Thank you for that prayer, Toni! It was lovely! Happy Mothers day to all of our Mothers in fact, Mothers in waiting and Spiritual Mothers, and even to our male "moms". You are all very precious and very appreciated! Giving birth to a child does not make one a mother, it is love, attention, caring and devotion that does that. Being a mother is holding them close when they hurt or are fearful, laughing and crying with them, knowing when to let go and knowing how to let them come home again, even if just for a few minutes. It is support, cheerleading, playing the 'bad guy' when needed, encouraging them to grow, and try new things, even when all we want to do is keep them close. It is accepting the decisions they make for their lives, not grudgingly, but with love and understanding, even when those choices are not ones we would have made for them. It is loving where they love... and standing back and not getting in the middle. It is giving our opinion, then stepping back to let them be the person they choose to be. And it's even standing to the side and letting them deal with the consequences, good or bad, of the decisions they make. It is being there for them, even if the consequences are deserved. Blessings to all of you who have faced or will face these challenges and who do so with love, because a Mother's job is never done. Kathy Kathy

Chinacat, you are so sweet to still be thinking of this. Believe it or not, part of the problem I think is that she CANT feel it. She had a severe facial nerve pain problem earlier in her life and back then the only way to get relief was to severe the facial nerve on one side.....so she has no feeling on one side of her face. So, it is an open wound that she keeps picking at and it bleeds and looks so sore to everyone else, but she feels no pain, so continues to pick. The dr. started her on a very mild dose of zyprexa. It caused problems during the day...and it actually caused a fall and trip to the emergency room so they only give it at night. I read up and the side effects are scary and I don't like more and more drugs.......but they say she is a little more mellow and doesn't fight the bandaids etc. She seems to be picking a little less so we will see how it goes. One thing she can do is roll up a ball of yarn so she does that here at my house...but they don't give her the yarn where she lives I dont' think. They have a tendancy to sit them in front of the TV if there are no activities...which in my opinion is the worst. But, this home is way nicer than any other around so I try to be agreeable and appreciative.

Are you a stay-at-home mom? Yes If so, a) what age was your child(ren) when you began to stay home with them? since birth. I graduated nsg school 6 days before she was born but I've never put it to use YET why do you chose to stay home with your children? I find being at home keeps me very busy & fulfilled. I've never understood SAHM who claim they are bored. I have 1 daughter, 3 dogs, a home & my husband's business I do much of the work for plus I made sure to start involving myself & my daughter in school & plenty of activities. Gosh if I never have to work I would be so happy BUT chances are that when the last of my kids is in fulltme school I'll at last work part-time. are you financially secure enough to be home and not work? Like everyone else we could always use the extra $. We don't have a retirement a/c set up, we have to buy our own very expensive health ins., we havn't been on a great vacation in several yrs, we no longer go to fancy dinners, our home could use allot more remodeling, our cars are old but in good condition & paid for & I am always comparison shopping BUT we have no debt despite every month praising when we've paid the last bills. Our daughter is in private school & already takes 4 sets of lessons at age 3 & when we have our day trips or do happen to go out we truly go all out & enjoy, plus since I have no family help at all I have been lucky enough to be able to pay for a mothers helper or sitter for those times I need to catch up on the home, errands or the business paperwork or go to my many medical appts (I was diagnosed with MS a yr ago). All in all I'm happy, but my husband is self employed & he'd like to make a switch right now & he can't b/c we don't have enough $ in the bank nor another income. I had a stay at home Mom when I grew up & feel there is nothing better. I think that while kids are young I prefer being aorund for safety & to be involved in all the firsts, then they start activities & who else is going to chaperone them everywhere & then later on I want to be around so they have support & hopefully I can prevent them from making some bad choices that they might make had they not had any parent at home during the day after school. what are the ages and gender of your kids? daughter age 3 & working on #2 Michie

MIStepMom thanks, you hit it right on the nail, my emotions are poring out over this forum for some help, I seem to not be asking for advice on how to deal with vindictive people the right way, soooo many are only seeing stepmoms side of things, but you see that there are more sides than the primary custodial's side. "And for goodness sake, stop worrying about yourself so much" What I do worry about is what my child is seeing happening between my exhusband-stepmom and I. and how this is truly affecting him, I worry that them being so vindictive is hurting my child, just as much as my move away. They really do act like my 11 year old doesnt know how they conversate with me,they act like them doing this doesnt affect him, BECAUSE ,they say, they've never done it in front of him. Really though, my child is smarter than they give him credit for, as most children are in tune to family relations, even if they dont know what to say or do about it. I know stepmom doesnt like when I call for my son, because this is how it goes, I ask hi is **** there, she says no he's out with his dad, I say politely, would you have him call me when they get back, she says sarcastically IF HE WANTS TO. This is what I'm asking help on, I mean why does she have to be so NASTY, when my child is with me for the summer, I know how important it is to talk to your child, so when they call and our child is out playing or in the shower etc. I simply say, sure I'll tell him you called and have him call you back......whats so hard about this! This is what I have to deal with in many other topics with them to. I dont see why they have to do this, is this helping our child, is this a good thing for him, is this kind of arguing going to be better for my child on a day to day or week to week basis, should I move close to him? I see so many children out there who have parents who fight over them, and to be honest my son is in a better place then them, even though he has to miss seeing me more often in order to have this somewhat peace, between his parents. I only gave up the arguing and fighting over my child, I didnt give up my child. I would love to be in dads and stepmoms shoes. The way they complain all the time that I dont do enough, seems to me like there saying its been a hassle for them to raise my child on a day to day basis, rather then a privalege! One other true example of why I feel they only want money from me and not wish to include me in my childs life: dad initially pays for all medical and sports fees, then mails me the receipts and I reimburse him half back. So one day I get a copy of a soccer kick-a-thon PLEDGE SHEET (not an actual receipt)with a note asking me to reimburse him half of his pledge, which was a measly $5 ! It's not the amount of money that bothers me so, it's the fact that dad didnt even consider informing me of a soccer kick-a-thon and ask me to make a pledge for our son....I would of loved to been asked to participate in my childs pledge....instead I get told what and when Im to pay for something and then they use, come on its for your son, its the least you can do, its only $5. I never paid it to this day, because for the first thing I wasnt included, and the second they demanded it from me, like it was part of his soccer fees, which a pledge is not part of the registration-uniforms-and gear fees. How would you feel if your ex does these kind of things to you all the time?