I just wanted to post this so that all parents can watch their teens. These things seem to happen in groups. When one teen does it the rest that have been thinking about it see it as a green light.

My daughter tried it several years ago..Thank God she changed her mind before it was too late.

Please parents....talk with your kids. I just needed to say this.

I saw a show recently about a teen who killed herself. Lovely girl, nice school, nice family.

Turned out she had depression, she kept a diary. She was so ashamed of feeling sad, she thought it was a sign of weakness, so she didn't bring it up with her parents.

Very sad story.

I think it's important to talk about how they feel.

My son has been moody lately, he is 16, and I have tried to bring up the topic of feelings, but it's very tricky. They just clam up!

I guess a good thing to say is "are you feeling sad?".

What do others think - what is a good way to talk about feelings and sadness, with teens, especially boys ?

Popi

Let him know that you are there for him NO MATTER WHAT. and that he can come to you anytime, night or day to talk, to have you listen.

I know that many parents feel that the privacy of a teen is a sacred thing and many would not cross the line of reading emails or diaries......I would if I saw change in them. Like the show that you just watched. The girl expressed her feelings in her diary...I would rather she be mad at me then not alive....I wish you well with your son. Mine is 16 also and this is a difficult time for young men. We talk A LOT!.

Normally, we see suicide as unthinkable, something so wrong, that we shouldn't ever consider it. But once someone you know (friend or family) has committed suicide, it ceases to be an unthinkable act and becomes a viable solution to ones' problems.

I'm a strong proponent of ANYONE who has been touched by suicide getting the appropriate counselling. Of course, that's so hard with teens--they are so closed down at times, so reluctant to let others in. If that's the case, then it cannot hurt for the parents to sit down with a knowledgeable counsellor to learn what they can do to help.

Car travel is supposed to be a prime communication setting, so my mother used car time for "addressing issues" that were bothering her. Looking back, most were incredibly petty and all about her own insecurities, self-involvement etc. She was in so much pain, pain even she might not have been aware of, there was no room for our feelings.

What do you all do to foster an atmosphere, relationships in which kids talk as freely as is healthy?

This is a good question. Talking about feelings is not helpful, if someone does not feel heard. Likewise, when responses offer cliches, trivialize or sound dismissive then it hardly feels emotionally safe to talk about one's feelings in an honest way.

In my life I've found people tend to respond with judgements and fixing, then deny it. Sadly few people seem very open to hearing how inappropriate and hurtful their behaviors and comments are. Most people that I've met seem to lack empathy and compassion, but seem to have an expectation that they are entitled to demand that from me or others, but then I was always judged and dismissed as "too sensitive".

I attempted suicide as a teen and was very depressed. I experienced my mother as self-absorbed and see similarities to psmum's mother. I didn't think about my siblings as not wanting to burden them as their behaviors indicated to me that they felt I was a burden just for talking about my feelings and desiring to feel heard. Quite simply, I didn't feel that I would be missed.

I still experience many people as lacking empathy and compassion and what psmum describes as self-absorbed, insecure and oblivious. Seems to me people afflicted with these types of behaviors and thought processes are abundant. It's not the type of behavior or environment that offers an emotionally safe place to honestly discuss one's feelings. Sadly, I think this type of self-involvement and narcissism is on the rise.

If you want to offer an emotionally safe place to discuss feelings, start by thinking about what you say before you speak. Start reflecting on your own thoughts and emotions and reactions. How can anyone have an emotionally honest relationship with someone who constantly reacts on auto-pilot and then denys it. And if you cannot identify emotions in yourself, then you will not be able to identify them in others--a basic communication skill necessary for healthy relationships. Make room for a variety of emotional responses, not just happiness. Listening to other people and not always talking about yourself is a good place to start.