Its not too late to expect respect from your son. Learn what words you must use to demand the respect and stick to it. He will soon learn that things have to change.

He is acting like a child he needs to grow up...but you need to stop allowing him to treat you like a doormat.

Read some books about BOUNDARIES to give you some insight.

We are responsible for how people treat us, so you must change if you want a happier household. Just think how nice it would be to have a happy time with your son.

All the best Jean

POPI

Otherwise, if you are paying all the bills, and he is still living there and treating you badly... that is really inexcusable.

Bottom line: He needs to take responsibility for his own behavior, not blame it on his moods... that is a cop out. He can't have "moods" at his place of employment, they won't stand for it, and he'll get fired. So he shouldn't do it to his family either. It's a head game he is playing with you and it should stop.

But maybe you could have been rude to him by making fun of a tv show he was watching... I don't think you would like that if he did that to you.

BUT that said, Even so, you should never tell someone to shut up, that is really rude.

Good luck!

I see nothing wrong with allowing a young adult to stay home--it's SO expensive out there these days, not like when many of us were young.

However, I would NOT put up with an adult child treating me with such disrespect in my home--even one who was paying toward the household expenses.

It does sound as though you've allowed things to get a bit out of hand over the years. Being a good parent is tough--you can't sit back and let bad behavior go, simply because it's so much trouble to correct it. Sets a bad precedent, and as you've seen, in the long run, you end up with a worse situation on your hands.

Of course, that's water under the bridge now. What's done is done, and you have to figure out 'where do we go from here'. I think I'd let him know we had to talk. Choose a time when you're both calm, well-fed, nothing pressing you have to do. Speak calmly. Lay out the problems you see--but do so in a calm, matter-of-fact way. And try asking him how HE thinks the problems might be solved. Works well with older men, maybe he'll be flattered enough that you've asked for his advice, to offer some viable solutions. Take your clue from his response, give it some time, but understand that at 23, you don't have to shoulder the financial responsibility for him any more. If he really doesn't show any interest in changing, I'd have no problem with letting him know it was time for him to be on his own.

One other thing to consider, though--if this problem has gotten worse? Any chance there are drugs involved? Sounds as if he's had some anger problems for a while, and often kids like that do turn to drugs. If that is the case, drugs completely destroy the user's personality. They can turn a decent person into a thief; they can rob a person of their judgment, morals and ethics. While you cannot allow that sort of thing in your life--it's far too dangerous--it needs to be remembered that the drug user truly isn't totally responsible for the hurtful things he's doing. Do hope it's not that. I know how hard it is to accept, we've had a couple of cases of it in our family and unfortunately, most closed their eyes until things were in a catastrophic state.

At any rate, make up your mind that you deserve to be treated better than you are, and stick to your guns. Good luck.

What's wrong with kids is that they learn what their parents teach them. After 23 years you're just NOW getting fed up with him treating you with disprespect?

Earning that long lost respect at this point will be extremely difficult if it's even possible. Sorry to be so negative but letting him be disrespectful because it was easier than disciplining him is the lazy way to raise a kid. And since that's the way you raised him, how can you blame him for acting that way now?

The only real solution I can see is that you're going to have to make it clear to him that this disrespectful attitude will no longer be tolerated -- and you have to catch him EVERY TIME he talks to you in that way. Every single time till he catches on. This won't be easy, and it won't be quick and you will have to really commit to it.

It's not about getting in an argument. It's about stopping him in his tracks. The minute he begins with the attitude you stop him. No yelling, no arguing, just tell him he's being disrespectful and that when he can talk to you correctly you'll be happy to continue the conversation.

I will say that if you're not willing to really follow through with repairing the damage that's already been done, it's probably not worth doing anything at all.

And I'd also be interested in finding out why a 23 yr old is still at home. I'm not saying it shouldn't be done, but there should be a very good reason for it. Does he attend college? Is he working? Is he contributing to the household, both financially and with chores/duties? What are you and he doing in order to progress to the day when he moves out?