I agree that I jumped to an unwarranted conclusion as to the reason for the licence not being changed ... but I was thinking more of the unfortunate situation if people were unskilled, rather than being critical of the lady. If she felt that I was being critical of her, I apologize wholeheartedly to her for that. Apart from that, I've been thinking of making this thread for a while. I don't feel a need to alter the main points of my story, though ... and if I implied that I thought that many kids aren't so qualified, I didn't intend that, either. All that I was saying was that I felt that all children should be encouraged and helped to learn how to look after themselves. Also that they should feel a responsibilty to do their share of chores around a household which they inhabited, as they became able to do so. I didn't refer to the money end of it, as I've said quite a lot about that before and wanted to confine this message to one simple, uncomplicated topic ... but I agree that such is a necessary skill, as well. I hope that your children and others that you know grow up developing not only the simple skills of managing their daily lives, as referred to, but also a number of the potential capabilities and skills which lie semi-dormant within their being. One of the wonderful opportunities in being a teacher is to engage with their students and to become sensitive to the talents which each possesses, then to encourage the child and parents to awareness and to develop those potentialities as they are able. And of being a parent, as well, to be sensitive to the potential which each of his/her children possesses and encourage the child to develop their possibilities. ole joyful

dcrowex, hopefully your ds's bedwetting is resolved by now! I wanted to point out, though, to those who said not to be concerned, that bedwetting IS a matter of concern for a child who has been dry at night "for a long time". I would definintely see a doctor to rule out UTI, stress, illness, etc. My son, age 7, still wets the bed. But I am not concerned, because he has never been dry at night for any length of time. Dh (and several of his cousins) wet the bed occasionally until middle school, and it still happens every now and again to my 10 year old - apparently, the bedwetting gene just runs in dh's family. And for those whose kids are just bedwetters, with no medical issues: my ds is really embarrassed that he still wets the bed, and, convinced that he is too old for pull-ups, refused to go to camp or spend the night away from home. His pediatrician gave him a prescription for Desmopression, which has worked out great for him. It is a nasal spray, taken at bedtime, which decreases urine production. I let him use it when he will be sleeping away from home, and he hasn't had an accident during a sleepover since. So many kids have allergies or asthma that his friends must just assume it's for that (I'm sure he doesn't tell them!) It's not a "cure", just a temporary fix, but it has been very useful for him for occasional use.

This could be caused by a UTI or even by seizures if she is having them while you are also sleeping. I would bring her to the vet. Good luck!

There is obviously much more to the story here. I can understand your being surprised by what seems to you to be out-of-the-blue behavior. First thing I'd do if I were you is try to get in "asking" mode with the Aunt and let her know you are receptive to whatever insight she may have into what the SDs are currently dealing with. Let her know you care about the SDs' welfare and want to help if it's requested. Let her know that you genuinely want to understand what the source of their upset is with you and that you want to listen to it without judging, rejecting or minimizing any of it. For now, try to keep any and all discussions you have about SDs between you and the Aunt, not with SDs yet and don't drag your husband into it either until you've gained some more insight and there is no more 'surprise' about how the current state of affairs developed. The Aunt sounds like a caring and articulate person who understands your point of view and wants the situation to be better for everyone. As for your children, you might want to have a conversation with them directly addressing the recent cut-off in communications. The Aunt's letter sounded as though the SDs are both dealing with difficult times. (Do you know of any particular event, conversation or change that has occured recently ---especially regarding you or your kids--- which might be precipitating this for both of them right now?) It sounds like they may be fighting depression, and as we all know, depressed people often withdraw from people and have trouble living up to all of their commitments. I would explain to my kids that they are dealing with some stuff right now and their choices are nothing personal against them. And that sometimes people can be erratic and need a little space from time to time. If what the Aunt tells you about why SDs are upset is something that you can neither understand nor accept, that is your choice. If you choose not to accept it, you are removing yourself from the equation (as it sounds like they have, at least for now) but that isn't a choice you can make for your husband. He may accept or reject their perspective, but that is his choice to make. You also have the option to hear what their complaints are and try to work with them towards some kind of resolution. Husband and SDs, too, have that option, which they may take, or they may not. You can only decide what choice is best for you based on what you feel about what you learn. Others will have to make their own choices, based on their own feelings, in due time.