Disengaging, disassociating, disgusted...
silversword
12 years ago
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Comments (18)
popi_gw
12 years agosuzieque
12 years agoRelated Discussions
Beware: KitchenAid mixers just milking their name and reputation.
Comments (46)Hmm, I've also been reading this thread with interest because I was just about to buy a KA stand mixer. On their website, it says the Professional 600 series is "Flour Power" rated for 14 cups, "8 loaves white bread, 13 dozen cookies, 8 lb. mashed potatos" Also from their website: Warranty Our Hassle-Free Replacement Warranty guarantees that if your countertop appliance fails during the first year, KitchenAid will replace it free of charge. We will: # Deliver a replacement to your door # Arrange the return of the failed appliance # Guarantee the new appliance for one year For more information or complete warranty details on KitchenAid® countertop appliances, please call Customer Service at 1-800-541-6390. Sure doesn't sound like your experience. Maybe I'll have to look at the Cuisinart instead. W....See MoreSS resisting visits, advice?
Comments (10)OH MY GOSH, I could have written most of what you wrote myself, as I have an almost IDENTICAL situation with MY 13 yo DSS!!! He lives with his brother, DSS 11, BM, her husband and their DD, 2 hours away (which means DH drives 4 hours roundtrip for the pick-up). We are supposed to have them every other weekend. BM has had both boys in more sports than you can count since they were toddlers, practically year-round, usually on SEPARATE teams, which has ALWAYS been a planning nightmare for us. The major problem started about 9 mos ago. Suddenly, DSS 13 would act all depressed and down in the dumps when he came for visits. Then he started getting to the point where, on Thursdays when it was their weekend, he would have BM call DH and tell him that he did not want to come. He is very bright and has always been very manipulative, not to mention the fact that BM has a very loose parenting style with few rules where DSS 13 basically calls the shots. (I know he feels like he's in prison in our house, since he has to take off his shoes when he comes inside and must eat and drink in the kitchen.) (Of course, my DS 6 has the same rules and has no problem following them.) On one occasion about 6 mos ago, DSS literally through a screaming and crying tantrum over the phone b/c he did not want to come. We have had several "event" weekends where he refused to come. The last was last weekend. We planned to take the kids 5 hours away to Carowinds amusement park for the weekend. (DH's sister lives in Charlotte and their parents were going for the weekend, so it was a larger family event.) Since I am pregnant and we are building a house, we decided this was about all of the vacation we could do this year. DH e-mailed DSS about the weekend plans. DSS mailed back, basically, "Sorry, Dad, my best friend's birthday party is this weekend. You'll have to make Carowinds next weekend." Since DH almost ALWAYS gives in to him, I was shocked that he did not just rearrange the whole trip. However, he did allow DSS to skip the trip. The few times DH has forced DSS to come when he did not want to, DSS has made us miserable by not looking at or speaking to anyone the entire weekend. DH decided it's better to give him his way than deal with that. THEN, when DSS does finally decide to grace us with his presence (usually if he doesn't have something better to do and can possibly get us to buy something extra he wants, such as guitar, computer equipment, etc., then he comes) DH spends the whole weekend on eggshells trying to make sure DSS is "happy" and "not bored." He still barely speaks to me, even when I ask him a direct question. I've noticed DH tries to compensate for him when this happens in his presence by restating the question to DSS, who then answers him curtly. It really drives me crazy, but after 8 years of standing on my head trying to please this kid, preparing his favorite meals, etc. I have finally disengaged. I don't go out of my way whatsoever. (He is a VERY picky eater and basically eats only "country cookin" sausage and gravy, greasy, calorie laden food, allowed of course by BM.) Since I disengaged, I feel much better. I do lend a sympathetic ear to DH, and we are hoping that DSS 11, who has always been much more happy-go-lucky than DSS 13, will not end up the same way. So I guess the LONG answer to your question of what will happen if you give in to this behavior is, YES, it will become the norm. And when that happens and you try to stop it, you will get hit with teenage fury! I pointed out to DH that almost every weekend there will be SOMETHING going on that DSS will say he wants to go to/can't miss if he knows it will allow him to stay home. DH admits that DSS is a spoiled brat, so we are just doing the best we can with it. I don't know what else to do. We are just going to try to get him through it and hope he does so without hating us! Being a step-parent is TOUGH duty, I tell ya! It does help to see that we are not alone!! Good luck!...See MoreQuestion for Adult Stepdaughters
Comments (30)I am new to this forum - this is my first post. I am a 29-year old SD...and, maybe, future-SM. I have been in a serious relationship for the past year with a wonderful man who has two young daughters who live several states away with their BM. I adore them and enjoy spending time with them every month or two, and the BM and I get along fine. The posts on this forum have been incredibly insightful and I have discussed many of the issues with my BF. But, I want to address the question about my relationship with my SM. The further I progress down the road to potential SM-hood, and the more I examine the issues that many stepfamilies face, the more I have sympathy for some of what my SM probably went through, i.e. my considering my father's house as solely his and not hers, etc. (My parents divorced when I was 8, SM came on the scene as GF when I was 14, and married my father when I was 23.) I was a typical teenager with a bad, confrontational attitude. I will probably be cursed with the same kids someday - LOL. I am a fair person and I always apologize when I go the wrong way, irrespective of whether the person overall "deserves" it. When I'm wrong, I'm wrong. However, my SM was one my brother and I saw through from the beginning. She is racist, materialistic, and gives the most conditional of love - meaning, as long as you like the same things and hold the same philosophies she does, all is well in the world. Express a different opinion, and she clams up with her smug smile and says nothing. I have never met a more judgmental, bigoted person in all my life. Imagine that with a confrontational teenager...provacations galore. It shocks me that my dad has never seen his side of her (he sees her good attributes and she does have them, like a keen sense of history for example). I disliked her from the beginning because she trash-talked my mother (who she had never met) and told lies about me to my father. It took her many years to acknowledge and apologize (albeit indirectly) for her behavior...it is also something my father to this day is not comfortable discussing with me. Guess it would make it harder to stay married to a bigoted liar!! She has also abused his financial trust to the point where they now have "separate" finances (what a joke - they live in CA). It is unfortunate that my father puts whatever faith he has left in her to manage his affairs should the time come, and as of a few years back had neither a living will nor trust. At the end of the day, I accept my SM because she tries hard to make my father's life happy, and easier. She does a lot of things for him. I realize it is not my business that she moved into a house my father saved for his whole life and decorated it with her gazillion crappy knick-knacks - to each her own!! I find their dynamic stressful and upsetting, and their arguments and nit-picking seem to have escalated more over the years. The gift of my own aging has shown me that parents are just people, and we live cross-country now and have limited time together. They cannot tell me what makes me happy any more than I can tell them. Our relationship has changed from an authoritarian, parenting-style to one of adults who see each other at holidays and consult about important decisions. Another key is that she has demonstrated to me how NOT to be a SM. I pledged from my heart, from the beginning that I would never trash-talk my BF's daughters' BM (and ex-wife), and that I would deal with issues related to custody, finances, etc. with much more dignity and unconditional love than I was shown by my SM if and when the time comes. Finally, I understand why she was given to me in my life!! Feels good to pop out and say something here, after so many months. Best to you all!...See Morea mutual disrespect
Comments (9)I agree it's a DH issue, not necessarily a child issue. My situation has a lot of similarities, except SD lives with us & has for going on 4 years. If dad is afraid to upset her so he lets her get away with everything, I'd tell him that if he doesn't get a handle on her now, he won't stand a chance when she's a teen. She won't hate him (though she may say she does) but kids want discipline & structure. In the long run, it's for her own good. As for what the mom is doing, you will spin your wheels in mud & get nowhere. Been there, done that. I'm appalled by my SD's mom's actions... can't imagine any mother treating a child... THEIR child, like that. But, as a stepparent all you can do is shrug & say, "not my kid, not my problem" and continue doing so when they want something from you. That at least teaches them it's give & take, not just take when I want & the heck with you the rest of the time. It's been three years of hell with my SD11 & she just came to me a week ago & asked me if she can call me mom. Of course, I am hesitant & feel it's a manipulative move on her part... she just doesn't seem too sincere. But, I'll take it & in time, maybe it will become genuine. If not, I can still say I did all I could for the girl. I feel bad for her, she was given a raw deal in life... but I didn't have anything to do with creating the situation she is in so it's not my responsibility to fix it. If the parents are in denial, there isn't a thing a stepparent can do. I guess all you can do is try to convince your DH to step up & get more involved in his daughter, including discipline & structure. Let HIM tell her this is the way it is. He needs to work on building a parent/child relationship with her & not worry about being her friend or whether she is "happy" about the rules. No kid is happy about the rules, though some have no problem following them. Also, medical coverage is on the child. If he has joint legal custody, there may be no way for her to stop him from getting the information from the insurance company. If she refuses to disclose the company, he can ask the court to make her turn over that info. He can also ask the court to order counseling & for the mother to participate. I'm not advocating a big court battle, but a simple motion to ask the court to get the ins. card or set up counseling would probably be seen as a concerned father... just stick to the issue for SD's best interest & don't get sucked into a fight over other stuff. Chances are, if dad asks for a counselor & mom says SD if fine, the court may want to hear an impartial counselor say SD is fine, since the court knows the problems associated with divorced parents. AS for her ignoring you, I ignored my SD when she did that to me. It makes for a miserable time, but it's a part of a lesson "treat others how you want to be treated". My SD did that when she was 9-10... maybe it has to do with that age, though I haven't heard too many people here complain of that....See Moresilversword
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