocating but that I was not to let anyone know how I got the info. ( here I am posting it on the Internet...yikes!) Seems next to impossible for EX to get to this site and who cares anyway at this point. By the way, what is a keylogger and how do you do that?......EX has to leave some sort of forwarding address if he wants his belongings back should he not take them with him when he is evicted.

One of the other tenants had called the landlord to say that EX was in the apartment on Saturday which was after the big "No body has seen him or heard from him and he left a suicide note on Christmas Day." thing. I'm sure that EX was shocked when DD didn't respond to it. I never told her about although the friend of his did come into her work.

I continue to pray for this man. There is no way to know if this is the bottom for him and if he will improve psychologically. I don't even know if he has been down this particular path before. He may have. I hate to even think about him. I am not a hard hearted person even though I can be a real you know what. I hate thinking that he has had such a childhood....if that is even true. I want him to be healthy and move on with his life in a good way. More than that I want my daughter to be able to move on with her life without his shadow always following her. I do understand that he may be around for a long time in one way or another and we will do our best to keep up with him.

I am going to tell DD about he suicide thing now and let her know about the eviction. I trust that she will not get involved any further. She knows now that made a big mistake in calling him that day. She said she feels like such a fool. He really played her for money during the last part of the relationship. They would go to do something and he would say that he had left his atm card at home, didn't have cash etc and she would end up paying. He even went so far as to reserve a hotel room for her and friends, out of town, when she went to a show for school. When they all got there it wasn't paid for like he said it was going to be and she had to shell out 300 bucks. We had just paid off her credit card so that she wouldn't be doing the interest thing and he did that. I told her that when her bill comes to let me know and I would put extra on it. I don't believe in keeping secrets from DH but this time I am going to make an exception. He would be sooooo pissed about the hotel room and I don't want anymore stress between us. I now have her card.

So.....again that is the latest. Will this ever end?

Just told DD about the suicide note on Christmas and the info from the landlord. I asked her if she wanted to be kept abreast of things and she said only if she asks. I told her that was fine and she should know that I would be doing my best to keep track of him behind the scenes. Any advice on how to do that would be greatly appreciated.....She and I are going to go shopping and spend some of that Christmas money!!!!!!!

To try to answer your question - I'm not a techie: if EX had access to a computer that she uses (desk or laptop) at your home, he could have put a spyware program on it that tracks keystrokes hence the name 'key logger'. The program intermittently sends the information to the tracker (EX) that shows everything typed, including usernames and passwords. If you think he had access to a computer she uses, lets deal with it.

jessf

I asked DD if she ever took her laptop over to his apartment and left the room or gave him any time a lone with it. She said that he never had internet access nor did he ever have a computer. When ever he uses one he goes to a library.

I know that it is necessary to keep track of him and I felt that I had to call the landlord but since doing that he is all that we are thinking about and talking about. I hate it. I have to get to where I can deal with the current status of things and then let it go.

DD and I did go shopping together tonight and we talked about it off and on. It was good to spend time with her outside of the house and away from the family. I don't get to do that very much any more.

I'm glad you told her about the suicide note, and since he's still alive, he clearly didn't do it. That should make it easier for her to resist the next time he tries it...

Hopefully, the 'mental health crisis facility' will actually help him -- though they probably don't have the time or resources to care about any more than "will he kill himself next week".

The landlord said that he thought the center followed the twelve step type program. I am not familiar with that but he said that they would encourage EX to contact all of the people that he offended or hurt and apologize plus let them know what had driven him to behave the way he did. (his childhood situation) Landlord's opinion wasn't very high of that practice saying that he felt it encouraged the offender to not feel responsible for their own actions. I hope in saying this that I am not misrepresenting what landlord has said. He has been a great help to us. I do not want to offend anyone here that has been through a 12 step program either. I told DD not to be surprised if EX tried to contact her if he was encouraged to apologize. I just want her to be prepared, don't want to scare her but I don't want her to be surprised either.

Believer,
You, DD and entire family are in my prayers. I wanted to mention a few things that (might) be helpful info? I am not sure
Depending on the state of residence, most cellphones connect to the highway patrol when 911 is dialed. This can actually delay helpbeing recieved as the HP has to ask for the probelm, them location. The call is then routed to the local departent that would handle the emergency. In a situation like you are living under, those seconds are going to count.
I was a Girl Scout Leader and the local PD had me teach all my scouts to program the local pd number into cell phones by putting the number 1 then city name with NO SPACES (ie 1LASVEGAS PD), then any subsequent frequently visited cities (ie 2Boulder PD, ect) This way the numbers appear at the very top of the contact list and are easier to locate.
As to the 12 step program, created by AA founders, the program actiually is veryu beneficial to someone who has made a concious commitement to better their life and free themself from addiction ( any type, not just alcohol) the 'apology' portion, for people you have harmed is actually the 9th step. The step directs making amends to anyone you have harmed, unless such an amends will cause harm to them or others.
I was unfamiliar with the program until we found out DD 18 had become addicted to meth. She has been using this program for 22 months with much sucess (except for when it comes to her taste in men!)
I have to honestly say that even being a 'normie' (non-addict, I have started foloowing the program just to become more peaceful within my own heart and have found that I am a much happier person! That of course is just my personal experience, but did want to share.
I hope that things stay at a low simmer, and you and family are able to enjoy the rest of the holiday.
Blessings
Beverly
for infoon the 12 step program, here is a helpful link
http://www.12step.org/

auntdiggie,

Thank you so much for the info. I will talk with my daughter when I can to pass it on and see that she gets things set up for the quickest possible response.

Thank you also for the link about the 12 step program. I will definitely check that out. It would cause harm in our situation for EX to contact DD or us. Just the thought of coming face to face with him gives me the chills. I can't imagine how DD would feel. I am hoping that he will be evaluated by someone that deals with a criminal mind set. My concern is that he will be able to BS his way through it all. I continue to pray for him that he will have a complete turn around in his life. Even with that I don't ever want to see him again and I would not personally believe anything he said.

"She said that he never had internet access nor did he ever have a computer. When ever he uses one he goes to a library. "

Um, that *is* internet access. And it's obvious his "friends" have a computer and internet access as well. doesn't mean they'll let him use it to "spy", but you never know.

About the hotel; did he have access to her CC, or has he just memorized the number and exp date?
I'd take the computer in and have it checked out for spyware just in case. You might be surprised at what you find on there.

littledog....I am aware off what internet access is. I just meant that he didn't have the service in his apartment and did not have access to her lap top.

He has not memorized her CC number and exp. date. He was just lucky she had it with her at the times when he knew he wasn't going to pay. She admitts that she feels like the biggest fool in the world but I won't rub that into her.

Having the computer checked for spy-ware is an interesting idea. I may do that.

I would like to know how much he has scammed his friends. There were times when she came to his aid and couldn't understand why they ( 2 guys ) wouldn't. She said that she figured one guy would stick by him for a long time and I told her that when the friend realizes that it is costing him too much of himself he might jump ship. That is why there are professionals to deal with things. They don't get emotionally involved.

Just a quick note to let you all know that things are quiet here. We have heard nothing since I contacted the EX's landlord. Have not heard from the landlord either.....There have been no further emails from the the "woman" friend of his. That is very interesting. I do not know if EX is in an inpatient facility but if he is that would explain why the "woman" friend has not been emailing my DD. She would also be in the facility!!!! To strange!

Enjoying the quiet for now.

A thought just came to me.....EX isn't working, has no benefits.....how would it work for him to be getting treatment? Who pays for that?

Hi Believer,
Not sure of your state but in California, there is Indigents insurance that I believe can cover mental. If your local PD 5150'd him, they will probably cover it through medi-cal, so lucky everyone foots the bill :)
Barring that, they may just bill him.
Glad things are quiet for a change.
Enjoy the peace

There's an interesting article in the New York Times about abuse and teenage dating. Apparently states and local jurisdictions are beginning to realize how serious, and dangerous, the problem is and are changing attitudes and local laws to deal with these issues.

I hope your daughter is safe and doing better. You are clearly working hard to make your home a place of safety and refuge.

Here is a link that might be useful: Abuse and teenage dating

DD received another email from the "woman". This time a different email address. Says she is emailing from a friends house. The conversation that I had with the EX's friend is mentioned in detail. Either the friend talked to her like she said he did in the email and told her every thing that I said or the friend that I talked told EX every thing. The "woman" goes into great detail explaining the charges that were brought against EX and what he served time for. She says she is in the legal field, secretary or some thing. I told daughter not to respond but to forward it to me.

DD receives a comment on myspace saying that "he has seen her at her job, comes in there a lot and works down the street from her at so and so." She calls so and so to see if a guy works there and they say no.

I told her to not post any thing on my space. She needs to become invisible.

believer, how is everything going? Give us an update, I worry about your family as I am sure several others do.

missd 2008

Things are quite. We haven't seen him nor heard from him in a while.

We received a phone call a day or so ago that he had been served his eviction notice and was out of the apartment that is just 5 blocks from us. When the landlord asked for a forwarding address EX said that he would go to Omaha ( about an hour from us ) for a while. That is where his good friend lives. He said he would probably head back to North Carolina, which is were he is from. I think he has played this game so I really couldn't say where he will end up. I don't know how one goes about driving half way across the US with no money. Perhaps he will milk another church for the gas money. Who knows.

I have been sick the last few days with the flu and a terrible episode of my sciatica....thus not posting for a couple of days. Still don't feel the best but better at least.

I hope we have heard the last from him. I think he may have accepted that he and DD are finished and is moving on but who knows for sure what he is thinking.

Sorry to hear you have been sick. I hope you get to feeling better. I also hope he is out of your life but don't let your guard down. Take care.

Believer,
I am so sorry that you have had the flu. I has passed through our house also and is miserable. Take it easy for a few days, you dont want it sneaking back.
Hopefully he will find a church to give him the money, that would truly be a Blessing!
As missd_2008 says, dont let your guard down, and make sure DD doesnt either!
Hugs

DD and I talked about him being evicted and what he told his landlord about going to Omaha and then onto North Carolina. She and I agree that he is probably staying in Lincoln. She has pepper spray now, changed her cell phone number and email address and is not responding when the so called "woman" does email her at the new address. I even bought her a new coat since the one she had was white and I felt it made her stand out more. I bought her a black one and now she blends into the crowd more.

After something like this I don't know that you can ever feel really safe. I think we will always have him on our minds and look for him. At least now we all are more careful about things so in that respect he has done us a favor so to speak. I promise not to let my guard down and I will make it my mission to continue to educate myself and my kids.

Well, haven't heard from you in several days, here is hoping that all is till peaceful for you and your family.

Missd 2008

I am pleased to report that I have nothing new to report! :o) All is quiet.

We are always on the watch....no false sense of security.

No emails have been sent by the "woman" that was harassing DD either. I will not be surprised to have something pop up though. When you go through something like this you look for the face in the crowd all of the time. I am content at the moment to not do any digging to see where he might be. I don't think he will be easily found. I don't want to talk to his friend. I don't trust anyone connected to him. I don't think the ex will leave much of a trail unless he gets in trouble with the law. I am not ruling out hiring someone in the future to find him though.

I have been in extreme pain lately with my sciatic nerve disorder and heavily medicated. I don't like to post too much at these times because I don't want to sound as though I've taken a "trip" without leaving the farm. Today I am trying to move as little as possible. Thanks for being concerned for us. It helps me to keep my eyes more open.

Glad to hear he is leaving you alone for awhile. Sad to hear you have been feeling so bad. You are in my prayers.

Thank you missd....my condition disabled me in 1999. Every once in a while I have a reprieve and can do things but most of the time I have to limit myself quite extensively. Trying to act like a "normal" person during the Holidays always takes it's toll.

My prayers are with ex too.....I pray he gets help. His life will never be anything but what it has been and worse if he doesn't get help.

Hello All.....I was hopeful that I would not have to add to this saga but not surprised that I have to. EX was seen tonight at DD's job. He had parked his car next to hers in the parking lot and was out of his car, walking around hers and looking in all of the windows. One of her fellow employees was outside for a cigarette break and saw him. When EX noticed that he had been spotted he got into his car and left.

DD called me from work to tell me. I told her that she needs to carry her pepper spray every time she left a building to go to a car. I told her that she needs to figure he is close at hand even if she doesn't see him or no one else does. How many times has he been that close to her property or to the house and no one knew? My DH's truck was keyed just the other day. Makes you wonder who did that?

That's the latest ladies.....I'm sure that none of you are too surprised.

When the co-worker saw him he needed to call the police. Seriously, no one near your daughter has the luxury of giving this guy a free ride anymore. Report every sighting immediately. There are federal laws against stalking aren't there? He is harassing her. His behavior is beyond violating and illegal. How frustrating that he isn't already in jail.

I am praying for your health and safety. God bless you and your family believer.

organic brice

Some states have a law on their books regarding stalking. My state does not. The police have told us that he is not doing anything illegal. Even though it is harassing in our point of view it isn't illegal. The police have told us previously that he is not breaking any laws, even when he came to her job, went inside and hassled employees there. Only if we had a do not contact order on him would he be breaking the law. We applied for one and it was denied.

I think anytime he is sighted it should be recorded but my guess is that unless he makes a verbal threat against her or we catch him on our property late at night or he comes into her job or work on a regular basis and confronts her they aren't going to issue an order against him.

The parking lot is a public place and anyone can do what he did. That fact that it is him creeps us out but I doubt if reporting it would change anything where the law is concerned. We don't even know where he lives now so the police can't even talk to him if it should come to that.

It is very frustrating but at this point the law protects him basically.

Believer,

I'm sorry this continues for you and your family. I am also sorry that you are not feeling well, and have to fight illness on top of everything else. I really admire your strength in every aspect of your life.

I would like to share something with you offline, if you are inclined. My contact info can be found by clicking on the "My Page" link next to my name.

Weed30

I appreciate your kind words. I don't feel very strong though. I am quite worn out and in need of a vacation. If I wasn't having so much darn pain I would book a flight to Arizona to see my step daughter.

I'm going to try acupuncture.....there is nothing more that the medical side can do for me and I am sooooo tired of the medication. For my diabetes I'm suppose to be active and for the sciatica I'm suppose to be off of my feet. I feel a bit sorry for my poor self right now....Any body out there done acupuncture?????

Believer, this has all of the ingredients for a tragic ending, that we see too often in the newspapers. You mentioned that he is struggling in so many areas of his life right now, and has been evicted on top of losing her.

Have you considered sending your daughter quietly away to a relative in another state for several months or more until he has cooled off and has the opportunity to get his life back together and is happy and healthy?

bnicebekind

If she were to leave she would mess up her college and school loans. She doesn't want to leave. She is talking about leaving after she graduates but that is in about a year.

Ex has been evicted before I imagine and been worse off then this. We did a lot to help him out and were always very kind to him. We paid a months rent for him once so that he wouldn't loose his apartment....we sold him a car and then forgave over $700.00 that he didn't pay on the car. I bought and hung curtains for him as a surprise for him per DD's request. We took him out for his birthday and bought birthday gifts and Christmas gifts....the list goes on. Even through the breakup we have not had words. I know it is a long shot but I am hoping that he remembers our kindness towards him.

There is no way to know what he is capable of. I understand all of the possibilities and it worries me. I asked DD if she would change jobs and she doesn't want to. I feel that she has to have a say in how she lives her life. I also feel that during this she wants to be at home and close to me. She has said that I am the only one that she knows will be there for her no matter what. It isn't that I don't want to protect her. She wants to stay here and finish school. I think she needs to feel that she has some control over her life. It is a difficult thing and I know that some people feel that I am not doing enough, I respect that. She and I are doing what she wants, I have to respect that also.

I thank you for your concern. Honestly I do.

Believer,

I have tried acupuncture. In my opinion, in my experience, it is VERY effective. But, like with any type of treatment, the person giving it is very important. Check the credentials and interview the doctor (should be a PHD just as a Western doctor). The doctor of acupuncture should have a clean office, a professional demeanor, and be credentialed.

That being said, I find it more effective when combined with herbal therapy. I got into an accident and injured my arm (bruised beyond belief, looked and felt broken) and went to my acupuncturist prior to emergency because the wait was shorter. lol! Within two hours the pain was gone, the swelling was diminished and I felt I could wait until morning to see how I felt. The next morning, my arm was completely back to normal.

That's just one story... I really think it works! It's very good for pain management and the needles should not hurt!!! If they do, the doctor should tell you that it may hurt (due to issues in that area, etc.) but the pain should not last. It should be a very relaxing, healing experience.

Silver

I emailed an office in town late last night and asked some questions. The Doctor emailed me back today, which I was impressed about. The website went into great detail about what acupuncture was, how it worked....the whole nine yards. It mentioned the part about pain....not a concern of mine. I would like to know why the you feel the Doctor should be a PHD. This one is an MD.

I called the office and made an appointment for Jan. 30th. They are fitting me in and will call if there is a cancellation.

There isn't anything said on the site about herbal treatments. Is that something I would do on my own?

The office also bills my insurance and the woman said that my insurance should cover part of it. They charge between 75 and 95 per session and the number of sessions depends on your situation, as I'm sure you know.

I am excited.....I can't sleep more than an hour or two at a time....it even hurts to lay down now. If I medicate enough to feel better I'm an idiot or unconscious. I'm enough of an idiot the way it is!

Thanks for responding....Your experience is encouraging to me.

I have not read this whole thread, but scrolled down to the bottom and saw the topic of Acupuncture. Last spring, there was a festival we have every year on Main Street, and the acupuncturist had a set-up as part of the festival right outside of her office. There were several people sitting down with needles in their ears, and I had really been wanting to check it out so I sat down. She had us fill out a quick questionaire, particularly about what we were interested in fixing. My issue was infertility. She stuck my ears, and 1 spot hurt a bit, but no serious deal breaker. I took her card, and decided it wasn't too bad so I went back to see her. I'm so glad she set up the outside acupuncture booth, or I would never have walked in there.

When I went in to see her, I expected to just lay down and get stuck with needles. However, we had a consult which was supposed to take 1 1/2 hours. I was in the consult for 2 1/2 hours. She asked so many questions about my life, and of course I spilled the beans. For many years I've had a recurring nightmare dealing with my mother and childhood. I've never sought therapy, just dealt with it on my own. She asked about all of it. Mind you, my acupuncturist was a therapist for 20 years. She has been doing acupuncture for 7. It all caught me off guard, I did not expect to be crying in a consult!! After that we did a session, and mostly it did not hurt. She attributed some pain to 'releasing the energy.' Also, to scar tissue after pregnancy. There is a release point at the foot, when she put that one in it really hurt, she said that was the exit, and there must have been a lot of pain in me. I went back for one more consult and cleansing of the energy and then also do an infertility. Then we did two more infertilities after that. I couldn't afford anymore, afterall I was seeking infertility treatment through my doctor, as well. A year later, I am pregnant. I don't attribute the infertility acupuncture to that, though. However, the recurring nightmares about my mother and childhood that I have had for 15 years are completely gone. I actually had a dream during treatment that ended resolved. And that was the very last nightmare I have had. The burden of that pain is much lighter. I wouldn't trade in my therapy for anything. She was a true healer in my mind and I will never forget her. What really suprised me was that she told me the pain of childhood could very much be causing infertility. That all of those systems tie together. So by healing that, I was able to get pregnant. I got my end result, which is pregnancy, but I really got much more out of it. I am thrilled, as is my husband, that I have moved on from that pain. I didn't realize that I would get so depressed, until my husband noticed I wasn't. Good luck, I hope you find it as rewarding an experience as I have!! Christy

Christy

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have a lot on my plate and have for years. I truly believe that emotional issues can manifest into physical ones. I now have diabetes along with the sciatica and have trouble loosing weight. If just the sciatica was helped I could work on the others. I hold onto a lot of things from my past which adds to the all over under tone of my state of mind.

I do not subscribe to eastern religious beliefs and would stop short of that but do believe that we certainly could learn methods of living that are healthier from other cultures. I would love to be able to get off of so much medication! In the long run that will become a problem also.

I am hopeful that someone cancels so that I can go sooner!

The issues with my daughter's ex are the same as the last report. That in it's self has caused me such stress!

Believer,

"I would like to know why the you feel the Doctor should be a PHD. This one is an MD. "

I have no idea why I wrote that. Thank you for catching it. I meant MD, but my fingers obviously didn't know that!!!!

Sorry for any confusion!

Believer, I just read down further and saw you have issues with Diabetes/weight. A Chinese herbalist/acupuncturist can help with that as well. It will most likely require nasty tasting herbs and a change in diet, but the herbs give me so much energy!!!

Christy, I'm glad your issues were solved!! Congratulations! Consults are usually very long with acupuncture as they view treatment as holistic (mind/body rather than just physical). No 1 hour wait for a ten minute consult as with Western medicine.

I like to keep an open mind and take from each philosophy what I think is useful for me. I'm grateful there is Eastern and Western medicine and I am able to choose as I like!

Silver.....Thanks for clarifying the phd. thing

I am more than ready to explore the herbal part of Eastern Medicine. We have to pick and choose what works for us and I have forgotten that I am a consumer when it comes to medical treatment and should have a say in which way the wind blows for me. Western Medicine has it's place and I am thankful for the strides that it has made in various areas but it is quite disheartening to have a specialist say that there is nothing that they can do for you and that you have to live with it. This is not living. I was told that 10 years ago.

I look forward to a change and taking a more active role in my care. That alone makes me feel hopeful. I am going to look into Chinese herbalists in my area and also research what the net has to say about herbs and my specific health issues.

I want so badly to visit my SD33 in Arizona soon and I can't go feeling this way. That is going to be my goal.

believer - I read this whole thread and feel so bad for your entire family The EX has made you lives h2!!. I hope you haven't heard from him lately!

Did DD ever get a restraining order or protection order against him? If not, she can still do it. If the EX shows up DD can call 911 and he will automatically be arrested. I know the protection order is just a piece of paper - DD wil have to make sure she has her cell phone in her hand every time she leaves a building and has dialed in "91" with her finger ready to push the second "1." But it will put Ex off the street if he does come around her again. Please talk to DD about it and consider filing for an order right away.

I also suffer from sciatica. I wanted to tell you what has worked for me. I have expisodes where I am unable to walk at all and in unbelieveable pain from right side sciatic nerve pain. About 2 years ago I started going to a licensed massage therapist who is also certified in Neuro Muscular Therapy. NMT is where the therapist puts his thumbs on attachment points at either end of a muscle and digs like crazy. IT HURTS but in a good way. I cry during the sessions, but 2 days later and free of pain. For sciatica, he focuses on the sciatic notch in your pelvic bone, doing NMT in that area. It works! I went every week for 8 weeks and was pain free for 6 months. Now I go as needed, for 3 or 4 weeks at a time. HE also gave me stretching and yoga exercises to keep that area limber and the exercises help a great deal. Sometimes when I start to get sciatic twinges (like the start of an episode) I can do the exercies and it will go away completely.

I just wanted to tell you about NMT in case you hadn't heard of it, and the protection order in case you hadn't thought of that.

I will pray for you and send positive thougths your way!

Mommabird,

Thank you so much for your concern. DD has requested a do not contact order against EX and it was denied. The last time we heard about him was when he was seen looking in her car at her job. He has not contacted her or us for a while. It has been a horrible ordeal. My nerves have just been completely shot at times. It is now wonder that I am having trouble with the sciatica to the extent that I am.

I appreciated the info. I want to try the acupuncture and give that a good chance to work. The NMT sounds interesting and I won't rule that out. I have tried the stretching and get no relief from that. I have done physical therapy also and my body gets stronger while the pain gets worse. It is funny how it will go away for a while and then hit me like a ton of bricks. Sometimes I could tell you what I have done to cause it and other times I have no idea. My neurologist told me that the problem is located in the area where the nerve root attaches to the spinal column. Nothing can be done medically. I take neurontin, which is an anti seizure medication. It helps a little. It does slow me down mentally a tad. I tell people that I used to be a lot smarter than I am now! When it is really bad I can loose control of my bladder......not at all pleasant. I have read that long term sciatica problems can cause that.

Again I thank you for your kind words. Having to deal with the EX boyfriend thing has really brought such kindness to me from so many posters. On other subjects we can kind of pick at each other but my experience with this issue has been a Godsend to me. I thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts.

Check out this thread in regards to ex-boyfriend from the marriage forum. It's a pretty interesting concept!!!!

Here is a link that might be useful: Limerance

Silver

Quite interesting reading. I have thought about EX and how he must feel about DD, or any woman that has been in his life. I do understand the conceptual thinking behind the term "limerance". I had a man that I felt that way about once. I never told him, figuring that if he felt anything for me he would approach me. There were a few mixed signals, I thought but he never made an attempt that was something that I knew for sure showed he was interested in me. He had enough chances to do that and he didn't. He thought of me as a friend or sister I guess. Or he would have gone for a little "roll in the hay" if I would have. He even introduced me to a girlfriend that he began dating and ended up getting her pregnant and they later married. Ouch!

With EX's past ( if what he has said is true ) he undoubtedly has great fear of rejection. Again, if what he says is true, he wanted my DD to stay with him, build a future with him and he wanted a family with us. There are too many things though that are negatives to the success of their relationship that he is completely out of touch with which makes me think that he has a break with normal thought processes. This is evident with other actions...his extensive lying and his criminal behavior.

My DD did not want to marry or have children ( my goodness, she is only 20 ) and he did. Very much in fact. I don't know that she will ever change her mind but he had said that he would rather have had her and no kids than to not have her at all. I don't know that it would have been something he could have easily lived with though. The age difference is something that was too vast....11 years...when dealing with her age group. Had they met when she was in her 30's or 40's or older then it would not have been as big a deal.

I am sorry for him when it comes to honest, heartfelt feelings that he might have had for my DD. The fact that he could install such fear ( and continues to do so ) and the fact that he has told so many lies negates all of that though.

It sucks to be rejected. Our family histories have a lot to do with whether or not we can process the rejection in a healthy way. Most of us have been and some of us have stepped over a line while dealing with it that we cringe at after having healed a bit. It is important to teach our kids that when they deal with peers or a romantic interest people have a right to reject them. In the long run it is for the best.

I don't know how much EX has control over when it comes to his emotions about the breakup. I am sorry that I can't talk to him. It just can't happen. I want him to get help and to go onto have a happy life. More importantly though I want him to leave my DD alone and let her move on.

Thanks for the thread and the link Silversword.

Believer,

I hate to bother you, but I came across these blog entries as I was searching for ways to deal with an ex of mine who is stalking me and my daughter. My heart just about stopped when you said he had lived in Omaha, and NC before that. I think it may be the same guy. He is a complete con artist, and I started dating him in Feb of '09, about when your thread ended. Was his name Scott? Thank you.

Wsalb14, Believer isn't on this site anymore. I'm really sorry. You might want to contact her through personal email, it might still be connected through here... or contact the site moderators as they may be able to forward a personal message from you to her.

Best wishes,
Silver

Wsalb....This man's name was Claude J. Last name starting with an "M". He goes by "CJ". He is 31 years old, about 5' 10" or 5' 11". He has black hair, brown eyes, is very heavy and looks very young for his age. He was driving a black Jeep Cherokee at the time. "Believer" does not have any info on this site any longer.

I have personal connections to Believer so I can assure you that this info is correct. Your post was startling to me so I thought that it was best to pass this info on.

He also has a friend that he calls "Cooper". "CJ" claims that his mother committed suicide when he was a young boy and that his father beat him.

These should be enough facts to let you know if they are one and the same. Follow the advice given here and what was done. It is good advice. Take care of yourself.

He contacted Believer's daughter via email a few months ago. To my knowledge though he is not watching her. I have no idea where he is.