I was working in banking managing the community reinvestment act compliance for one bank in alaska and teaching it to others nationally stinky. (I always giggle when I type your name lol it seems funny to call someone stinky heh heh). Anyhow, the bank I worked for was very highly rated on all fronts (safety, profitably etc) but the couldn't get their CRA rating above satisfactory so when they hired me they said do anything to get an outstanding and you will be well rewarded :). I like rewards so I looked fir the areas most in need of lending and access to money and found them in very rural native villages. The village I did my first housing program had not seen a new home built in 30 years and those were badly built by HUD so they were falling apart. People couldn't afford homes as cost (no profit at all) for a 1000 sq ft home runs around half a million each due to transport costs of materials. So I got uber creative and figured out a way to build homes in these villages which could be sold with Indian house grants assisting to villagers for mortgages with less than a five hundred dollar monthly payment. Their mortgages were conventional (20 or 30 years) with no crazy predatory terms involved. We did several of the programs and started the process in several other villages while I was in the position as well as other things to provide cash to the villages...like taking cash machines our in dogsleds. And the deals were profitable so it was a win win for everyone :). Because these were "first in the nation" type programs the bank got it's outstanding rating and I was well rewarded....but not as much in cash as I was rewarded by the experiences I had while making it all happen! Watching a five year old girls first dance for the village is a reward you can't measure in dollars, nor is the feeling you get when you take a family out of an over crowded home and give them the keys to their new home. I slept on the floor in school gyms, trailers full of dirty construction workers, a chairs floor lol and loved every second of the experience. It was the most rewarding job I'd ever had in my life! What you learn about the first people's culture...it's amazing! Gad I should shut up lol. I miss that job....can you tell? In the world of banking and poverty there is so much great work just begging to be done well...the opportunities to do the right thing profitably are all over the place so it's easy to be a star in the world...which is fun! But the feeling you get doing it is priceless!

I don't know about the double deep plots around here, but I do know of at least one cemetary that does allow at least 2 creamains to be buried in one plot, as that was the case with friends of ours. Most head stones around here are double, with the living spouse's name and dob inscribed. Now if you really want to see something creepy, visit the cememtary with your living parents to see the grave stone they purchased for themselves already put in place! I knew they had done it, I have been encouraging that they make all arrangements ahead of time. They had the option of having the stone placed or just choosing what they wanted and paying for it. Mom wanted to see it in place. Now I am used to seeing it, but the first time I saw it was also the first time they had seen it! They had been stopping periodically to see if it had been placed. I just happened to be with them the day they stopped and it was there. Monica, you posted a while back about wondering if you DH's head was where the headstone had been placed. I spoke with DH's cousin in IA, who does the book work for the two cemetaries in their area. In most cases the headstones face east and at the head. It also depends on where in the cemetary the grave is located, as in near a drive, as sometimes it needs to be oriented differently. But she said to check with the cemetary office and they will be able to tell you how he was placed in relation to the headstone. It does vary from area to area sometimes. Tami

Okay, speaking from personal experience, usually when a guy starts looking at porn it's because they aren't getting certain things they might sexually be interested in or there is a more deep seated issue in the relationship. People also usually only hide things for one of three reasons. 1) They are trying to protect someone they care about but we can pretty safely rule this out since he knows that you know. 2) They are afraid of negative consequences and since you have already likened porn to cheating {which is a bit mental if you ask me} he is likely afraid that admitting he has a fairly natural urge will cause him to lose you. 3) There is some shame in their actions and honestly, I hate to say it because people are going to yell that I'm blaming tyhe victem when I'm not, it's most likely you that's causing him to feel that shame. Your view on porn makes it taboo which is always both tantalizing and shameful. I have to ask this and no you don't have to answer, just think about my questions. 1) Have you ever considered using porn to spice up your love life with him? Consider putting on a porno while you and he are laying in bed together and just see if you can't get him to stand at attention for you. Use the thing you don't necessarily like to get the "thing" you really want. 2) Ever tried looking at what he searches and maybe, if your comfortable with it, incorporate one or two of those things into your love life? If it's something he enjoys then why not enjoy it with him? You both get what you want at that point which shows compromise and compromise is one of the basic building blocks to any relationship. 3) Consider this, if you two do the same thing every time you two get together then isn't it possible he's just a little bored? Not bored of you but bored of the same position you two make love in or even just bored of thesurroundings. Get a babysitter for the night and have a romantic evening to yourselves but don't go home. Rent a hotel room and have fun there. It would help to break him out of the rut that he may feel his life has gotten into. Do not take this as a strike against you, sometimes guys just get tired of the same thing over and over again. Mind you, I stress that you remember these are only suggestions to help you make your marraige stronger and help you grow as a couple. Feel free to ignore my advice as you please but remember that I've been in a position I think might be similar to the one he is in and I'm simply sharing with you what I myself have dealt with personally.

Closet - love it. Foyer closets are usually for guests - and if you won't have a TON, why not have it do double duty! Brilliant. Living in the South, we don't have a ton of coats -- and visitors typically don't bring them into the house. We typically carry a coat with us "just in case" but leave it in the car. The real reason I want a coat closet at all is so I have a place to store our own bulky coats, which otherwise would take up all the space in our master closet. We'll have hooks for currently-in-use-coats, but I want to have a place to pack away winter coats when they're no longer needed. My friends put a six pack of beers in their walls. Like my husband would give up a beer. As far as looks go, a box bay might look good! I thought about that, but I think I'm just gonna say "no" to the idea ... and go with double or triple windows in that spot. Put a gun in the time capsule to generate good stories. Like I'd give up one of my guns! ? Change porch shape to mirror bay window. Now that's an idea I hadn't considered. I will ruminate on this. I liked it because it increased the size of our living room and gave it a feature. It also had stained glass over the double hungs. Yes, it was dark until late afternoons when the sun would get low enough to shine through the glass. Then it was like a jewel box. I had it set up much like your picture. That sounds lovely. Here is a question about a closet with doors on both sides that only you can answer for yourself, MrsPete. When you hang up coats, do they always face the same way? If not, the jack-n-Jill closet is great. But if they do always face the same way, will it bother you that opening the closet from one side or another reveals coats hanging in different directions? First, I hadn't applied the term "jack and jill" to this closet, but it works! Second, yes I had considered that ... it'd bother me a little -- 3 on a scale of 10. My old house had a bay window at the end of it. Great space for the two chairs as you mentioned, but I will say no one ever sat in them. If we celebrated it also would have been the perfect spot for a Christmas tree. I actually found it to be an awkward space. We'll need SOMETHING at that end of the living room ... otherwise it'd be an empty spot. Yes, I had considered the Christmas tree! Love your capsule idea. We're not doing that, but tomorrow when they pour the slab, we're going to head over to the house to embed 18 cents into the slab. (According to the Gematria, a Jewish mystical tradition that assigns a numerological value to Hebrew letters, the Chet has a value of 8 and the Yud has a value of 10, adding up to the number 18 which means Chai. Because of this, the number 18 represents good luck and gifts are often given in multiples of Chai, or 18. It symbolizes giving the recipient the gift of "life" or luck.) I'm glad you explained that because when I saw 18, I was definitely confused, as that's not a cultural reference of which I was aware! Interesting. Also very exciting that your slab's being poured. I'm not sure of the closet idea. You might lose some storage space. Would you do pocket doors? I could see it as being used as a walk through space too. Could you make it bigger so it could be used as a walkway, with closets on either side and pocket doors to close it off? No, you're imagining it bigger than it actually is -- and that's my fault for not giving any dimensions. This is a SMALL coat closet. 3' wide x 2' deep ... with a door on both sides so coats can go in /out from either side. It can't really be bigger (without decreasing other areas of the house that are more important to me), and since it is JUST for storing coats, no need for it to go bigger. No to pocket doors because of the items next to it ... plus, this isn't a door that'll ever be left open, so not an ideal spot for a pocket door. Again, thanks to all for your ideas.