I've also heard good things about that book. My DD would go thru phases, such as the talking back phase you mention. Usually she would pick it up from TV or from hearing it at preschool. What I would do was focus only on the most major offense, in this case talking back. I didn't stress over other minor offenses during that time. I gave her three warnings, and at number three would put the favorite toy of the day in time out up in the top of the closet. I would reiterate that "The toy is in timeout because you said XYZ, and I told you we don't talk like that." Usually a few minutes of crying ensues, but it is shortlived. She was old enough to KNOW. She got it. When a "phase" of behavior set in, I usually had to do the above twice, and then she would move past it. The key was consistency, and focus - focus only on that one behavior, and you can usually get them to move on from the behavior. Good luck! I know how it is to not have close neighbors or friends with kids the age of mine. I only this year had a family with kids move in, and it is so refreshing! In the meantime, the folks here have a lot of good advice. And I concur about the book mentioned above.

In my experience at 17months old you can't use time outs. He is really too young to make the connection between his action and the consequence, which is what you are trying to instill in him. I would suggest that you just arrange your home so he cannot get into mischief. Distraction is the technique you should try at this age. Just give him something more interesting to do, and he won't do the things you don't want him to do. If he does do something you don't want him to do, and it is tricky to rearrange things, like going near the oven - perhaps you can just say a firm "no" and say "hot" and move his hand away. If he is whining, perhaps you could ask yourself why. Does he have enough sleep, mental stimulation, playtime, outside time, walk time. Once again, distraction - so he gets out of the habit of whining. Hope this helps, all the best with your little one.

Wow! 23 and a college degree! I'm impressed. You must know it all, then. You say, " I've tried to get him to do it, but he's always too engrossed in his games to even notice when she's being bad." So why is he too engrosed in his games to parent his daughter? If , as he claims, "[You're] keeping him from his daughter," , why is he spending what little precious time he does have with her, playing games and ignoring her? You also say, "I've talked to him about a lot of the issues going on, and it seems to fall on deaf ears. I'm also pregnant, and seriously don't need this stress." So, why is he not listening to you? Why does he seemingly not care about the stress that you, pregnant with what will be the _second_ of your children together, are suffering? I would have expected a caring partner would want to smooth the way for the mother of his child. If, as you say, " It just started getting this bad about 4-5 months ago. ", what changed? What was different then (besides the behaviour)? But, seriously, if his contribution to parenting his children is going to continue to be playing games and ignoring them while allowing you to physically discipline them as you see fit and do all the watching and organising, IMO you'd be better off not marrying him and parenting two children on your own instead of three.

'Does it really matter who is "in control?" When you housebreak a dog, maybe the dog is thinking, "Gee, I got her trained - all I have to do is bark at the door and she opens it for me."' I think it does matter who's in control. The parents are the adults and charged with teaching children about the world. It's the adult's job to teach the child right from wrong. Children don't come into the world to teach the adults how to treat them or take care of them. Are you comparing children to dogs? While it's not surprising that you'd compare children to dogs, if you look at a pack of dogs, the mother dog will teach the pups how to behave like dogs. We, as humans, train our dogs to live in our world. Sure, the dog may be thinking he has you trained to open the door for him, but if you don't open the door, well trained dog will hold it until it's physically impossible. A poorly trained dog might make a mess by the door, or is he showing you that if you don't open the door, he's going to make the mess so next time you will get up faster? Taking children to the store is an important lesson for kids and should be used as a learning experience. When they are small, a parent should keep in mind how tired the child is or how long is appropriate. I see parents drag kids for long shopping trips that tire out the adults, so yes the child is going to act up. That is not teaching the child anything. Teaching them how to behave in a store is something that takes time and patience. Learning trips should be planned so they don't turn into a fiasco where a cart full of groceries gets left and a mother/father ends up angry and frustrated. I learned that it is easier to do when you plan it than doing it as it happens. My oldest son, when he was around 2, threw himself on the floor in the middle of an aisle because he wanted something and I said no. I picked him up and took him home, leaving our cart. After that, I had to have a talk with him every time we went to a store. I let him know the rules (they were always the same but I reminded him) and if he started to act up, I didn't say a word (no warnings), we just left. I don't remember having any problems with my other children. When I got together with my exBF, I would take all six kids to the grocery store. They walked with me, one hand on the cart in a line. I was stared at but they were not running around. I'm not sure if I was stared at because I had six kids under 8, or if it was because they were quiet & walking in a line, three on each side of the cart (holding onto the cart). I could ask one to get me an item off the shelf and they would. I didn't make threats or hit them, I just expected them to behave or we would leave. I would tell them that if we don't get groceries, we won't have food in the house. As I look back, I'm amazed at how I did it. The first time I took SD to the store (a warehouse type store), she was jumping, skipping touching things on the shelves, grabbing samples, singing and her dad kept yelling at her to stop, she didn't listen. He was frustrated but not willing to leave the store with nothing. By the time we left, we were both in a bad mood and upset with SD. I let DH know that I will not take her again if he isn't going to control her. I think partly, he didn't know how to control her. The next time we went, I took her aside and told her that a store is not the place to sing, dance, skip, touch, or run. She glared at me and I told her that if she doesn't behave, we are going to leave. I also told her that she isn't going to eat any samples, she is to walk, holding dad's hand. She walked holding dad's hand and started to grab things off the shelf and was jumping. He told her to stop, she didn't listen. I told her, 'do we have to leave the store?' (which is more warning than I ever gave my own kids) and she glared at me again. She whispered to dad if she can have a sample. He said, 'what were you told?' and she glared at me again. We had several trips to the store like that but now, she goes with me and behaves completely. If her dad is there, she will still try to get him to let her do things she knows she won't get away with when he's not there, but he has seen the way she behaves and now he tells her no more. It's no longer stressful to take her to the store, but when he takes her by himself, she doesn't behave. I told him that it's up to him to make her. He's getting better about it but I know her mom lets her do whatever she wants and then calls DH to complain about her not behaving. It's really up to the parents and I see many parents that don't seem to care what the kids are doing, or not willing to do anything about it. I think my DH was in that category. It's one thing if you are a parent and you are annoyed and want to do something about it, but when you have kids that don't behave and you drag them to the store and they annoy everyone else around them, those are the ones that should stay home.