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Should I replace the beloved missing toy?

Posted by amyfiddler (My Page) on
Fri, Oct 26, 07 at 23:55

My 9 year old has been lonely the past year, her best friend moved away and our school boundaries changed. She became very attached to a "lambchop" puppet, which she adores, plays with, sleeps with, takes on trips, etc -

About a month ago lambchop turned up missing. We've looked high and low, called friends and family, and no sign of lambchop.

I went up on ebay to see if it was even an option to buy another, and it is - then, my daughter glanced at the comp and saw me looking. She got pretty excited - I said I wasn't sure about purchasing one, we'd "have to see."

I'm just not sure buying a new one is the right thing - we've focused a lot this week on making new friends and she has made a new girlfriend at school. She hopes to invite her to our home next week -

Anyway, the lambchop thing, I'm considering it as a christmas gift, if anything at all. Then, between now and then if the original shows up, then all is well -

Thoughts? thanks


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Should I replace the beloved missing toy?

My daughter has lost toys that were favorites.Usually because she insisted on bringing the toy to the mall or something and left it behind.My child will pick something for like a week or two to be her favorite though and move on to something else.One week it's The Powerpuff Girls,the next week it's Barbie...
I would say if this toy is really a big favorite,as in she wont forget about it anytime soon and has had for a while,that it would be nice to replace it.
I think for Christmas is a great idea.


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RE: Should I replace the beloved missing toy?

Amyfidler, I guess the cost of replacement would be a consideration.

You might find that you go and buy the toy, and she has gotten over it's loss, in the meantime.

I would buy the toy, if it makes her happy.

Wonder where it went !

P


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RE: Should I replace the beloved missing toy?

Oh, my, yes, replace lampbchop. When my dtr was 5 or 6, her beloved, bedraggled stuffed otter turned up missing. She grieved and searched for weeks. My DH remembered the shop where he bought Otter on a business trip to California years earlier, so I called the shop and had one sent but didn't tell DD.

When that little girl opened the box and saw the "rejuvenated" Otter, she was thrilled! She immediately noticed that Otter's whiskers were a slightly different color now and that he looked clean and nice, and exclaimed, "I guess he was on a vacation!" She is 22 now and her otter has been her faithful companion ever since. It was and is her most prized possession.

It isn't always easy to make new friends, but you can count on a lambchop or an otter. And I wouldn't put any conditions on the replacement, either. Don't make her wait till Christmas if she is hurting now, and try not to interfere with her interpretations regarding its return. She may not even "take" to the replacement, but it may be the smartest thing you'll ever do for her. Sometimes we parents actually can fix things and make them right.


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RE: Should I replace the beloved missing toy?

Thank you! The good news is, out of the blue two weeks ago, a distant friend found it in her play room. DD had called everyone she ever knew, explaining it was gone, so when they came across it they knew it was hers and returned it.

Oh happy day :)


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RE: Should I replace the beloved missing toy?

I'm glad you found lambchop, What makes me wonder is why would you even ponder not getting her another one and giving it to her immediately. Unless you were trying to teach her responsibility to take better care of her stuff, I think you were being kind of mean.


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RE: Should I replace the beloved missing toy?

DD once had a little dolly. I washed and dried her at my home numerous times. No problem. She got dirty one time at Grandma's house and I washed and dried her. Big problem. Dolly's hair melted together and stood straight up, it was hard and brittle. I bought DD, then about 2, a replacement immediately. She knew the difference and would not accept darling dolly 2.


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RE: Should I replace the beloved missing toy?

My niece never let her children get attached to one item. She rotated everything like stuffed animals and blankets. Never had a problem with any attachment.


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Shousha #2

I would certainly replace the toy!

DD loved this one toy, a tiny stuffed dog named Shousha. It was dirty and old and one day she lost it on the beach, she was playing putting him in a sand pile and then digging him back up. All of a sudden she couldn't find him anymore, we looked for a half an hour, he was gone. It was a tragedy. We had to find identical toy (it took me awhile!) but it didn't look the same: it was new and clean. So she went outside and messed it up to make it look old and dirty. It became Shousha # 2 but she still ocassionally remembered the original Shousha. We took Shousha #2 with us when we moved overseas. She still loves him. She is away to college now but Shousha sits on her book shelf in my house. :)

DD also had a very favorite horse, old fashioned one on wheels. It was huge and she was miserable I didn't allow her to take it with us when we moved. We left it with her grandma and every time DD is there she spends time with her horse. DD is 20 and is weel adjusted adult so her love-attachment to few toys didn't do her any wrong. I think it is kind of cute.


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RE: Should I replace the beloved missing toy?

Attachment is not a bad thing - just to clarify. It is a good thing. Kids that never get attached to mothers or other humans are the future sociopaths of the world! That's not to say that kids without 'objects' are problematic, but i wouldn't go to any length to keep objects of attachment away from kids.

My question was, is it in anyone's experience, or opinion, a good or bad thing to replace the object lost. Would it be better to process "loss" and teach her how to deal with it? What does that do to kids to replace lost things? Does not replacing it show that I am "mean" or a bad mother? Does replacing it have more to do with my own anxiety of the lost object? If i show that I am calm and not rushing around to replace it, won't that teach her by example that things will be Okay? I just had questions.


In the end, I bought her a new lambchop to give to her for a christmas gift. Turns out she found the original, so I gave the replacement to her brother. Problem solved, and I was okay with the solution of giving the replacement as a gift for a holiday.


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RE: Should I replace the beloved missing toy?

Amy,
That was a great resolution! I guess my four kids never lost anything special that I can remember, so I never had to face that dilemma, thank goodness.

It was kind of cute and funny that my DS, the youngest, and only boy, was extremely attached to several dolls when he was little. The first was a hand puppet he called baby, made with a nylon stocking face that resembled Cabbage Patch dolls. The next was a big doll one of the DD's friends bought him. The doll looked just like Chuckie from the horror movies, but DS loved his Buddy-eye. The next was one of those anatomically correct newborn baby boy dolls (his sisters each got a newborn girl, even though the older 2 were 15 and older, they wanted one). He named his newborn Wilbur and used to take him to school to play with on the playground. The other boys would tease him, but he told them if little girls could bring dolls to play with to learn to be better mommies, he could bring his to learn to be a better daddy. Even at that tender age, he knew his dad was not a good parent.

His dad's family went totally beserk and ballistic. By allowing the dolls, I was turning my little boy into a "fag"! How horrible of a mother! DS is now 22, and definitely not a fag. And if he was, I would learn to embrace that, too. He's my son most importantly.


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