Move away in the dark of night to where he can't find you.

I would move but I have 2 other sons, one in the 11th grade and one in the 12th. They have went to the same school all their lives so I dont want to change them right here at the end. I am just waiting until my youngest son graduates and then I am out of here. I am trying to get thorugh it until then.

For him to have an absence of compassion, or guilt in his treatment of you, HIS MOTHER, then there is something seriously wrong with him. Do you think this is normal behaviour?

Maybe there are drugs involved.

Would he consider going and seeing some sort of health professional ?

You have a full life, caring for your other sons and yourself, and I would imagine that your ability to deal with him on this advocacy level is restricted.

Its an issue of personal safety, here, so in that case you must protect yourself at all costs, and your sons.

I urge you to find some sort of counsellor that can explore, with you, your options.

All the best to you.

I am quite certain that drugs are involved.

Thank you to everyone for your advice.

No, he didnt act like this then, only after he got grown. he was a very difficult teenager but not to this extent.

Never leave anywhere without a cell phone and pepper spray (that goes for your other kids too) He sounds like a dangerous individual. He is an adult and you can't do anything but protect yourself against him it sounds like.

You may have to get law enforcement involved in order to get him out of your home.

He obviously has mental problems with substance possibly making it worse. You can't do anything for him, he has to hit rock bottom first. Very very sad for you. But don't let him mess up your other kids lives!

I would consider moving to a different house, and not letting your older son know where you are.

He will have to hit rock bottom, before he would consider help, by the sounds of it.

Its a tragic situation and I am sure you have done all you can.

Please look after yourself.

All the best to you and your family.

Keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

POPI

I understand that he is your adult child, flesh and blood, but he is a dangerous person. It's not your fault, and you are not alone. You have received some good advice on this forum. Please continue to reach out; call a domestic abuse hotline. The national hotline number is 1-800-799-7233. Talk to them about how you are feeling and ask what some safe options are.

If you don't want to call for yourself, call for your other children or give them the number to call. They deserve to be safe in their own home. And they need to see that their mother is strong, and that this behavior is not acceptable, will not be tolerated, and he will be held accountable.

I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us posted if possible. Be safe.

Like having your own family steal, lie and physically threaten your mother. What kind of lessons are you letting this teach your younger sons? That it's all right for (male) bullies to demoralize and harass (female) adults?

Get out of town and leave this loser behind. Tell your younger sons you love him, and maybe someday he'll straighten his life out, but you don't want to risk their futures or yours, on the forlorn hope that your eldest is suddenly going to straighten out.

You are not responsible for a 30-yr old adult criminal. But you ARE responsible for seeing that your two younger children grow up to be happy, responsible adults.

My mother was a "tough love" mother back before they invented the term. Once we graduated high school, we were on our own. There was no coming back home to live, no hand-outs, no excuses.

My sisters and I made plenty of our own mistakes, but we learned fast nobody was responsible for our lives but ourselves. Nobody was going to help us out unless we helped ourselves, first, by working hard and making the right choices. If we made the wrong choices and sank, tough!

You need to think of yourself, and make a successful life beyond being a mother. Good luck!

Strange post in many ways.

Why would she change anything?

No doubt. And you're earning it every day you allow this to go on.

"...i am a very soft person..."

Which is why you've been used and why you will continue to be used unless you buck up and act like you deserve respect -- and insist upon it.

"...hope she will have her own home soon"

And that's going to happen via how....magic? Do you think it's going to work itself out? Your daughter and her boyfriend have a great thing going. I predict they'll continue to use you as long as you allow it.

You're thinking "love, help, support". They're thinking "Wow, this is nice. Let's keep this going."

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles and no, I do not think you are wrong to protect yourself from verbal abuse, even if he is a relative. I do not know the full situation, however it does sound like he needs help and counseling.

It sounds like you need emotional support and if that is the case I've included a link below to a website which I think may be of help.

I'd urge to check it out as it is more current than this site. It deals with the problems and resulting estrangement that you've written about. Anyway, the link to the website is listed below.

Best of luck to you with these issues.

I have a daughter who I am so close to but he has now started to see her again and I feel really uncomfortable as he is very spiteful and manipulative. Please give me the name of the other link you talk about for further help.#

Wow - what a great sentence and very, very wise. Thank you for that.

When someone else is the one PUTTING THEIR HANDS ON YOU, THEY are the problem.

You need to get the heck out of there before something really bad happens.

Are you working? If not, go get a job (any job) that allows you to get a break from this situation for even a little while. I'd be getting counseling at the same time so you can start getting some positive reinforcement that will give you the strength to move on.

Here are two links that may be of use. Call them from a place other than your home. Rent a post office box and start saving money.

If the law office below isn't in your area, ask them for a referral.

Please check back and let us know how your doing.

"If you have a question regarding a domestic violence situation and are seeking a restraining order, please contact our office at 1-800-941-6730 for a FREE consultation or visit www.sagarialaw.com. "

www.californiafamilylawblog.com/domestic_violence/

California Partnership to End Domstic Violence
www.cpedv.org/