UniqueEnigma, Welcome to Florida and welcome to the Forum! You will receive lots of ideas, inspiration and support here. But I don't think you received exactly the response you were looking for - someone to come to your place and help you build your raised beds. I want to explain a couple things so you don't think people aren't being helpful. I'm not being critical of your post - I just want you to understand since you are so new. First of all, you just signed on to GardenWeb a couple days ago; you don't have a history here, so we don't know you or anything about your personality. We've had a couple issues with members who turned out to be (how should I say this...) 'stranger' than we expected them to be. Give this a little time, get to know people and let them get to know you. Maybe come to a swap or two. After that it will be a better time to invite people to come work in your yard. But even then I'm not sure this is the right place to be looking to hire a garden helper. We don't do business on this forum and I think that's one of the things GardenWeb discourages. Like I said, I'm not being critical of your post - I just want you to understand since you are so new. We often recommend that new residents - even experienced gardeners - take some time to get to know their yard, to understand growing conditions and the seasons in Florida, and to really think about what they want from their yard before they start building their gardens. Many of us who have moved here from other regions have been overwhelmed by the amount of time and work a garden takes in Florida. We try to save new residents some anguish by preaching a slow and cautious start! All that being said, I'm sure you'll love gardening in this state and you'll enjoy this forum, too. Lots of great and very knowledgeable people here, willing to share ideas and support whenever you need them. Kate

I guess you could say I can see both sides of the story. I am 36 and expecting child number 4. I also have an 18 yr old daughter with a 3 month old daughter of her own. She wasn't planning hers and neither was I, but here we are. I do help her with babysitting, but I have a life of my own. I have simply told her that when my baby comes along I will have my hands full, and even though she will be welcome to visit at any time, I will not babysit for her until I am able to take care of my own and the soon to be 4 year old by myself first. I am having a c-section. In your circumstances, I feel you are right to say that you are not going to be able to care for the children constantly. I am certain that when she calms down and is able to look at things calmly, she will appreciate what you are able to do, and see the value in it. You have said that she is in a bad situation that is going to get a little rougher. I can say that even though unplanned pregnancies are rough, they are not the end of the world and your daughter will get over it eventually. I would suggest a phone call even if it means leaving a voicemail or message, and tell her if you are still willing to help her out, but make sure she understands that it is not just for your convenience, but also for the children's safety. If she is unwilling to listen to reason after that, you will just have to keep yourself occupied and wait for her to deal with it on her own. I hope things work out for you. Good luck and God bless.

Assume feeding and caring for in addition to driving? Whoa! Being male and therefore out of the mommy-logic loop, maybe I'm out of touch but I wouldn't do anything like this for anyone for 25 bucks a day. Nor would I allow my wife to do it for such a pittance while compromising the care of our own children. (Just made that up. I'm not married or raising children, just trying to make a point.) From the replies to OP, I'm seeing about 1/2 minimum wage plus much risk and zero benefits. On the other hand, I know what it's like to not have money and the joy of being able to depend upon something coming in where there wasn't before. I don't know your situation. Your call. How important is it? My situation is on the other end. Full-time care-giving for elderly mother. Doesn't amount to anything. Basically, companionship and meal-making. Somebody has to be here at all times. I pay $15.00 @hour for this service from known/trusted people. That includes sleeping time. My occasional 24-hr. single-overnight weekends cost me $360.00. Eight-hour daytime shifts are $160.00. Nobody will do anything for less than that where I live. Your responsibilities and risks will be greater than my hired substitute care-givers. And I doubt the pay-scale and/or expectation is any less in Oregon than it is here. Your friend is trying to buy trust and dependability at a discount price. If you're both OK with it, that's fine. Just saying at the amount suggested by other respondents, I think you're getting ripped.

I read your original post and pretty much skipped the follow ups because I want to respond, just to YOUR post and not the opinions of others. "she left him after 11 years when she becamse pregnant by a bf. She now lives with the bf, who is abusive physically and verbally, and the 3 kids live with her too because they go to school there and their dad works at a feed lot FULL TIME!!" Working full time is NO reason to leave your three children in a situation with a physically & verbally abusive stepdad or worse, just her boyfriend. "OK, so the problem. The kids spend weekends and some holidays and summer with us. When they are at our house, I am with them all day when he is working. I discipline and hand out chores and rewards...all the things expected of a mother. We get along very well and my bf backs me up when needed. Recently we recieved the 13 year olds grades from first nine weeks and she is basically flunking all core classed. I'm talking C's and D's. (and not even a C+). My bf was upset too and we talked and he talked with the ex. I also e-mailed his 13 year old about how I felt. I am a teacher, so I thought maybe I'd have a different insight. They never bring homework with them on the weekends and I told her I want to see homework from now on. The next night the ex called my bf and was very upset that I e-mailed and he talked to her for 30 minutes and seemed to agree with everything she said. Then he was angry at me and when I tried to defend myself....he kicked me out." I disagree with anyone that says you were trying to assume "parental" anything. You were however, the babysitter while he was at work. Before my now husband moved in, I kept his daughter when she didn't have school and he had to work (on his weeks because he had her every other week) I don't have a problem with that. Your post is titled "future?" so I assume you'd like to marry this guy and if he felt that way about you, he would value YOUR opinion. The fact that he threw you out is a clear sign that he still lets his ex rule his life and that's not a place you want to be. I guarantee it. "Was I wrong??? I just don't think it's fair to ask me to perform motherly responsibilities when they are staying with us, but I have no say otherwise if it makes the ex angry. I feel that at least I am a good influence on their lives. The ex's bf is an abusive jerk who is definately involved in the kids lives...so how much room does she have to talk??" I don't think you were wrong to have an opinion about her grades and wanting to help her. You are a teacher and that was a positive. The fact that she would rather be jealous that it's coming from you because you are with him, is her problem. It only became your problem when he listened to her and threw you out. Do you think that if her teacher from school called and said what you did, she would have had a problem with it? I don't. "The 13 year old e-mailed me back and said she was trying in school but her homework is always late because she has practice right after school and then babysits for her little sister til 11pm when her mom finally comes home from work. Then she doesn't have time. I just don't feel she has her priorities straight. If she can't keep up with school work, then maybe she shouldn't be playing ball at school. And what is wrong with asking them to bring homework to our house on the weekends so I can help them??" If you are back with your BF, I wouldn't worry about it. If she asks for your help, offer it but for now, he hasn't put a ring on your finger and you are not responsible for his kids. You can be their friend and help if you want, but it's not the same as "mothering" although I think I know what you mean. When my kids were young, our house was where all the kids wanted to play because we had a pool. and I considered feeding or teaching them things, mothering. I heard the phrase "turf war" used and I agree, too many moms and step mom's get so far into a battle that the kids get sucked into a war zone. I don't see it too much with men but I'm sure that happens too. "I guess I just don't know how to disengage when I have to be a "parent" part of the time. If I am to be with my bf, i want to be a part of their lives too. And not just their friend. Am I in the wrong?? I feel he owes me an apology and needs to acknowledge what I do for his children. Is that wrong?? Please give me some advice because I am hurting right now and don't know where to go from here." You have to disengage until he marries you. Until he does that, you are nothing more than a friend to his kids. I would think hard and seriously before continuing to be with a guy that has already thrown you out and allows you to take care of his kids when he can't. To be honest, it sounds like you may have some "codependency" issues because you can't fix things, especially if your BF and his ex don't want you to. Why are you even bothering???