We have some family friends like this, too. After so much time, and so many connections, between the families, the kids act like siblings. The good, the bad and they ugly side of sibling relationships. Where they can get along great one day, and knock each other over the next. Just like sisters growing up together.

What does your daughter want to do? Has she had enough, or is the friendship important to her? If she's had enough, I'd let it go. I would say nothing to the mother, and just continue to teach DD how to avoid confrontations, to ignore and not respond to provocation. However, if the friendship is important to them, I would work with the other mother to guide the girls in how to be better friends. I'd give them the opportunity to work things through. I'd stay on good terms with mom and be light but honest with her about there being blame on both sides. If it matters to the girls, I'd say that to the mom, this matters to our daughters, so lets get on the same page to help them work through this.

But some time apart to think about whether or not they miss the friendship is a good thing right now. They'll either move on, or have to time to think about how they should each handle things differently.

Question. Are you going to try to get your DD back into the dance class?

Dance... I'm going to see what I can arrange at one of the other two dance schools nearby instead. She wants to dance, but doesn't want to go back, and honestly, I don't want to make a fuss with the dance teacher. She should not have to deal with physical issues with the students while teaching. My daughter knows this and understands this... but acted out of frustration... in a way she knows is unacceptable... I'm not going to puch it there, I'll just move her elsewhere,IF it fits in my schedule... to b honest, I was pretty sure there would be a pproblem with the girls at dance at some point... there always ahs been at least one there per year during the years in the past... they really just have a hard time some days... but you are right it is like siblings... one minute they are getting along great and the next they are all but drawing blood...

The other mom is my real concern.... honestly she has never made any comment to indicate she believes this is a two way problem... only a one way (my DD) problem... I think it took her by total surprise when I said my daughter wasn't on the bus when she supposedly was bothering her daughter... after all her DD is always in the right and mine has always been in the wrong ... according to her... truthfully I'm tired of that nonsense too.. her daughter walks on water and is sweet as can be in her mind... honestly... I don't feel like that about any of my children... they are lovely kids, but man, can they be U-G-L-Y when they want to be! They can be nasty and mean and down right horrible along with the best of them... I know that... and I know all 3 of hers can be the same way too... she just does NOT even see that in her mind... makes me crazy!

The friendship is just not that important to me... honestly I don't think it is to my DD either... time will tell on this I think....

My neighbor has a friend since high school and they have had lots of verbal fights over the years. She told me last week that her friend got smart with her and she called her on it. She said she didn't know why the friend talks to her that way. I told her it was because she has allowed it over the years. People must be desperate for a friendship to put up with fighting all the time. I think her friend just uses her as a hotel and taxi to take her around the big city when she feels the urge to travel or shop. My friend doesn't seem to receive any pleasure from the friendship. I had rather not have a friend at all if it cause me so much stress. It's to much like being married. LOL

I've been there! My daughter and her friend (Lisa) have been friends since the age of 5. They are both 16 now! We're also neighbours. The girls were together every single day. Then at the age of 10, they went their own way till the age of 14. They just had different things in common. Now, they're the best of friends again!

I remember one incident that is so very similar to the one you described above. I had had enough too! Lisa's mom called me to tell me what happened between the girls. My daughter told me what happened. Some things just didn't add up. Since I had had enough, I decided to nip this in the butt. My daughter and I went over to Lisa's house so that we could all discuss this together. Lisa's mom was so happy about this. Anyways, Lisa was caught in a lie and was punished. My daughter also saw that their friendship was worth more than gossip. That if they had a problem with each other, they were friends long enough that they should ask each other if the gossip was true. Everything worked out well and because we were all together, everything was confronted once and for all.

Re your daughter leaving when Susie comes over. I'm not sure about this one though, because yr daughter cannot always run away from conflict. She needs to deal with it head on.

You see what happened with my daughter was that "Jessica" was causing conflict between my daughter and Lisa because she was jealous of their friendship. Whenever Jessica and Lisa were together, my daughter would exclude herself and thus, was alone. She'd see Lisa on the street and was about to go say hello, but decided not to when she seen Jessica with her. I told her to go talk to Lisa and that if Jessica had a problem with her there, then Jessica could leave. It took my daughter awhile to work up the nerve to do it, but eventually she did and it gave her more confidence in herself to handle things.

I've also had to deal with a mother who thinks her kids can do no wrong. I did the same thing as above. We drove to that kid's house and confronted him with the parents there. The boy denied everything, but his sister said that my daughter was right about how it happened. He was bullying her. His parents asked him how he could do that to my daughter since he had the same thing done to him and if he remembered how it felt. The issued got resolved!

I strongly believe that confrontation with all parties involved is the best way to get resolved fast. This way, all the parents hear what each child is saying, which is lying, etc. Maybe it will open some eyes too!

When my daughter had some "ownership" in some of the conflicts, I explained how her actions contributed to the conflict. Sometimes kids don't realize or see what the consequences of their actions can do, especially at the age of 8.

Wow. 8 year old DD here and lived with this all through 2nd grade. My DD's "best" friend was hot and cold to her throughout 2nd grade and my DD often came home crying. I also got tired of hearing it. The other little girl's mother is very young and readily admits she does not know how to deal with her DD's constant "drama." This year they are in separate classes and I couldn't be happier.

Now we have "drama" with my DD and the little girl next door. But nothing physical. Frankly, I would be outraged if my DD engaged in that type of behavior (punching, kicking) at that age -- at four or even five, but not ten.

Anyhow, I just wonder if you are sending the right message by making them avoid each other. The message should be that everyone deserves respect and politeness whether you like them or not. Eventually, in life, we have to get along with people, even the ones that rub us the wrong way. I always tell my DD that she cannot control how others behave but she is 100% responsible for how she acts and what she says. She always has the option of walking away or asking an adult for help.

I am anxious to hear what other, more experienced moms have to say on this because I guess I have 5 or 6 more years of it coming!

Regarding the separation... I really feel this is important, at least for a while, to get them to simmer down... and 'get past' whatever went on in both places... they were both pretty hostile and ugly with each other, and I'm hoping that the forced separation will help get them to decide one way or the other whether or not they want to work at a friendship...

Both girls are pretty 'forceful' personalities... "Susie" is much more 'statement' oriented in her manners... "I want to do this now" "where is..." "get me..." type of thing... "Janie" is much more laid back but quick to 'snap' and use impolite words "That's dumb Susie" "I don't want to do that" "who cares" "find it yourself"

As far as the physical side goes, that typically doesn't happen with either of them... but to be fair to both of them, they both have older siblings who have been know to 'push them around' when they irritate them... (and then th older ones get pounced on by the parents to leave the younger ones alone...) typical sibling stuff... BUT... Susie is also a hockey player... such that they play hockey at 9 years old... a very physical sport... and one where they tend to be told to hit and push others... she will sometimes tend to do that off ice.. and I know from other parents they have had 'aggression' issues with her... but like I said, this hasn't typically been an issue with these two.

Personally, I can't recall any serious physical stuff between them... typically its ugly words and actions... I've just had it to my limit witht the two of them wtih the on and off over the summer and then this starting the first week of school... Janie is saying that she doesn't want to be friends with Susie, since she doesn't act like a friend to her... I find this to be an interesting comment... I think she (Janie) believes she was being a 'good' friend by letting Susie know what was being said about her and then feels like it blew up in her face... but that is going way out on a limb and assuming that maybe Janie is telling a mohority of truth about the playground story... Honestly, I feel the truth lays somewhere in between what either of them has said to me or the other mom... maybe Janie was keeping up at Susie about does she like Johnny... or she does like Johnny... but honestly, I'm just not up to dealing with the mom's abrasiveness, so I haven't approached her about this at all.... and I'm thinking she's feeling the same way since normally she'd be right in my face to let me know there is a problem and she wants me to fix it from my end... time will tell....

DD and a friend has a similar relationship a few years ago..I tried to sit down with the girls and the other mom and she said-I don't get involved in these things- I'm sure they'll work it out....Well I finally put my foot down and said let's explore some other friendsships..I kept her really busy with family friends and encouraged new friendships and as time went on more things came out about her friend having pinched her several times, pulling her hair as school ( they were 11 and 12) etc....when the other girl called DD just wasn't available...now that things have cooled off they are polite and nice to one another and DD has a great set of friends and self esteem and her old pal is going through girl after girl at the school doing the same thing...

I'm a firm believer in spending too much time with one person is not a good idea at these young ages...better to a have a couple of good friends and lots of friends you like to spend limited time with vs one best friend you spend all your time with.

Maybe you can agree with other mom that they cool it for a while and spend time with other kids.

newgardenelf - my DD "had" such a friend too! That girl had so many friends and then they seen how she was... rude, physically abusive, verbally abusive, etc. Now nobody wants to be her friend. She's 15 and hangs around with 12 and 13 year olds cuz she can push them around.

That girl's parents are friends of ours and they, as well as some of their friends, are always saying how good my DD is, how smart, pretty, wish their daughter could be more like her, etc. This only aggravates the girl and thus results in her being mean to my DD by putting her down a lot and being rude to her in front of other kids. I wish the "parents" would stop commenting or comparing. It only creates problems for my DD. Plus the fact that this girl has a lot of problems at home!

I agree that different friends are very important. She could spend time/make other friends but doesn't necessarily have to leave if Susie joins them. Why should your DD be left out? This could also cause a problem if Susie decides to do this very often just so that your daughter will be alone or has to leave. Kids can be so vendictive!

So it's almost 2 months now and truthfully my daughter is NOT missing this girl around at all... although she does say that the gril asks her if they can stop 'fighting' and be friends again... and that her mom says it's ok with her as long as mine appologizes to her and her mom... wtf??? I'm guessing mom just doesn't think it was a two way thing here...

I didn't update here, but mom called me over a week later, suposedly n ot realizeing there had been any problem until she came to pick up mine for dance and hers said, oh she's not going to dance anymore... and then she spoke with the dance teacher about what happened... anyway, we had a pretty long talk... she was upset and wanted to keep them together to make them work it out... I held my ground and said no, they need time apart... then it came out she's having problems with all the girls in her class... who is she going to play with if not my daughter, that leaves only one other girl on the street she plays with...

I told her until they both wanted to try again, I didn't want it... I am TIRED of dealing with them both being ugly to each other... she did say she feels hers only responds, and that mine starts it all... I was pretty sure she felt this way, so I pointed out times when hers has been the aggressor, and also told her I thought it was a result of them having such similar personalities... and from being too close... almost treating each other like siblings... this struck a chord with her... I though we left it on good footing... our other 2 kids are also the same ages and get together a lot.... but they are older and plan their stuff on their own...

I haven't heard from her since that phone call... I fnd that very interesting....