We live in the country where jobs are VERY scarce because there are few businesses. She attends high school in the city (45 minute drive).

Last night she was working on her resume and application letter to bring in to two businesses. Because I didn't help her right then and there, at her request, she's pissed off. I told her that I was going to listen to the evening news and would help her after, not when SHE requests it. After news were over, I went to her and offered my help. She said to forget it, she changed her mind about it. I said okay and walked off. I told her it was her decision, whatever!

Her Dad and I do all that we can for her. He drives her to town for movies and waits in town until it ends. We do without just so she can have things/do things.

She didn't do her homework last night and woke up in bad mood this morning. I checked her MSN Message Log cuz she was talking with a friend last night (girl lives down the road and been friends for 10+ years).

They were both going to apply to those businesses. When her friend asked her a question, DD said she got over it and to hell with it. She changed her mind and might do weed instead. Her friend got very upset and there was a convo about how weed is not good for you/won't kill you/etc. DD made the comment "If I wasn't so chicken, I'd be doing it. Maybe my parents would see how they are bad parents." I was astonished by her comment that she thinks we are bad parents.

Do all teenagers think they have bad parents when they don't have their way? Do they get over it? Or do they act out?

It makes me think... if she thinks we are bad parents after all that we do for her, what is her definition of good parents? Maybe it's because we do so much too??

This isn't anything new. We've been through this before, last spring actually! She just proscrastinate a lot and blames it on her anxiety disorder all the time. It's like the same scenario, over and over again, but she always has an excuse for everything.

When we were in family therapy, she said something to the therapist about how I gave her the ultimatum that she only has 2 more chances to get her G1 license and that's it. I'm not paying for it anymore. How it was unbelievable! I explained that she failed it 5 times and wasn't even trying to pass cuz she wasn't really studying the booklet. The therapist agreed with me about it being enough is enough and that's it's costly. DD finally saw that I wasn't the one that was in the wrong.

As far as invading her privcay, it's not something I normally do. I know my daughter's moods and know when something is going on with her, troubling her, etc., and I could sense something wrong. I also just remembered that she's due for her menstruation in a few days and she gets very, very moody... cries, anger, depressed, is mad at the world.

As far as driving herself, no she can't right now. In Ontario, a driver's license is obtained in "stages". First one is G1 Class where u need a licensed driver with you at all times. After 12 months (8 mths if u take driver's education), you can apply for your G2 Class. You can drive by yourself but with limited number of passengers and not during certain hours. Then you apply for your G Class, which is your "normal" driver's license. She only has her G1 Class right now and cannot go for the next step until Spring.

I can only imagine how isolated she must feel 45 minutes from town having most of her friends in town.

Most of her friends are not from town. That's just it, she has a few here. Besides, she's not the only one living 45 minutes away from town. We live in a little village. I tell her that at least we own our home and are not renting cuz renting in the city is very, very expensive and most places available are in rough area of town and not too nice. House prices are way too costly now. The irony is some of her "town" friends like spending time in the country cuz u can go snowmobiling, quading, etc.

I mean, I know proscratination is a part of her anxiety disorder but come on. I tell her that she'll just have to "kick herself in the butt and just do it!" then it will become easier to do it eventually. She just has to start. I'm talking about keeping her room clean, learning to cook, help clean the house, even doing her essays... she always waits till the last minute and stresses out!

As far as giving her independence, we sometimes have to push her to do stuff. I had to tell her to plan stuff to do with her friends and not wait to be invited, etc. We had to practically push her to go for her driver's license. Explaining that it will give her independence and she'll be happy for it in the future, telling her that it would be nice when she wants to go out and see movie with friends and she could take the car and go.

Part of anxiety is fear of failing, which is why they proscrastinate a lot. We went through this job thing, country living thing, last year and the year before that. She still didn't do anything about finding a job, only came up with excuses.

She wants a job, then she has to do it on her own. Her resume is done, only needs updating. Her application letter is done, only needs printing and change an address for the 2nd job. I told her yesterday the name of the store in our village then went to listen to the news. I don't have to sit right beside her while she's doing it when she knows what she has to do. I could have easily done it for her, but where would that have gotten her?

So to say that we are not giving her independence is wrong! We are pushing her to get it but she keeps coming up with excuses or blaming us for her not doing it. I've come to the point where I'm saying to myself "Enough is enough. She'll just have to deal with stuff on her own. Too bad if it's not what she wants, expects, etc. That's life!" Her anxiety is stressing me out too much.

She has good intentions, but never goes through with them. I hear all the time, especially on Fridays. "This weekend I'm going to do this and that, and this and that." Sunday night rolls by and she didn't do anything she said she'd do. And if I remind her during the weekend what she said she would do, she comes up with an excuse why she's not doing it or will say she'll do it later.

I think the teenage years are something that can be pretty rocky for most kids/parents. You have to know when to give in a little and when to stand your ground. Each child is different and has their own set of special circumstances that make them unique.

Since you have been through counseling with you DD you know that she has some things to work through that makes dealings with day to day issues a bit more difficult. I would stay in counseling if I could. Even if she didn't have an anxiety disorder I think that some of her behavior is pretty normal for a teen.

I don't think kids are as entitled to as much privacy as a lot of parents do. With all of the porn problems and so forth on the net I think it should be expected that you would keep her correspondence in check from time to time. The drug reference is troublesome. Keep an eye on that.

My son is dyslexic. He needs constant reminders to do things and we have had to work out things with teachers so that he has learned tools to use so that he can be more accountable for things. He needs visual reminders, check sheets etc. That works well for him with home chores as well.

The normal reaction, I think, when you have a child that has difficulties is to become more lenient. I have found out that just the opposite is true. These kids need structure, they need to be held accountable....it is for their own good.

Remember....more likely than not....this too shall pass. Best wishes to you.

Teenage girls can be very emotional around the time of their periods. And many times they tell these stories about us parents that are totally untrue, and they know it. Maybe just button pushing. Sometimes I think my DD actually believes the stories she tells.

I agree with Believer. Kids aren't always entitled to their privacy. It's your right as a parent to monitor what your child is doing and who she is talking to. If you think there's a problem, you have the right to take any measure to figure it out. Just my opinion.

She came home from school all happy cuz she got 100% on her sociology test, English test, and Personal Finance test. Today, she's staying after school to attend a big school football game.

The therapist said that when you parent a child with anxiety, you do the opposite of what you do when you parent a child with no anxiety. You have to give more "freedom" so that they can get more self-confidence. They have so much fear! My DD even gets anxious when she tries a new food in case she gets an allergy reaction.

Last week, she had a major attack at school all thanks to our family doctor. I have severe rheumatoid arthritis and DD has a very high arch which can cause hip pain. Brought her to Doc to get referral to foot doctor for orthopedic insoles/shoes. He made a comment that "maybe you have what your mother has". So at school, this was on her mind and an attack set in where she nearly passed out!

Thank God she has good teachers who are compassionate and understanding. Her sociology teacher talked with her a lot about genetics and stuff, and her English teacher has anxiety too so they discussed their issues. I explained more to her about my disease. She's okay now... well, for now anyways.

I was talking with my Mom yesterday cuz I had to talk to someone about this (verbally LOL). She said "You only have one. Imagine if you had more?" LOL My nephew (now 21) was digging my sister's grave at 17 cuz she was so stressed from the trouble he was getting himself into.

I'm sorry to hear that your attacks crippled your life. Anxiety attacks and panic attacks are the same. How did you get over it? (If you don't mind my asking)

Mine didn't start until I was in my 20's, I'm 49 now. they started after my parents and I had a falling out and they disowned me for three years because I was living with a guy. It was a very difficult emotional time for me.

I'm glad you mentioned about flying. I've been wondering if DD would get an attack in a plane. My SIS told me that my DD shouldn't fly if she has anxiety. My MIL wants to take my DD to Florida in March but we're not sure if we should let her go with MIL. MIL is not very empathetic one bit and DH thinks that she'll only make it worse for DD such as laughing at her. (I'm serious, that's how she is)

In my experience, many of those same kids wind up a few years later telling their parents that they (the parents) were right.

Sometimes it just takes letting the kids make their own mistakes and experience their own consequences. You didn't do anything wrong wanting to delay helping your daughter with her letter. If your daughter got huffy and blew you off, and didn't get the job, then that is her problem. Later on when she wants extra money for a cute pair of shoes and she doesn't have it, she'll pay the consequences of her actions.

There are so many, many things that we parents just can't make our teens see right away. We'd like to think we can just talk to them, and they will change their attitude. I am a big fan of communicating with my kids and talking things out, but some things kids just have to learn on their own. This sounds like one of those things. It just takes time and maturity - about 5 more years!

Good luck!

DH's father was an alcoholic abuser. When DH was driving his mother to an airport 4 hour-drive away, he talked to her about how his father's abuse on her affected him. She told him "Get over it!". He was so mad and didn't speak to her for some time. When she told me "I don't know why he just can't get over it?" I had to explain to her that he was a child and it affected him big time and it's not something a person just "gets over"... seeing his mother getting beaten up by his father and he was too little to do anything.. and all the other abuse!

daidyinga - I guess that I was just hurt by her comment. DH and I do more for her than her friends' parents. DH is always the "driver".